


Field Notes on Operation Bloodline

by HopeStoryteller



Series: Of Golden Shores and Exiled Fools [2]
Category: Elder Scrolls Online, Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Closeted Character, Diary/Journal, Everyone Has Issues, Everyone Is Gay, Everyone Needs A Hug, F/F, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Internalized Homophobia, Murder, Necromancy, Not Too Much Though (At First), Past Child Abuse, Racism, Tags Are Fun, Thalmor Being Assholes (Elder Scrolls), Time Travel, Time Travelling Lesbians, Useless Lesbians, how do you think she became the Vestige, in more than one sense of the word
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-07-04
Updated: 2020-10-28
Packaged: 2021-03-04 19:02:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 103
Words: 40,268
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25071340
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HopeStoryteller/pseuds/HopeStoryteller
Summary: What happens when an already somewhat disillusioned 4E Thalmor agent is sent back in time to make the Oblivion Crisis go the way it was "supposed to," overshoots her destination by a solid era, and eventually breaks herself out of Coldharbour as the Vestige?Having no way to get home—never mind accomplish her mission—is a great way to make her start questioning things. Particularly what the Thalmor told her. It really,reallydoesn't help that Queen Ayrenn was supposed to be a whole bunch of things that she's clearly not. Also she's really pretty.
Relationships: Ayrenn Aldmeri/Female Vestige, Razum-dar & Female Vestige (Elder Scrolls)
Series: Of Golden Shores and Exiled Fools [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1815742
Comments: 815
Kudos: 87





	1. Morndas, 18th Last Seed, 4E 201

_ Operation Bloodline will begin in earnest tomorrow. Technically, Operation Bloodline has already begun approximately two hundred years ago, when I arrived some months before the start of the event most commonly known as the Oblivion Crisis. _

_ It confused me too, the first time I heard about it. You’ll pick it up fast. If you have the clearance to read this, you’re clearly more than capable of understanding the semantics behind Operation Bloodline. In an ideal scenario, by the time anyone other than me is reading this, Operation Bloodline will have already completed and we will all be living in a new, superior Tamriel. _

_ But I digress. I’m not here, after all, to discuss matters we all know to be true. I am here to explain what I know of Operation Bloodline to any individuals who will, in future, need to know what I did. Perhaps, if all goes at least somewhat according to plan, there will be no more need for secrecy, and my name will be one known throughout Alinor as the womer who changed history. _

_ I may be an optimist, but I am also a pragmatist. I strongly suspect that day will not come for a long time, if ever—but I am still the best-equipped to explain the device I will be using tomorrow to future operatives reading this. I am, after all, quite skilled in magic and swordplay, and therefore am adept at translating things for the benefit of those less involved in either or both disciplines. _

_ The device in question is a simple amulet. In order to protect it from unauthorized use, it will remain a simple amulet unless the keywords are spoken. Then, the user must focus on the time they wish to travel to, and they will travel there. Location is, unfortunately, harder to control and in truth does not matter as long as I do not appear in the middle of, say, an area that is off-limits to the general public. Even then, it will not be difficult to pass it off as a magical accident—the Mages Guild of the Third Era was, after all, poorly organized at best. _

_ For security reasons, I will not be detailing the keywords to activate the device here. I myself will only be told them tomorrow morning, and only at the precise moment I am to use them. Even then, I will not write them here. Instead, I will detail all observations that the Thalmor may deem useful for future users of the device, as this is its first use outside testing. _

_ Regarding current observations, all I have to say is this: I am not afraid. _

_ —Agent Canalie _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wholeheartedly blame [Six.](https://archiveofourown.org/users/sixylicious)
> 
> "What if Lora's sister somehow wound up in ESO time," I said. 
> 
> "What if she had an immediate moment of gay awakening the moment she saw Ayrenn," I said. 
> 
> "Even the most devoted Thalmor agent would start having some serious questions if thrown abruptly into ESO time, and Cana certainly isn't the most devoted."
> 
> So thank you, Six, for encouraging me on this frankly insane idea and helping Cana deal with some of the tougher things in-game. Here we GO!


	2. Tirdas, 19th Last Seed, 4E 201

_ The time is now. Today begins the end of all who oppose the Thalmor. I made sure to get plenty of sleep last night and eat a good breakfast, as it is entirely possible I will experience adverse effects from traveling so far back in time. _

_ At least, far back in time relatively speaking, compared to the trials. The longest our wizards have tested is a period of two years, and this will be one hundred times that. Realistically speaking, there are many living today who remember the Oblivion Crisis well, including my own parents. Perhaps I will be able to seek help from them? _

_ Can't worry about that now. _

_ —Agent Canalie _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm very sorry about my disaster child, she'll get better. Amazing what getting thrown back in time and being ritually sacrificed by Mannimarco does to your view of the world!


	3. Tirdas, 28th Mid Year, 2E 582

_ The device worked beautifully. It is certainly not the Fourth Era any longer, but I do not wish to draw suspicion by asking what year it is, so I will operate on the assumption that this is the Third Era and fill in the year when I determine it. Obviously, by the time anyone reads this, I will of course know what year I came to, so there should be a year up there now. _

_ For the moment, the main reason I know this is not the Fourth Era is because I landed in Morrowind. Specifically, on the shores of the island province Vvardenfell. While not ideal, the simple fact that the island is not covered in fire and ash proves that the Red Year (4E 5) has not yet occurred. Additionally, there are no signs of recovering from any Daedric invasion, and certainly none on the scale of the Oblivion Crisis. _

_ Therefore I am, at latest, exactly where I need to be in terms of the timeline. If I have traveled too early, I will simply wait for my magicka to recharge and travel just a little bit forward. For the time being, I have secured passage to the port of Vulkhel Guard. _

_ Vulkhel Guard is where I grew up. It was still recovering from the Oblivion Crisis when I left for the newly rebuilt Crystal Tower. In fact—the original Crystal Tower will still be standing, since the Crisis has not yet occurred. _

_ While this is far from being my primary objective, future historians will thank me for writing down any observations that are not common knowledge. So if I have the time to spare, I will certainly be paying the Crystal Tower a visit. _

_ But first: we will be arriving in Vulkhel Guard in a few weeks, which is I suppose the best I could hope for. I do not yet have the benefit of the Mark and Recall spells said to be in wide use during the late years of the Third Era, nor any other way to travel quickly around the world. _

_ —Agent Canalie _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Nobody tell her about wayshrines. She _will_ cry. And then try and figure out what happened _to_ the wayshrine system.


	4. Loredas, 15th Sun’s Height, 2E 582

_ At last, I have arrived in Vulkhel Guard. My childhood hometown looks very… different. Evidently the city was much bigger before the Oblivion Crisis, bigger than even I expected, and was never the same even after we rebuilt. More reasons why I must succeed in my mission, and I will. _

_ Regrettably, my attempts at determining the year from the captain of the boat I sailed on were largely rebuffed, and I will have to determine it differently. Official documents, perhaps. The locals here are talking about an upcoming visit from a queen—I had nearly forgotten that the monarchy even existed. Consequently, I have very little idea who this queen is, but that of course will not matter in the long run. The monarchy was abolished shortly after the Oblivion Crisis, and was already waning before it. _

_ I have not yet had much success in locating the Thalmor of this era. I do, however, have a lead. I intend to investigate it as soon as I finish writing this. With any luck, it won’t be another dead end like the last three. _

_ —Agent Canalie _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ~~DEAD end is right haha that was funnier in my head~~


	5. Sundas, 16th Sun's Height, 2E 582

_ A fair warning to anyone reading this: this particular entry will not be remotely formal, for reasons you will understand very, very soon. At this point, however, it is highly unlikely that anyone will ever read this beside myself, so I feel little shame in repurposing my field notebook as a diary for however much longer I have left. _

_ Now that we have that out of the way. The lead I mentioned yesterday (at least, I hope it was yesterday) did pan out. Just not at all in the way I hoped. One moment, I was going to meet with a contact. The next, I woke up chained in a line of prisoners, on my way to what appeared to be some kind of horrifying ritual sacrifice. _

_ Morbidly fascinating as it was, I wasn’t about to just wait around to die. So I didn’t. With the aid of a little magic, I managed to slip my bonds, and reached for the device. The amulet. _

_ I wasn’t subtle enough. One of the guards saw me doing it. In a single blow from a mace, my hand was shattered, and the amulet with it. The pain was… well, for a brief moment before I passed out from it, I understood very well why our Justiciars in Skyrim find so much success with similar methods. _

_ Then I passed out. And I woke up here. _

_ I don’t know where I am. I don’t know how I’m alive, or why my hand is no longer shattered but the device is nowhere to be found. I can assume that my captors healed my hand, but disposed of the device. _

_ That is… better than the alternative, I suppose. If they were able to fix it and use it, there is no telling what this addled necromantic cult would be able to do. _

_ But it also means I’m stranded here, two hundred years away from anyone who could help me. _

_ I should say that I don’t need help. But I do, and I don’t think I’ll find it. The amulet worked exactly as intended. It was my own foolishness that got me captured and the amulet destroyed, and now… I’m here. _

_ Wherever ‘here’ is. There must be some kind of magic at work in the air. I can barely motivate myself to write this entry, never mind try to escape. I’m in some kind of prison. I don’t recognize the architecture. _

_ The part I don’t particularly want to consider is that there may be a very good explanation for what happened to me. There is a very good explanation for why my hand no longer hurts, why  nothing hurts but everything feels numb and cold, and why I have a distinct feeling of something missing. _

_ Fortunately, the fact that I can write in this journal disproves that explanation. If I was dead, I would not be able to interact with material objects. So I must be in a prison somewhere, because the cult evidently deemed me too important to sacrifice for the moment. _

_ That doesn’t mean I won’t be killed later. Even if I find a way to escape this horrible place—which is particularly unlikely—the device is gone. The amulet is gone, and so the only way I’ll be able to return is by waiting two hundred years. _

_ It’s not entirely absurd. I’ll be older than both of my parents when I return, but it is far from unheard of for Altmer skilled in certain magical disciplines to live for three or four hundred years. I will still be able to return a hero. _

_ Perhaps this is the cult that caused the Oblivion Crisis in the first place. If it is, I might already be a lot closer to accomplishing my goal than I feared. _

_ Apologies for the less than coherent writing of earlier. I think I’ll tear this section out when I’ve written a bit more. It won’t do at all for my superiors to learn just how badly I was sidetracked. _

_ —Agent Canalie _

* * *

_ I hear footsteps outside, as well as the telltale clash of metal against metal. Someone else here is trying to break out, and the sounds are getting closer. _

_ This is my best chance of escape, no matter how distasteful an individual I might find myself working with. Before I get their attention, I will first cast a charm on this book to prevent any prying eyes from reading it. _

_ Technically, the charm I intend to use means only those I trust will be able to read it, but seeing as anyone I might have trusted is at least two hundred years in the future, it functions just as well as a charm that would prevent anyone except me from reading it, with much less effort on my part. _

_ I’ll have to remove it later. There’s not really anyone I would trust even back home, and certainly not in the Thalmor.  _

_ I’ll tear out this part too. Obviously no one trusts anyone in the Thalmor, that’s a great way to get yourself killed, but admitting that is something else entirely. _

_ —Agent Canalie _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> She still doesn't know. Either Lyris or the Prophet can fix that. The good thing about being stuck in Coldharbour is that you have an excuse for asking what year it is...


	6. Morndas, 17th Sun's Height, 2E 582

_ I can already imagine the skeptical looks these notes are getting, now that I’ve put in the year it actually is. Or… would be getting, if I ever make it home. That is getting progressively less and less likely, so the next best thing I can do is periodically leave notes in the prearranged drop point. I do not like the odds of paper lasting for two eras, but if I am careful, and ensure the drop point is dry and will carefully preserve my notes… it’s still debatable. So maybe I won’t tear anything out just yet. _

_ I suppose I should start at the beginning.The footsteps I mentioned belonged to an alarmingly tall Nord warrior with an equally alarmingly big axe. She called herself Lyris Titanborn, and explained the situation… a little. _

_ I was, in fact, dead. I had been sacrificed by Mannimarco—yes, that Mannimarco, which brought up more questions about what year this was—and had consequently wound up in the realm of Oblivion known as Coldharbour, or more specifically, the realm of Molag Bal, Daedric Prince of Domination. _

_ There were those among my peers who dismissed the very existence of many Daedric Princes, but Molag Bal was never one of them. He was one we were always wary of, for reasons that are immediately obvious if one knows anything at all about Molag Bal. _

_ I was dead. I am not now, thanks to a temporary alliance with Lyris to free us both from Coldharbour which did not go at all the way she anticipated. Specifically, Lyris is still in Coldharbour, but her ally—a haggard, blind Imperial man who blatantly refused to give me a name save ‘The Prophet’—got himself and I out. _

_ Another thing: neither Lyris nor the Prophet were actually dead. They weren’t sacrificed. They were kidnapped and taken to Coldharbour the usual way, through a portal while still living. _

_ This is… a lot, I know. My thoughts are all jumbled and disorganized and to be completely honest, I’m surprised I’m sane at this point. _

_ I was dead. I’m not anymore, for the most part. My soul is still held by Molag Bal, which is even more of a problem than it sounds like, but for the moment: I am free. I am on the island of Khenarthi’s Roost, and I am writing this before I go out and deal with actual people for obvious reasons. _

_ I certainly don’t know what it will be like out there. Anything could happen. You see, by the time Lyris and I had fought alongside each other for a little bit, I decided I didn’t care enough to hide any longer, and asked her what year it was.  _

_ 2E 582. The year of the Planemeld.  _

_ Knowing that, a lot of other things suddenly made sense. I may not have studied the time period of the Planemeld anywhere near as much as I did the time period I was supposed to end up in, but I know my basic history. _

_ Now I’ve got to get my soul back. I don’t remember how the Planemeld ended, but it must have ended, somehow. Eventually, and clearly not with the merging of Tamriel and Coldharbour. I’ve got to get my soul back, and I will once the Planemeld is ended. _

_ There’s really not much else I can do. I’ll be dead long before the Oblivion Crisis. I don’t have a prayer of remaking the amulet on my own, and who, exactly, would I be able to ask for help? Is there anyone I would even want to ask for help? _

_ Rhetorical question. Of course there isn’t. The only thing I can do right now, I suppose, is do my best to blend in. Act natural. Pretend I still have a soul and everything doesn’t hurt. _

_ Pretend there’s still a way to get home. _

_ —Canalie _

* * *

_ For the most part, I have blended in. There was apparently a hurricane just off of Khenarthi’s Roost that shipwrecked many of the (First?) Aldmeri Dominion’s ships, and it hasn’t been hard to pretend to be a marine. The issue is the rest of that part: one particularly annoying cat who calls himself Razum-dar. _

_ Apparently, I have him to thank for fishing me out of the ocean. The problem is, he saw me fall out of thin air directly into the ocean, and immediately saw through my attempts to pass myself off as a Dominion Marine. There is clearly more to him than meets the eye, but my own attempts at interrogation only gave up more information about me. Fortunately nothing crucial. _

_ At least he seems to be, for the most part, willing to help me blend in. There are opportunities for people who fall from the sky? Lovely. Just what I wanted to hear. I’ll play along as long as I have to, but no longer. Once I have a way out, I will be taking it, thank you very much Razum-dar, I’ll go deal with the rescue efforts and the undead now please leave me alone. _

_ —Canalie _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> how to tell once she starts getting along with Raz: keep an eye out for when she starts actually referring to him as Raz.


	7. Tirdas, 18th Sun’s Height, 2E 582

_ I haven’t done this much running around since my training days. At least I’ve managed to figure out some of what’s going on in Khenarthi’s Roost. But also: I was under the impression that Khenarthi’s Roost was relatively quiet and there was not much going on in the area. _

_ There’s a lot going on in the area. In all fairness, most of the problems seem to have been caused by one singular extremely devastating hurricane, but still. _

_ I’ve helped rescue and patch up some actual Dominion Marines, and found one apparently ritually sacrificed in a cave. That was fun to discover. I’ve thrown thunderbug eggs at rat nests and exterminated the rest myself, repaired a  pirate privateer ship and gone to rescue some of their crew from yet another Maormer ritual… _

_ Ah, yes, the Maormer. Sea Elves, apparently, to our High Elves and Wood Elves. They look a little like the Dunmer yet very much not—no red eyes, for one—and apparently they’ve been causing trouble for years. Decades. Centuries. Whole eras. _

_ So I should have known the Maormer existed, right? _

_ Nope. I’d never heard of them. Not until today. I’ve been pretending I did, and for what I can’t lie about acting like I’ve hit my head (not inaccurate), but… this seems like something that I would know about. This seems like something I should have at least heard of, at some point. _

_ Where are the Maormer in the Fourth Era? _

_ Then again, considering that they apparently invade coastal areas regularly, attack ships on the sea, and apparently can cause devastating storms using their disgusting ritual magic, it’s probably a good thing that I haven’t heard of them. _

_ But that still begs the question. Where are they? I’m not stupid. I know the Thalmor hides things from the common people for the greater good. It only makes sense. Something like this could cause a panic, and the last thing we need is another futile uprising. _

_ Hiding things from the common people for the greater good is one thing. This is the sort of thing the Thalmor should know about. I’m no Emissary, for certain, but… this is the sort of thing I should have known about. _

_ Treasonous as it is to think this, never mind write this, it does make me wonder. What else have they been hiding from me? From everyone?  ~~ Is my sister ~~ _

_ I don’t think these qualify as field notes anymore. But it helps to keep me from thinking too hard about some things, if I write them down, so I’ll send some of my field notes back if I figure out some way to. Most of these, I think I won’t. _

_ Then again, I’m currently hundreds of years before the formation of the Third Aldmeri Dominion, and I strongly suspect that they won’t have the resources or time to make another amulet. So, I’m most likely stuck here, as if they were able to make another amulet they would use it to actually complete Operation Bloodline, not to retrieve an agent that’s already failed in her mission and then some. _

_ I don’t think there is any way I’ll ever be able to return to my native time. So, considerations of whether or not I would choose to, if given the choice, are completely moot. _

_ —Canalie _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If I understand the UESP wiki at all, sometime in the Third Era the Maormeri navy got destroyed by a storm (ironically enough) and they haven't had the strength to attack again since. Cana doesn't have the benefit of being able to read the UESP wiki, though. And what's this about a sister? ;)


	8. Middas, 19th Sun's Height, 2E 582

_ So I’m a woodworker now apparently, add that to the list of life skills the Thalmor didn’t teach me and didn’t care about. Can it be called woodworking if you mostly use telekinesis spells to lift fallen timbers back into place and hold them there to be nailed in by someone else? I honestly have no idea and I won’t be asking. But I’ve done some of that, I set some kwama on fire to let what appeared to be a spriggan heal the roots of an exceedingly large tree, and I know I need to be investigating the undead on the other side of the island but there’s just so much to do over here. _

_ At least my helping out… somewhat, has earned me a place to stay while I’m on Khenarthi’s Roost, for as long as I’ll be on this island. Ideally it won’t be very long. I have places to be and my soul to get back, and I think if I don’t have some kind of a goal, something to work for at all times, I could easily just… fade away. Back to Coldharbour. _

_ I never want to go back to Coldharbour again, to be honest. No amount of fire magic or warm clothes could keep that chill from seeping into your bones. But I’m going to have to, eventually. _

_ I won’t yet. Not until I’m much stronger. I may have exaggerated my capabilities somewhat back in the Thalmor. I can easily take on a heretic Talos worshipper, for instance, but multiple enemies at once? Mage robes simply won’t do. I’ll be acquiring a set of the heaviest armor I can find as soon as I can. I’ll need it. If I’d had armor on before the amulet was broken, I might have been able to shield it and keep it from being broken in the first place. _

_ What’s done is done. The amulet is gone, and I don’t want to accept that, but I have to accept it sooner or later. I have no way home. I have no way to even make it to the time of the Oblivion Crisis, the time period I was supposed to be in. _

_ I can at least work to stop the Planemeld. I don’t remember very much about that period of time, except that there was a hero involved known only as “Vestige.” _

_ The Prophet called me that. A vestige of my former self. Not exactly as he imagined, but not entirely unwelcome either. I think he knew where I was really from, and I wouldn’t be surprised if he knew when I was really from as well. He didn’t ask. I didn’t offer. _

_ I couldn’t be that hero. Could I? _

_ You know what, that’s enough thinking for today. I’m going to go fight some thunderbugs and see what else I can find. Magic itself is… very different, two eras before the time I learned it in. But a sword is a sword, a shield is a shield, and armor is armor. Magic might have changed over time, but it doesn’t look like smithing has. _

_ —Canalie _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The Prophet totally knows. It probably didn't help that she panicked when Lyris told her what year it was (or at least what year she was pretty sure it was, Coldharbour is weird about time) and when Lyris was like "oh gods how long have you been here for?" Cana panicked some more and was like "YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND IT'S NOT HOW LONG I'VE BEEN HERE IT'S HOW FAR BACK I AM" and the trip to go find the Prophet involved a lot of confused screaming.


	9. Turdas, 20th Sun’s Height, 2E 582

_ I made the wrong choice. I thought, maybe, if I handed over the skooma, I could convince the officer to let the surviving family members go. I thought a lot of things. I thought wrong. She let me go, and arrested them. Nothing I said then could change anything. _

_ They’d already been through enough. They’d lost their father, and—there’s no better way to put this. I fucked up. Badly. And I don’t think there’s a way to fix this. _

_ I’ve doomed them. And I don’t even know their names. If I had known—I’m not sure what I would have done, if I had known what would happen. But it wouldn’t have been this. _

_ I’m sorry. I shouldn’t be sorry. My brain is screaming that they had it coming, after all they were nothing more than thieving cats, but… they didn’t. They really, really, didn’t. The sister was just trying to make ends meet. The brother was trying to stop the skooma before it was too late. _

_ There might not be anything I can do to help them specifically. But I can stop the people who drove them to that. Smugglers. I’ve heard the name ‘Crosstree Bandits’ thrown around quite a bit. I don’t know who they are or where they are, except that they’re somewhere on Khenarthi’s Roost. _

_ I’m going to find them if I have to search every inch of this island. And I’ll make sure they don’t ruin anyone else’s lives. I owe that much to the two I ruined myself. _

_ I’m so sorry. _

_ —Canalie _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I mean, I don't know what I _thought_ was going to happen on that quest but it sure was a punch to the gut when I looked on the wiki and found out there was a way _not_ to get them arrested.


	10. Fredas, 21st Sun’s Height, 2E 582

_ Good news: the undead are once again sealed where they belong in the temple. One particular undead, at least, is sealed. The rest are just harmless piles of inanimate bones now. _

_ Bad news: someone was sealed in there with that… whatever that thing was. It had to be either Rurelion, a teacher, or Gathwen, his apprentice. _

_ Logically, it makes far more sense to sacrifice the older mer than his equally skilled, younger apprentice, since she’ll likely live longer than he would have. And he’s not dead. He’s just possessed in a prison there is no easy way to get him out of. Theoretically, he could be freed in the future. _

_ But Gathwen wanted me to pick her. I suspect she has feelings for her master, and those feelings are reciprocated, which made this choice even worse. _

_ I almost picked her, despite Rurelion being the obvious choice by every metric except the one I should have considered the most important. Certainly the one the Thalmor would have wanted me to consider the most important. _

_ Rurelion is an Altmer. Gathwen is a Bosmer. _

_ Rurelion was the obvious choice to stay behind. But I almost picked Gathwen. _

_ I’m glad I didn’t, even if she was particularly angry at me for it. Even if my superiors back home would have been angry at me for picking the clearly superior Rurelion, because… he wasn’t. He was just as fallible as Gathwen, if not more so. _

_ Maybe things are just different in the Fourth Era. Or maybe, the Thalmor are  ~~ wrong ~~ misguided. _

_ I don’t know anymore. I just don’t know. _

_ —Canalie _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Maybe don't cross out that one bit, Cana, you're getting closer at least?


	11. Loredas, 22nd Sun's Height, 2E 582

_ I spent most of today trekking across Khenarthi’s Roost looking for skooma smugglers. I haven’t found them yet, but I’ve got a lead for a place called Hazak’s Hollow in the northeast. I’m going there tomorrow. It’s late today, and I spent far too long looking for cursed books. _

_ At this point I’m just going to assume every single Daedric Prince exists, because I’ve already dealt with two of them and that’s two Daedric Princes too many. Hermaeus Mora is one that, in theory, could be alright! _

_ In practice, he (like most Daedra) is perhaps just a little bit too murdery for any sane person’s liking. I understand that this adventurer Sahira-Daro wanted to keep the books. I also understand that the last three or four people who wanted the same thing got murdered. _

_ Also, if setting the books on fire made my head hurt that much? Clearly something powerful didn’t want me to burn them. And that something powerful can go choke on a brick in Coldharbour for all I care. _

_ I’m not going to be told what to do by a Daedra, thank you very much. I answer to no one but the Thalmor, and the Thalmor I answer to don’t yet exist. _

_ So for now, I answer to no one. It’s a strange feeling. _

_ I like it. _

_ —Canalie _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> oh honey that's not gonna be the last time you deal with Daedra, not by a long shot :>


	12. Sundas, 23rd Sun’s Height, 2E 582

_ Hazak, the leader of the Crosstree Bandits, is dead. I had some help dealing with the others, from a son who had lost his father to skooma, and his mother. _

_ I… thought that all Khajiit liked skooma. I was wrong. Moon sugar can be used to make skooma, but moon sugar in itself is not inherently harmful. (Not to Khajiit, anyway. Others is a different story, which likely doesn’t help the way people confuse skooma and moon sugar either.) _

_ Moon sugar is not skooma. Somehow, the Thalmor aren’t aware of this fact. I can see how they made the mistake but… it’s not like it would be hard to fix. The Khajiit are our allies. I know that much of the Thalmor considers them to be lesser, and… I can’t say I haven’t absorbed some of that myself, because I have. _

_ It’s becoming rapidly more and more clear that the Thalmor is wrong about a lot of things. I’d like to think this isn’t out of malice, but…  _

_ I don’t know anymore. I just don’t know. _

_ I’m going to make the journey to Mistral tomorrow morning. I’ve gotten very good at traveling with a set of heavy armor on. It’s certainly heavier than the average set of armor, which probably doesn’t help my chances of blending in, but… _

_ I died. I died last Sundas, and I have no intention of doing so again. Heavy armor might not do much in the long run, but… it might. And I know I can trust armor I forged myself. _

_ It’s been too long since I worked a forge. I remember my sister’s betrothed came from a long line of metalworkers, and he tried to teach us both. My sister never liked it much. Maybe it was just the added pressure of knowing they’d be married someday. _

_ I liked him. Not in the way my sister was supposed to and I’m not convinced she ever did, but… as a friend. As another sibling, the brother I never actually had. Then, of course, he betrayed the Dominion and was killed as a traitor, but… _

_ I’m wondering, now. About both him and my sister. I’m wondering about a lot of things. But if I think too hard about any of them, I’m going to scream and there goes the illusion of me being a halfway functional mer. _

_ Sleep sounds like a really good idea right about now. _

_ —Canalie _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Feeling stressed? Go whack metal things on an anvil! It works for Cana, and there's a nice little bonus of being able to use the stuff you stress-forged!


	13. Morndas, 24th Sun’s Height, 2E 582

_ Razum-dar was very interested to hear that the Maormer could conjure up storms using ritual magic, and that the Mourning Stone was a potent source of ritual power. And also was sealing away a certain… whatever Uldor was. Whoever Uldor was. _

_ As for Raz, he still refuses to say what he really is. Who he really is. Razum-dar might not even be his real name, but if it isn’t, it’s certainly something that starts with Raz. I don’t think even he could fake that much. But, at this point, I’m pretty sure I’ve done enough investigating for him that I’ve more than repaid for being pulled out of the water. _

_ Which means, should I help him with whatever is going on in Mistral, he’ll owe me one. That could be useful, even if I still don’t know who he really is. _

_ So that’s exactly what I’ll do. Time to tell him that yes, I’ll help him. This time. I give no guarantees for the future. _

_ —Canalie _

* * *

_ I’m to go find someone called the Silvenar. Apparently he’s some kind of Bosmeri spiritual leader?  _

_ (Once again, something I know absolutely nothing about that I should have.) _

_ The issue is, I can’t get inside the Chancery to speak with him. It’s too crowded, and it’s getting late. Tomorrow, then. _

_ —Canalie _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yesterday legally didn't exist. (Kidding, but yeah, we're back to our regularly scheduled updates starting today hopefully. Ignore the fact that it's like less than an hour until midnight my time. Maybe I'll post the next chapter after midnight since it's technically?? A new day?? I'll figure it out.)


	14. Tirdas, 25th Sun's Height, 2E 582

_ Got in to see the Silvenar at last. It helped when I showed him the token Razum-dar gave me—which brings up even more questions about that cat, by the way, how does he know a Bosmeri diplomat? Razum-dar has to be some kind of intelligence agent. I’d guess this era’s Thalmor but this era’s Thalmor is bureaucracy, more bureaucracy, and look! Even more bureaucracy. No field agents in the slightest, and certainly no spying. _

_ What Raz is (and who he’s working for) can wait. The Maormer are being difficult, to put it mildly. There is apparently a treaty between them and the people of Khenarthi’s Roost, and the Dominion even attempting to negotiate with either party is making the Maormer rather… uncooperative. _

_ I’m almost certain at this point that they caused the hurricane. Which I shouldn’t complain about, because it gave me a cover story, but that’s so, so far from the only thing at stake. People have died. A lot of people have died. And, if they manage to do it again… _

_ Honestly, I shouldn’t be wasting time writing this, but I’ve got to do something besides twiddle my thumbs while I’m waiting for the guard rotation at the Maormer Embassy to change over. Am I, perhaps, about to be breaking and entering? Maybe. _

_ It’s for a good cause. Neither the people of Khenarthi’s Roost nor the Maormer will produce their copy of the treaty, because the Maormer’s copy is far away from here and Mistral’s copy was stolen. By the Maormer. _

_ I don’t like Raz. I certainly don’t trust Raz. But he’s good at what he does, at “being a simple Khajiit” if he keeps wanting to say that. He practically did everything for me. Everything, that is, except the actual breaking and entering. _

_ He said I don’t have a firm connection to the Dominion, and therefore sending me in is safer. That implies he does have a firm connection to the Dominion, or at the very least more of one than me. So he can’t be a marine since I’m pretending to be a marine. _

_ Guard rotation’s about to change. Time to go. _

_ —Canalie _

* * *

_ Mission accomplished. I’d almost feel bad about getting that guard fired, except he really, really had it coming and also he was a Maormer and I’ve yet to meet a single one that even pretended to be civil. I had to get rid of him somehow, and he was honestly even less friendly than most. _

_ It was moon sugar or getting someone else involved, and I’m not getting someone else involved even if she’s presumably a Khajiit. So: moon sugar. _

_ Raz is looking over the treaty now. He also keeps stealing glances at this book when he thinks I’m not looking. Glad I already enchanted it. If he asks, this is my journal and I would appreciate my privacy actually being respected, thanks. _

_ Anyway. He’s looking over the treaty now. I think he’s on the last page, and honestly at this point I didn’t think it was possible for him to look more alarmed. Or amused. Really it’s a strange mix of both, and those are two emotions that you really don’t often see together. _

_ Looks like he’s done. Time to take it to the Silvenar. _

_ —Canalie _

* * *

_ Xarxes’ book, I should have taken the treaty directly to the Silvenar instead of letting Raz look over it. I really, really shouldn’t have stayed around a bit longer to chat. _

_ The Silvenar is dead. Poisoned, if I had to guess. And while everyone here is refusing to state the obvious, it’s not like it’s hard to guess who killed him. I’ve been deputized by Headwoman Harrani. I think she’s the closest thing the people of Khenarthi’s Roost have to a proper leader? _

_ The important thing is, I can investigate now, and I’m going to. There’s been a few suspicious incidents in the last few days, all involving the Maormer which isn’t surprising in the slightest. The warehouse is closest. I’ll check there first. Then the apothecary, and then we’ll see if I can’t talk my way onto a heavily guarded Maormer ship. _

_ There’s a reason that option is last. _

_ —Canalie _

* * *

_ I have all the evidence I need. More than enough, to tell the truth. All clues point to the Sea Elves and I wish I could say I’m surprised. Actually, no, I don’t, I saw this coming miles away. _

_ And so, evidently, did Raz. _

_ Time to find the Green Lady. I’m not entirely sure why Raz wants me to take this to her, or where she is—hence why I’m writing this now while waiting for her to show up—but if I had to guess, I’d guess she’s a tracker of some sort. There’s a reason  my the Thalmor use so many Bosmeri agents as spies. Even if they don’t…  _

_ I think I see her coming. _

_ —Canalie _

* * *

_ It might have been the better thing to do to prevent the Green Lady from murdering that pathetic excuse of an ambassador. It almost certainly would have been what’s ‘right.’ But she’ll give him exactly what he deserves, and who am I to take that away? Even if I strongly suspect whatever she’ll be doing to him will be… barbaric, at best. _

_ Harrani is not particularly happy with me, but she accepted the lie that he was already dead by the time I got there. She and others suspect the Maormer are planning something. _

_ They might even strike tonight. I sincerely hope they don’t, because I’m dead on my feet at this point, so I’m going to stop writing this and sleep while I can. _

_ But first. I’ll say this: the Maormer aren’t going to get away with this. Khenarthi’s Roost should mean nothing to me, but… these people don’t deserve to be obliterated. They’re not skooma smugglers. They’re not liars and thieves. They’re just people. _

_ I need to sleep. My head hurts and while I doubt it’s from just a lack of sleep, sleep can’t possibly make it any worse. _

_ —Canalie _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Cana:  
> The Green Lady:  
> Ulondil:  
> Cana: I saw absolutely nothing. *very quickly leaves*


	15. Middas, 26th Sun's Height, 2E 582

_ The sun is shining, the birds are singing, today is shaping up to be a nice pleasant day with no sign of any ritual magic or angry Maormer invaders. _

_ Mara’s heart, I wish that were true. There’s already storm clouds forming on the horizon, and they’re a long way away now but they won’t stay that way for long. Looks like a marine’s running in Harrani’s direction. _

_ I should probably head that way too. _

_ —Canalie _

* * *

_ I’m going to be completely blunt and say: fuck the Maormer. They’re so sure that they’re superior to the rest of us, and then they have to resort to things like summoning a literal hurricane to win. And even then, they don’t, and they haven’t. _

_ Which is good because if they’d succeeded, there wouldn’t be anything left of Khenarthi’s Roost to fight back. Between myself, that thoroughly insufferable excuse for a wizard Ealcil, and Sergeant Firion of the Dominion Marines, we’ve managed to stop that. Hopefully the Maormer will know better than to try again anytime soon. Hopefully. _

_ Razum-dar tried to talk me into going to Auridon. Ah, yes, I’d love to! After I take a day on Khenarthi’s Roost to forge myself some proper armor and recover from nearly dying again on about three separate occasions. The cheapest way to get to Auridon is on Captain Jimila’s ship, seeing as she owes me one, and she has no intention of leaving until tomorrow. _

_ So: armor. Maybe a better sword and shield too, I’ve been using what I could scrounging around the island but if I’m going to be here, in the Second Era, for any longer period of time? I’m going to need better gear. And I don’t think I’m going anywhere else anytime soon. _

_ They wouldn’t let me forge my own gear in the Thalmor. Which is perfectly alright, it makes perfect sense to have a uniform. It’s nice to be out of mage robes for good, though. And to be able to use an actual sword instead of conjuring up a bound dagger. I really, really don’t like daggers. Never did. That’s one good thing about being stranded here, I suppose. _

_ I think that’s enough introspection for today. Probably for the week. I’ll write again once I’m in Auridon. Most likely, it’ll be back to the city of Vulkhel Guard. _

_ That’ll be strange, although I suppose I know why it’s so much bigger than I remember now. _

_ —Canalie _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AURIDON AURIDON AURID


	16. Middas, 3rd Last Seed, 2E 582

_ I lied. I’m not quite to Auridon yet, but the Prowler is coming up on the harbor now and… well, I wasn’t paying anywhere near as much attention the first time I took a boat to Vulkhel Guard. The harbor looks the same. The water looks the same, and the beach is the same, but the city is two or three times the size it was. Or… will be, two eras from now. _

_ Auri-El’s immortal soul, this is confusing. Don’t think it’ll ever not be confusing to be honest. But it’s my new normal, so I have to get used to it at some point. I should have gotten used to it by now. _

_ Obviously, I haven’t yet. I might never. But I have to try. _

_ Once I’m here, I’m supposed to find Watch Captain Astanya and tell her Raz sent me. Something about the queen. I’m still not sure which queen. I can’t exactly ask for obvious reasons, I’m trying to fit in and it’ll be even more obvious to Raz that I’m hiding something if I ask him, and asking anyone else would be even worse. _

_ I studied the end of the Third Era in preparation for my mission, not the middle (I think?) of the Second Era. We didn’t really cover the monarchy in history classes, seeing as it was deemed unimportant. There were a few exceptions, but this queen couldn’t be any of them. The only name I can think of that would have been around the right time is… Ayrenn I, I think? Can’t have been Ayrenn II, she was in the early years of the Third Era. _

_ Whoever this queen is, she definitely can’t be Ayrenn I. The people like her too much for that. _

_ —Canalie _

* * *

_ I was wrong. The current monarch is Queen Ayrenn I. Or just Queen Ayrenn, I guess, since there isn’t a second Ayrenn and won’t be for a few hundred years at least. She’s not at all what I was expecting, although I’d be lying if I said this was the first time something like this had happened. _

_ Ayrenn I was a terrible ruler. Everyone knows that. Or… will know that, since I doubt even my grandparents have been born at this point. She founded the First Aldmeri Dominion, in name, but historians attribute that in reality to one of her advisors as she lacked the political expertise and the strength of character to do so. She was best known for entangling Alinor in the Alliance War, a war that ended in a stalemate for all sides and cost countless Altmeri lives. _

_ I heard from the watch captain of Vulkhel Guard who the queen was, and I… wasn’t sure what I was expecting. Ayrenn I wasn’t seen as a bad person, necessarily, just a foolish one unwilling or unable to do what needed to be done to win the war, never mind protect her own borders. But I was curious, and I didn’t mind helping out Astanya for a little while, and then I was going to live out my life well away from any of this bullshit. Maybe try and settle down near Vulkhel Guard, so I could keep at least a little bit of familiarity. _

_ Ironically enough, it was Astanya that changed my mind on that. Mainly by trying to kill me. Apparently there was some kind of plot on the queen’s life that Astanya was masterminding, and she didn’t want me getting in the way. So she framed me and stuck me in prison. _

_ I say ironically because, if she hadn’t done that, I might have been willing to help her. But I’m really, really glad she didn’t, and I wasn’t, because… well. I’ll get to that. By the time I woke up in prison, she’d made it personal. And then I got jailbroken by none other than Raz himself. He confirmed that yes, he works for Queen Ayrenn, and that apparently I needed to go warn her because he’d be recognized too easily. _

_ It makes sense. A Khajiit with bright red hair, spiked up like that, is pretty distinctive. Even if that meant I’d have to do quite a bit of legwork to even get in to see her. But I wanted to see the queen for myself, so… I agreed. _

_ Queen Ayrenn is not at all what I was expecting. She was supposed to be a bad ruler. She was supposed to be weak, the kind of ruler that pursued her own agenda at the expense of her people. _

_ But she’s not. I think? First impression was a good one, seeing as she was willing to listen to my warning in the first place when nobody else was. Then I’m pretty sure she would have faced down her own assassins (and won) if Battlereeve Urcelmo hadn’t agreed to investigate with me. _

_ She’s capable, I can tell that just by looking at her. She’s not some noble who’s never picked up a sword except for ceremonial purposes, she knows how to use it and it shows. It shows in the way she stands, the way she walks, the way she has an authority to her words that isn’t just from her being a queen. _

_ She’s not weak. That I’m sure of. From what I can tell, the (First) Aldmeri Dominion was her idea, and it sounds suspiciously like most of her advisors were against it. But it’s working, clearly. Better than anyone expected. Obviously it can’t last forever, but… however long it lasts, it’s doing well. So far. _

_ Also: I was right about Raz. He doesn’t just work for Queen Ayrenn, he works directly under her as an Eye of the Queen. She asked me if I’d like to become one. She thought I’d make a good one, for some reason. I’m not sure why, but the way she looked at me… it was like she thought I could do anything. Be anything.  _

_ I shouldn’t have accepted. But how could I not? If nothing else, it’s because the Veiled Heritance (the group behind this attempt, and opposers of the alliance) made things personal. That’s it. That’s all there is to it. If it wasn’t for that, I wouldn’t have accepted. _

_ That’s what I’d like to think, anyway. At least this way I have an excuse for not being able to say anything but yes. Another reason why I said yes: I can figure out why the way Queen Ayrenn I is remembered is so different from the way she clearly is. _

_ I’m sure I can come up with more reasons if I need to. Just because I couldn’t think of one at the time doesn’t mean there aren’t plenty of perfectly valid reasons for saying yes. _

_ —Canalie _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ~~oh there's a reason alright~~


	17. Turdas, 4th Last Seed, 2E 582

_ The Queen just left for Tanzelwil. There’s some kind of ceremony there to honor ancestral spirits, and while she thinks it should go smoothly, she asked me to make my way there at my own pace in case something goes wrong. I definitely can respect hoping for the best yet preparing for the worst.  _

_ I think I should head out myself sooner rather than later. I’ll repair my armor, see if there’s anything I can do relatively quickly (and preferably easily) for extra coin, and then it’s off to Tanzelwil for me too. _

_ I’d like to think that everything would be fine, but if it’s not and I don’t get there fast it won’t matter if I get there at all. I might still be conflicted about a lot of things (to put it lightly) but I have a job now. Apparently. So I’m going to do it. _

~~_ She called me reliable. Trustworthy. I nearly cried and I don’t know _ ~~

_ I’ve heard that the Mages Guild and Fighters Guild have guildhalls in Vulkhel Guard. Obviously both guilds are no longer in existence by the Fourth Era, but I know where they are. The Mages Guildhall had been nothing but a burned out shell since long before I was born, but the Fighters Guildhall was very fun for a much younger me to play around in with her friends. Until it collapsed, and by then I was too old for playing at all. _

_ I didn’t exactly have a ton of friends, either. It was just me, my sister, and Ganriil. Life was pretty good back then, back before any of us knew about or cared about the Thalmor at all. And then everything changed, and I used to hate Loranya for leaving and Ganriil for betraying us all and them both for standing against the Thalmor but now… _

_ This is as good a time as any to work out those pesky little things called feelings. I can’t go home anymore. I’m not sure I’d want to if I could. But if I could, I think I’d leave too. I’d take the Thalmor’s file on Lora with me, so I could figure out where she is these days, and once I did I’d burn it. _

_ Ganriil’s dead. But as far as I know, my sister isn’t. If I could see her again, I’d… say a lot of things. Apologies, mostly. I can’t do that now, and I never will be able to. _

_ I wish I had before I signed on to this project. I wish I had known better, realized that I was, that the Thalmor was, well. If they’re not entirely wrong about some of their core beliefs, then they’re very, very misguided. _

_ I was wrong. I was so, so wrong. I’m not sure I ever would have realized that without something this drastic. And if this had never happened, if I’d never gone back too far in time, I never would have met Queen Ayrenn. _

_ I would have had no idea what I was missing. I would have had no idea that the real Queen Ayrenn is nothing like they said she was. She has a way of making you feel, while you’re talking to her, like you’re the only person that matters. Like you could do anything. _

_ Missing that, I think, would have been a shame. _

_ —Canalie _

* * *

_ I am now, officially, a member of both the Mages Guild and the Fighters Guild! I raised a few eyebrows in the Mages Guild with how heavily armored I am at this point, you’d think they’d never seen a spellsword before. The important thing is, I got in. I’m all prepped for however long I’ll be on the road, it’s time to go. _

_ Tanzelwil is, supposedly, about half a day’s ride north of Vulkhel Guard. We didn’t call it that when I grew up. Or… aren’t going to call it that? Point is, I know the place, vaguely. I just didn’t know of a name beyond “haunted ruins nobody cared about.” _

_ Except, apparently people do care about it. Apparently new monarchs have to get the approval of the spirits there to be accepted by the people? So it makes sense why I wouldn’t have heard of it, at least. The monarchy was already long gone by the time I came around, it doesn’t seem like Tanzelwil is used for very much else. _

_ These spirits should approve of Ayrenn. There’s no good reason why they wouldn’t. But… well, there’s a reason I’m writing this on horseback, and it’s certainly not because it’s easier. If anything, it’s a lot harder to write on horseback. _

_ If the Veiled… Inheritance, I think? If they were able to strike in the middle of Vulkhel Guard, deserted ruins in the middle of nowhere would be a perfect place to try again. I’m sure Ayrenn can protect herself. I just want to be there to help. Just in case. _

_ I’ll be there soon. _

_ —Canalie _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ha! gay


	18. Fredas, 5th Last Seed, 2E 582

_ I really did mean to write about what happened at Tanzelwil last night, but considering how exhausted I remember being before completely collapsing into my bedroll, I can hardly blame myself for not. That just means it’s time to write this now. _

_ Side note before I start, I was right, she is really, really good with a sword. The Queen that is. Ayrenn. Even better than I was expecting, and I was expecting a lot already. She’s quite possibly the bravest person I’ve ever met. Not that I’ve met a lot of brave people, but I think she would still top them all if I had. _

_ Anyway, Tanzelwil. Everything seemed normal enough when I caught up with her entourage, but that was before I actually talked to someone. According to Prince Naemon—the Queen’s brother—the spirits had turned against everyone in the ruins for some strange, unknown reason. Queen Ayrenn, naturally, decided to go in and finish the ceremony anyway. _

_ Honestly, I doubt I was needed, but I wasn’t about to say no to being there if she did need me. It didn’t take too long to find her and Battlereeve Urcelmo from the entrance, and one particularly rude spirit. Honestly, if Urcelmo hadn’t stabbed him, I probably would have. _

_ In the end, it turned out that one of the Queen’s advisors, a nasty piece of work calling himself Norion (who I vaguely remembered as helping get me arrested in Vulkhel Guard) was controlling the spirits, as one does when they’re that desperate to depose someone who’s clearly the right person for the job.  _

_ Ayrenn didn’t seem too surprised that he was behind that. Disappointed, if anything, but certainly not surprised. I can’t say I was at all good at hiding my own surprise when she asked me, of all people, to accompany her into the depths of the ruins to complete the ritual and deal with Norion once and for all. _

_ I mean, her reasoning there was pretty solid, he wouldn’t know how I fight since I’m new to this whole… Eyes of the Queen thing. I just had a hard time believing that she’d want me there, instead of, I don’t know, the Battlereeve that is literally sworn to protect her and is probably better at this sort of thing? _

_ But I wasn’t about to say no. I couldn’t have said no if I wanted to. So I didn’t. _

_ Ayrenn dealt with Norion personally. But I’m proud to say I helped. She handled Norion, I handled the various ancestral spirits he kept throwing at us and made sure not one of them got near her. We made a surprisingly good team, all things considered. _

_ After she finished the ritual (which went off without a hitch once Norion wasn’t interfering anymore), she smiled at me. She told me her next big public appearance would be in Skywatch in nearly a month, on the first day of Hearth Fire, and she’d like it if I could be there. _

_ She was asking. She wasn’t demanding, if I’d said no I’m sure she would have understood. _

_ But how could I possibly say no? _

_ —Canalie _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> fellas, is it gay to run into a horde of angry ancestral spirits waving your sword and screaming immediately after your queen does exactly the same thing


	19. Loredas, 6th Last Seed, 2E 582

_ Dealt with some goblins in a cave, as you do. Heavily-armed goblins are something else entirely and something very much out of the norm. At least I know how they were heavily armed now, or at least who by: the Veiled Heritance. _

_ They go on and on about purity and tradition and how Ayrenn upholds neither and then turn around and work with 1) the Maormer, who want us all dead and 2) literal goblins. At this point I’m starting to wonder if the Veiled Heritance have a limit at all. Clearly it’s not the Maormer, and it’s not goblins. _

_ At least I had help, because there were a lot of goblins. Way too many to deal with on my own. Fortunately, I ran into a couple members of the Fighters Guild nearby, a tiny Khajiit healer with a spear larger than she was and a Redguard warrior I gathered was her (adopted?) grandfather. They were here on a contract to deal with some goblins that had been raiding the nearby countryside, guild business. And since I’m technically a Fighters Guild member now, I came along.  _

_ In theory, I was helping them. In reality, they were definitely helping me. It worked out in the end, we dealt with the goblins and the Veiled Heritance goon controlling them, and then they headed back to the Skywatch Guildhall. _

_ I’m on my way back to Vulkhel Guard, it’s closer, I know the city better, and I’ve got nearly a month to kill before I need to be in Skywatch. Also a whole lot of miscellaneous loot to sell/use in crafting/figure out somewhere to store things I don’t want to carry on me. Maybe there’s a bank or something. Otherwise I can always use a hole in the ground or a wall or something. I’m a spellsword, aren’t I? I can figure something out. _

_ —Canalie _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Anyway I definitely would _not_ have made it through that dungeon without Irisi ([Six's](https://archiveofourown.org/users/sixylicious) tiny Khajiit healer who is sadly not quite that tiny ingame but that's probably for the best because then we'd all lose our minds over her) and Kemosiri ([Roo's](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rooadoodle/pseuds/Rooadoodle) Redguard who I don't know as much about in his ESO incarnation but he is Very Cool) so...... they may or may not exist in this universe too. If that's okay lol


	20. Sundas, 7th Last Seed, 2E 582

_Back in Vulkhel Guard. Did not have to dig a hole in the ground outside town. Might see if there’s anything I can do for either of the guilds I’m now in while I’m here, preferably something with coin in it for me. Or training. Ideally both._

_The Mages Guild is closer, I’ll try there first._

_—Canalie_

* * *

_Well, I’ve got something to do alright. Going hunting for ancient books was not exactly what I had in mind, but at least the ruins of Ondil aren’t too far from here? They’re pretty close to Malthiisen, actually. Might as well stop in town while I’m there. I wonder how much it’s changed? Or I guess, not changed yet._

_Time is very strange and I’m sure Auri-El is having a laugh over my predicament wherever it is gods live. Wherever it is the Aedra live, anyway. Everyone knows the Daedra live in Oblivion (everyone that believes in Daedra, that is, there was a very vocal minority back home that didn’t believe they existed at all) and apparently there are some living gods over in Morrowind that are another thing I did not know about and should have._

_My father wrote a book on Morrowind once. I tried to read it when I was way younger than maybe I should have been, and got bored within the first couple paragraphs. I should have picked it up again once I was older. Maybe he talked about them, or maybe he didn’t, who knows?_

_I should have done a lot of things that I didn’t do. Sure, I can do a lot of them now, but no matter what I’m never going to see my family again. I’m never going to see Father again. I’m never going to see Loranya again, but that might be for the best considering I’d be honor-bound to arrest her if I ever saw her again._

_I’m never going to see my mother again, but that might be for the best too. That’s just for an entirely different reason than my sister._

_~~She is a little scary.~~ _

_~~She is terrifying and~~ _

_She is one of the most powerful people in the Thalmor for a reason. One doesn’t get to be the Second Emissary of Alinor by being a pushover. One gets to be the Second Emissary of Alinor by being ruthless, uncompromising, by doing whatever it takes to achieve her goals._

_There was nothing wrong with the way she raised us, necessarily. She made sure food was on the table, made sure we were provided for sufficiently. She just wasn’t really there. Not unless it was to reprimand us for something we did wrong._

_That’s still how it is today. Or how it was, I suppose she can’t exactly have followed me to the past. The whole point of Operation Bloodline was that I was doing this alone with nothing to keep me on track, save my proper Thalmor-instilled values._

_I understand now why it was so crucial for someone with strong values to be sent. I’ve been compromised and then some, but I’m not convinced even she would have been able to remain completely the same in the situation I’ve found myself in._

_I don’t think she would have given up like I did. I think she would have kept trying to find a way back to the future, but not because of anything like familial love. She would have done it out of her duty to the Thalmor._

_I have that same duty. But I’m not convinced, if I did have a way to go back, that I would do it. I’ve changed. I’ve been compromised, just like I swore I never would be._

_If I went back, I would be executed immediately, and my mother would be more than happy to do it. A part of me says that I should go back. It’s what she would do. It’s what any good Thalmor agent would do._

_I couldn’t. Maybe I could have, before everything that’s happened to me. Maybe I could have before I quite literally died. Now, I think of going back, and I have to think of something else or risk spiraling into full-blown panic._

_I can’t go back. I’ll die someday, again. Everyone does. But I can’t just willingly go to my own death for the sake of loyalty to a cause ~~I no longer believe in~~ that is clearly flawed._

_It’s getting late. I’m going to set out for Ondil in the morning. I need some time to think, and more importantly, I need to sleep._

_—Canalie_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Cana, nearly having a panic attack at the thought of going back: is this being compromised?
> 
> (yes it is but in a good way. wikihow to hug your own OC)


	21. Morndas, 8th Last Seed, 2E 582

_ The sun looks the same. If I just look at the sun, and the sky, and the sea, I can almost pretend that I’m home. _

_ I probably shouldn’t be looking at the sun anyway, though. The metaphorical deck would be even more stacked against me if I was stupid enough to blind myself like that. But the sky and the sea are fine, and they look the same. _

_ Everything else doesn’t. How many times has this city been rebuilt between now and the Vulkhel Guard I knew? At least once, I know that for certain, but it could easily be more than that. It’s practically unrecognizable now. _

_ There’s nothing to do for the Fighter’s Guild right now, although I’ve heard the new guildmaster is going to be visiting soon. That’s interesting, I suppose? Maybe by then there will actually be something I can do. _

_ In the meantime, Ondil! Books! It’ll be fun! It’s not like Ondil is too much further north than Tanzelwil. _

_ —Canalie _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Cana please stop saying "it'll be fun" every time you say that it is very much nOT FUN


	22. Tirdas, 9th Last Seed, 2E 582

_ Ondil was much farther than I expected. I did get there eventually, though. Only took all of Morndas and about half of Tirdas. I’ll definitely be staying the night in Mathiisen, that’s for sure. Camping out is all well and good but I’d rather only spend one night on the road between cities, thank you very much. _

_ Time to find some books. How hard can it be? _

_ —Canalie _

* * *

_ Vampires. _

_ —Canalie _

* * *

_ Got the books, killed as many of the vampires as I could but I think there’s still more, there’s always more. I think I got the one in charge though. Now I definitely need to go to Mathiisen, if only to let the guard there know that there’s a bunch of vampires hiding out in the area, because of course there are! _

_ I wouldn’t even have a problem with them if they weren’t, you know, actively preying upon travellers from the looks of it. Then again, vampires probably do need to drink blood to survive. Slight problem there. _

_ I don’t think any of the ones in Ondil will be following me, though. I may have caused, perhaps, a tiny bit of a cave-in. _

_ Worth it. Now, let’s take a look at these books while it’s still light out. _

_ —Canalie _

* * *

_ Who the fuck is Shalidor? Also, I’m not that young. I don’t care what some random ghost is talking about, or how he knows who gave me this assignment for the Mages Guild in the first place, or how he even knows who Valaste is. Or how he even knows who I am. _

_ Some ghost, I suppose, materialized when I opened one of the books. The book itself didn’t have any writing in it. Just the ghost calling himself Shalidor who seems to think I’ll do nicely. For what? _

_ I don’t trust him. I’ll return the books to Valaste and ask who this ‘Shalidor’ is, and then I’m done with whatever he wants. _

_ Right now: Mathiisen. It’s getting late, I’m getting tired, and I bet I can get a room at the inn fairly easily. _

_ —Canalie _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hehehe y'all know what's coming next chapter (and it's not the Shalidor stuff yet)


	23. Middas, 10th Last Seed, 2E 582

_ It would have been nice to know Raz was investigating Mathiisen before he broke into my inn room this morning. But no. Instead, he picks the lock and rushes in and I nearly stab him. _

_ He is so lucky I recognized him. And that he had a good excuse for breaking into my room and shutting the door behind him like he was being chased, because he was, in fact, being chased. Apparently this town is a hotbed of Veiled Heritance activity, one of Raz’s other agents has already turned up dead, and the only reason he didn’t reach out to me sooner was because he was being watched. _

_ His words, “Raz would rather not have anyone else turn up dead because of his investigation, yes?” _

_ So, thanks for that Raz, I appreciate it. You’re still really, really lucky I didn’t stab you on the spot. I’m still not entirely opposed to that idea. _

_ Except, there’s also still the issue of what exactly to do. The leadership of this town is definitely Veiled Heritance, they’ve proven they’re more than willing to kill innocent people to hide that fact, and Raz genuinely isn’t sure he has any way to get himself out of here or any time to get a message out of here, so it looks like we’re on our own. _

_ Yes, we. I had no say in this but I wasn’t exactly arguing passionately against getting involved. _

_ That would be why Raz is currently hiding in the closet while I’m acting like there is nothing wrong at all, there certainly wasn’t a very panicked Khajiit all but breaking down my door ten minutes ago, and he certainly isn’t still in here. _

_ I’ve never been more glad for the charm on this book. Obviously, if anyone follows Raz this far—which they might, particularly if they recognized him, which he thinks they did—they won’t find him here, and they won’t find anything incriminating here. I’m also new enough to this whole Eyes of the Queen thing that nobody should recognize me. Hopefully. _

_ It helps that most of the Eyes of the Queen are more shifty types, more stealth-oriented, and I am very much not that at all. I just happened to be in the right place at the right time, and for some reason the Queen liked me enough to make me one. Still not sure why. _

_ So here I am, writing away, passing the time in a completely unsuspicious manner. _

_ Honestly, I’m running out of things to write about. Maybe they aren’t coming. I’m still not sure why Raz kept talking about going into the closet like it was a bad thing. Why did he say back into the closet, anyway? Has he hidden in that closet before? _

_ I hear footsteps. Looks like Raz was right.  _

_ It’s showtime. _

_ —Cana _

* * *

_ They’re definitely suspicious of me, but in the sense that all newcomers to an area, particularly freelance adventurers, are suspicious. Not in the ‘probably an agent of the Queen’ sense. Which is good. I remembered too late that the lock on my door was still picked and therefore broken (thanks, Raz) but managed to pass it off as having gone for a walk late last night. Then I came back in, realized I’d locked myself out and didn’t want to wake anyone up, so I picked the lock and let myself back in. _

_ I’ll pay for a new lock. Would make Raz do it but there are obvious issues with that plan, mainly that he’s currently a wanted criminal ‘conspiring to treason against the Queen.’ I swear, these Veiled Heritance types have one alibi and that’s it. At least have some variety, come on! _

_ Also Raz literally will not stop making jokes about coming out of the closet. I feel like I’m missing something there. Honestly, I’m tempted to get myself arrested just to not have to deal with that anymore, because I really do not know what’s so funny about the closet. I don’t even know what a wayshrine is and I’m not about to ask. _

_ Wait. _

_ Arrested. _

_ There’s an idea. _

_ —Canalie _

* * *

_ My idea was to get Raz arrested but on second thought, I’ve got a better shot at getting actually arrested and not murdered on the spot, seeing as the Veiled Heritance really, really hates anyone who disagrees with them and hates anyone who’s not an Altmer more.  ~~ That sounds familiar actually ~~ So, the plan is for me to get myself arrested, but not before establishing myself as someone the Veiled Heritance would want to recruit. Then I’ll figure out their plans, regroup with Raz, and we’ll figure out what to do from there. _

_ It’s not like I don’t know how to act like that. It’s the way anyone high up in the Thalmor ever acted. The races of men were inherently foolish and weak, and while our fellow races of mer were superior to them at least, they still couldn’t hold a candle to Altmer. _

_ Just writing that makes me want to gag. I’d like to say I never truly believed any of it. I know I wasn’t ever as fanatical about it as some people were, which is why I never got to be high up in the Thalmor and wound up on Operation Bloodline instead. But I… don’t know. _

_ I don’t know how I ever believed any of it, now, but back then, there wasn’t another option. I don’t think Ganriil would have ever started what he started, if he hadn’t fought in the First Great War, if he hadn’t known what the world outside Alinor was like. And his cause died with him, but it certainly made me start questioning things. _

_ Maybe it wasn’t an accident that I was selected for Operation Bloodline. Maybe it wasn’t the opportunity I thought it was, either.  ~~ Maybe they wanted to get rid of me. ~~ _

_ I'm so not touching that mess right now. Time to go act like my mother would, maybe with a bit less of the ego. _

_ Strike that, the ego will be crucial. And it definitely wouldn’t hurt to borrow from her talent for causing strife and somehow staying out of it herself. _

_ —Canalie _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If I ever write out scenes from this AU, the events mentioned here are almost certainly going to be part of that. Because of the closet jokes if nothing else.


	24. Turdas, 11th Last Seed, 2E 582

_ So that didn’t go according to plan in the slightest, but nobody else died except the local leaders of the Veiled Heritance. I’d say it worked out in the end. Somewhat. _

_ Considering that I had to get broken out of prison by Raz for the second time this month, maybe we need a better plan next time. It definitely didn’t help that he made even more closet jokes on the way out, mainly because we both had to hide in another closet. He just flat out refuses to explain which makes things even worse. What’s so funny about coming out of the closet? Seriously? _

_ At this point, closet doesn’t even look like a word to me anymore. I’ve written it too many times.  _

_ I still don’t get it.  _

_ I think I’m getting an idea of what a wayshrine is, at least? Mainly because Raz saw right through my attempt to pretend that of course I’ve used a wayshrine before. Apparently, most towns (and some other areas, like outside ruins or midpoints between towns) have wayshrines in them. He pointed out the Malthiisen one. I’ve seen those before, I just… assumed they were just there to be decorative or something. _

_ Nope! There’s a whole transit network using them, run by the Mages Guild. There’s limits, of course—only one person can travel to a particular wayshrine at any given time, high profile members of any one of the three alliances are barred from their use, you have to have been to the wayshrine you’re traveling to before—but… this is a thing that exists. It sounds really useful. _

_ Why wasn’t this a thing in the future? I don’t know the answer, but I can make a few guesses. Politics, probably. Politics tend to ruin everything they touch sooner or later. _

_ When did I get so cynical? _

_ Oh, wait. Probably when I was, you know, murdered. That would definitely do it. And I at least have an excuse for not really using wayshrines before, I can easily claim to have not used much magic before. Or that I lived under a rock if all else fails. _

_ I don’t think Raz was particularly convinced by either of those options when I tried them earlier, though. But it’s fine! He went back to Skywatch now that the wayshrine wasn’t being watched by the Veiled Heritance, and I went back to Vulkhel Guard. _

_ I know. Vulkhel Guard is a solid two days ride away from Malthiisen, three if you don’t know the roads as well as you think (in other words, me). But I’m here. In Vulkhel Guard! The wayshrine only took a couple of minutes to operate once Raz showed me how, and once nobody else was trying to… wayshrine? To Vulkhel Guard. _

_ A couple of minutes, compared to days? This is great. _

_ Time to go drop off the books with Valaste at the Mages Guildhall. _

_ —Canalie _

* * *

_ Apparently Shalidor was a mage. A very, very powerful mage who ran a group that was a sort of spiritual predecessor to the Mages Guild. Also a Nord, which is absolutely not what I was expecting in the slightest. At this point I shouldn’t be surprised that one of the world’s most powerful mages was a Nord, and I’d never heard of him. _

_ Why did the Thalmor even bother with sending someone back in time to “fix” history, if they’re so good at hiding the parts of it they don’t like already? _

_ I really should have protested more about continuing to help Valaste with this ghost, because Sheogorath is something alright. I won’t say crazy, because that’s a given considering he’s the Daedric Prince of Madness, but he definitely is that. Apparently there’s something with some sort of sanctuary that this Shalidor mage made, that he lost to Sheogorath somehow because accepting a bet with a Daedric Prince is clearly a smart thing to do, not that I can talk because I just did the same thing. _

_ I, however, am going to win my bet. _

_ I’m sure Shalidor thought he would win his too. But it’ll be fine. I’ve got help from Valaste, who is very capable and doesn’t need a dead mage’s help to translate some books, and once she’s done, we’ll see who’s laughing. _

_ It won’t be Sheogorath. _

_ —Canalie _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Cana: haha wow this idiot made a bet with Sheogorath
> 
> Cana, also an idiot:


	25. Fredas, 12th Last Seed, 2E 582

_ So, crafting writs. I’m not entirely sure who is paying for these or where the finished products are going, but this is certainly motivation to be in the general vicinity of civilization at least once a day. I’m certified, somehow, for a lot more than I was planning to get certified in, but considering that completing writs pays fairly decently, you won’t catch me complaining. _

_ Not about writs in general, anyway. I’ve been trying to find wormwood all day with absolutely no success. Where do I even find wormwood? What do I even need it for? _

_ It’s fine, I suppose. Five writs out of six isn’t bad. I just won’t do much with alchemy for a while because apparently it’s impossible to find wormwood anywhere. I’m probably going to find some the instant I give up on that writ, because that’s just how these things work. _

_ I think the new person in charge of the Fighters Guild just arrived, though. I’ve heard the name Sees-All-Colors thrown around, so Argonian? Probably?  _

_ I’ll go say hi tomorrow. And try a bit harder to actually get some kind of assignment with the Fighters Guild. It’s kind of funny how the Mages Guild was the most initially skeptical about me joining, but was more than happy to give me something to do when I asked. The Fighters Guild was the opposite. They were more than happy to have me join, but nobody really had anything for me to do.  _

_ I understand that, it’s a period of change and all, but seriously. The guildmates I met a few days ago had an assignment, although in retrospect it’s sounding less like an assignment and more like they just saw goblins and ran in on their own, claiming it as guild business in case anyone looked sideways at a Redguard in Auridon. _

_ I can definitely respect that. Maybe I’ll see them again in Skywatch. They were really, really strong, it was a little scary. But if I can get to be that strong myself, maybe I’ll stand a chance at getting my soul back. _

_ I still haven’t heard from the Prophet. It’s been nearly a month, and while normally I would be perfectly fine with that, I would really like to get my soul back. Of all the Daedra to have it, Molag Bal is indisputably the worst that could. He’s my best shot at that. _

_ But I can’t exactly wait around and do nothing, so I guess I’ll go to bed early tonight and head for the Fighters Guildhall tomorrow morning. _

_ —Canalie _

* * *

_ Speak of the Daedra and he shall appear. Or, in this case, speak of the Prophet and he shall appear. Apparently he’s finally found a base of operations. Actually, no, I think he’s been there for a bit, because it would be too coincidental for him to have only just found that base of operations and determined where Lyris is in Coldharbour. _

_ So, Fighters Guild business is going to have to wait. I never would have gotten out of Coldharbour if it wasn’t for Lyris. I probably would have still been in my cell, writing away and wasting away and waiting away for something that would never have come. _

_ I might not have even ever realized I was dead. _

_ I owe Lyris a lot, Lyris and the Prophet both. So I know what I’m doing tonight. Guess I’m not going to bed early.  _

_ At least the Prophet’s place isn’t too far down the beach from Vulkhel Guard. _

_ —Canalie _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is probably the most she'll be doing with the main quest for a while... on a completely unrelated note, how funny would it be if, when you took too long to actually go see what the Prophet wanted, he sent Lyris after you?
> 
> Actually that would probably be Stuga all over again but it's an amusing mental image.


	26. Sundas, 14th Last Seed, 2E 582

_ There’s something about Coldharbour that drains you far more than anything on Nirn can. It saps your will to keep fighting, to keep moving—if you’re not careful, it can even sap your will to keep living. _

_ So in retrospect, it really wasn’t that surprising that I just collapsed in a quiet corner of the Harborage as soon as we got back. I had the energy left to write a quick entry, or to unroll my bedroll and pass out there instead of on the floor. _

_ It’s not hard to tell which option I took. Apparently I slept through the rest of yesterday and most of this morning. Lyris was getting worried. _

_ Thanks Lyris. Why you’d worry about me, when you’re the one who’s been stuck in Coldharbour for nearly a month, I don’t know. But thanks. _

_ There’s also the issue of what, or rather who, we saw in Coldharbour. Two more of the original Five Companions. Abnur Tharn, who was strangely helpful for being the enemy, and Sai Sahan. _

_ We saw neither of them in person, of course. Wherever Sai Sahan is being held, it’s not near where Lyris was. And of course Abnur Tharn wouldn’t risk talking to us in person when the King of Worms is watching. _

_ Mannimarco. _

_ He’d better hope I never get anywhere near him. I’ll show him powerful magic alright. I know spells that haven’t even been invented yet.  ~~ Even if not all of them work quite the way they should. ~~ I’ve got a sword with his name on it. _

_ Okay, it doesn’t literally have his name on it. But it’ll have his blood on it. _

_ —Canalie _

* * *

_ Back in Vulkhel Guard, met the new Guildmaster. Guildmaster Sees-All-Colors. She is an Argonian, and while she’s been put in charge rather abruptly after the death of the last Guildmaster, she seems to be handling it without too much trouble. _

_ Seems like the only thing I can do now is wait. A couple of guildmates, Aelif the Khajiit and Merric the Redguard (not to be confused with the two I ran into not long ago, their names were Irisi and Kemosiri) were out investigating a potential cultist site and haven’t yet returned. If they’re not back by tomorrow morning, Sees-All-Colors will send me out after them. _

_ In the meantime, I’m waiting for a dark anchor.  _

_ “What’s a dark anchor, Canalie?”  _

_ Glad you asked. Remember the whole Planemeld that’s happening? These are how that’s going to happen. Once a site is created, a dark anchor will keep appearing there to draw the surrounding area into Coldharbour, and if it succeeds… well, the Planemeld will be that much closer to happening. _

_ Apparently someone thinks that’s as much of a problem as I do. Whoever she is (Colors didn’t offer, I didn’t ask) has paid the Guild to scout out where these dolmens are, keep an eye on existing ones and prevent new ones from being created, and when dark anchors appear at existing dolmens, it’s our job to send them back to Coldharbour where they belong. _

_ I’m starting to realize why the whole goblin thing was a side job. This is the sort of thing that’s going to take the Guild’s full focus. With that in mind, it’s a miracle Guildmaster Colors isn’t even more stressed. _

_ Merric and Aelif are scouting out an area where Worm Cultists have been sighted, to make sure they don’t make another dolmen there. Apparently there’s three of them on Auridon alone, and as far as other places go, that’s relatively few. Nobody has any way to destroy dolmens yet, so the next best thing we can do is make sure the dark anchors don’t, well, anchor the dark. _

_ I’m here with a couple of other guildmates. Not exactly the chatty type, but apparently I’ll know when the dark anchor is coming. Apparently it’s pretty hard to miss, and apparently it’s been a while since the last one so it should be coming soon. _

_ Probably should stop writing just in case it comes fast. _

_ —Canalie _

* * *

_ The dark anchor was very hard to miss. _

_ —Canalie _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Cana totally thought the dark anchor noises she kept hearing from inside Vulkhel Guard were like, thunder or something


	27. Morndas, 15th Last Seed, 2E 582

_ The dark anchor came back a couple more times during the night. Fortunately, I wasn’t on the night shift. Colors herself and a few others handled that, and while everyone else dealing with the dark anchor last night was already fast asleep, the guildmaster found me first. _

_ Merric and Aelif haven’t returned. _

_ So, I’m heading out after them. _

_ —Canalie _

* * *

_ Crisis averted, everything’s fine now. Had to rescue a kidnapped guildmate before his soul could be used to power some machine called the Mortuum Vivicus, possibly located in Coldharbour, probably run by either the Worm Cult or the Veiled Heritance because that’s just how these things work now. Ran into the ghost of the last guildmaster who was annoyingly vague and cryptic as the vast majority of ghosts are. (Looking at you, Shalidor.) _

_ In short, all in a day’s work. Doesn’t look like there’s much more to do here except dolmen duty now, and the people already on it have it under control with this dolmen. Guildmaster Colors suggested one of the other ones, but they’re fairly far away and the furthest north I can wayshrine is Mathiisen.  _

_ Raz was nice enough to mark the other wayshrines in Auridon on my map, but I still can’t get there if I haven’t been there in person. I recognize some of the places they are. There’s one in Skywatch, one on the outskirts of Firsthold, one that could possibly be in the general vicinity of Phaer? I didn’t realize Phaer was around this long ago, otherwise I would have stopped there instead of going all the way to Mathiisen. _

_ Some of them don’t make anywhere near as much sense, but I’ll find them anyway. I can wayshrine to Mathiisen tomorrow morning—the Veiled Heritance cell there is, for the most part, rooted out, but I still don’t trust the town enough to sleep there—and head south to Phaer. Then I can take the wayshrine back to the Mathiisen one, and head north from there. It looks like there’s a town there, Shattered Grove? It’s not one I recognize, but it could be a good stopping point between Mathiisen and Skywatch. Or I could just bypass it entirely and go on to Skywatch from there. _

_ All that is a problem for the Canalie of tomorrow. The Canalie of tonight is going to pass out right now, thank you very much. _

_ —Canalie _


	28. Tirdas, 16th Last Seed, 2E 582

_ There was also a dolmen right outside Mathiisen. Helped out a couple of guildmates on dolmen duty there. They’ll be assigned there until Sundas before it’s back to the Skywatch Guildhall for them, and time for another group to come out. _

_ Guildmaster Colors is certainly effective at handling these things. Considering how really, really bad it would be if she wasn’t, though? I’m glad she is. _

_ The Thalmor always said that Argonians were liars and thieves, even more so than the Khajiit. It didn’t come as anywhere near as much of a surprise to find out that was wrong too. _

_ At this point, I’m beginning to wonder if the Thalmor were right about anything. _

_ I’m starting to think they weren’t. _

_ —Canalie _

* * *

_ It may have been for the best that I passed by Phaer on my way to Mathiisen. There’s a plague, which I really wish I’d known about before I’d already been exposed and then some. Half the village is in quarantine in the mines, and the other half is quarantined in their homes in the hope it won’t spread any more than it already has. _

_ And now I’m not supposed to leave, because of the plague. There’s not exactly much they could do to stop me, of course, but… something about this isn’t right. There’s definitely some kind of plague here, but why doesn’t anyone outside Phaer know about it? _

_ Some kind of aid would have been sent if people outside Phaer knew about it, so clearly no one does. I might as well do what I can to help, though. Before I come down with it myself. _

_ —Canalie _

* * *

_ How has Hendil not come down with the plague? His son was the first patient to go into the catacombs. He’s been exposed from the beginning. But he’s fine, minus looking like he’s about to fall over at any given moment. _

_ There’s got to be someone else who thinks there’s something fishy about this. Maybe he’s Veiled Heritance. Considering everything else they’ve been involved in, this wouldn’t even be a stretch. _

_ There’s just one problem: I’m starting to not feel so good myself. I hope it’s only a lack of sleep, but if it’s not… _

_ I may have made a mistake in getting involved in this at all. _

_ —Canalie _

* * *

_ I’ve got an ally. Her name’s Velatosse, one of her sons has been down in the mines for a week. Her other son seems fine, but was one of the people I agreed to deliver the salve to. _

_ If I’m right about what the salve actually does—and I really hope I’m not, but he gave it to me too—we might both have the plague ourselves now. _

_ I really hope I’m wrong. But I’m going to find out. Velatosse is going to distract the guard outside his house (again, why would someone not hiding anything need a guard there) while I break in through a window. There has to be something in there. There has to be something we can use. _

_ —Canalie _

* * *

_ Velatosse seems to think Hendil caused the plague, but I’m not so sure. It’s clear that the salve doesn’t do what he says it does, but there’s something wrong with his son that had nothing to do with the salve. His son was the first person to go into the mines. _

_ I’m not sure what’s going on, but I have to find out. One way or another. _

_ I have to get into the mines. It shouldn’t be too hard—Hendil’s mercenaries came and got Velatosse’s other son while I was in his house. If I just act sick, I’ll get exactly where I need to go, and I won’t have to deal with the mercenaries. _

_ I can only hope I won’t be too late. _

_ —Canalie _

* * *

_ Tancano—Hendil’s son—was a vampire. Hendil was using the salve to make people seem sick so he could feed them to his son. _

_ Velatosse’s older son was fine. Her younger son wasn’t. _

_ I was going to get the mercenary captain and let her deal with Hendil, but Velatosse made a very compelling argument for me to walk away and pretend I saw nothing. _

_ I hope she makes Hendil suffer. _

_ On a somewhat lighter and very surprising note, the Veiled Heritance wasn’t involved here at all. Apparently they do have a limit, and that limit is vampires. _

_ I’m tired. That’s not surprising—the salve was a sedative, of course it makes people tired. But I don’t want to spend any longer in Phaer than I have to. It’s not the same situation as Mathiisen, but it’s certainly no less fun to deal with on my end. _

_ Vulkhel Guard, then, there’s a wayshrine just outside town and I can pass out in one of the guildhalls. _

_ —Canalie _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The only reason the Veiled Heritance weren't involved at Phaer was because they didn't know about it yet, pass it on.


	29. Middas, 17th Last Seed, 2E 582

_ Writs for today are done. I’m not sure I trust where they’re coming from but it’s essentially free coin, you won’t catch me complaining unless it turns out I’m making armor for the Worm Cult or something. I don’t think the Worm Cult uses armor, so I should be fine there. _

_ Anyway, I was planning to start heading for Skywatch around now. It’s nearly four days’ ride from Vulkhel Guard if you and your horse can somehow not take any breaks whatsoever and keep up a breakneck pace for days on end. That’s not good for the horse or the rider, though, so realistically Skywatch is about a week away. Ayrenn’s next big appearance still wouldn’t be for nearly another week, but considering just how much the Veiled Heritance has been involved in so far, how much I’ve dealt with just on my own? _

_ There’s no way they aren’t planning something. I need to get there in time to do something about it. There’s a reason Raz hasn’t gone very far from Skywatch recently and that reason is, I suspect, he thinks the same thing I do.  _

_ Something’s going to happen. _

_ We have to stop it. _

_ Now that I know wayshrines exist (and more importantly how to use them) I can get to Skywatch a lot faster. Sure, I can’t be straight there, but Mathiisen is a lot closer to Skywatch than Vulkhel Guard is. Only a day or two’s ride. Shorter if I swam, but I can’t get any water walking spells to work properly and I know better than to try swimming in coastal waters without one. _

_ In the meantime, there’s no way in Oblivion that’s everything the Heritance have been doing around here. Not by a long shot. I managed to get a more up to date map of the area—in retrospect, it’s a miracle Raz didn’t look too closely at mine—and transferred where I know there’s wayshrines to it. _

_ Looks like Silsailen’s still around. Might as well pay it a visit, see what it was like. Father said it was a nice place when he was younger, before he left Alinor for a while. It could be a nice place again, I suppose, it just never really recovered. Not the only place on Auridon, either. _

_ Not by a long shot. _

_ I was supposed to prevent that, somehow. But if I did, what would that do? If the destruction was successfully prevented, then nobody would ever be sent back to prevent it, and so it wouldn’t have been prevented? _

_ What would have happened to me if I’d succeeded? _

_ I keep asking these questions, but to be honest I’m not sure I want the answer to that last one. _

_ —Canalie _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let's be honest Akatosh has probably been side-eyeing her this whole time, there's so much she could mess up by accident.


	30. Turdas, 18th Last Seed, 2E 582

_ Apparently, if I’d gone to Silsailen yesterday instead of wasting all that time on writs and training, I would have gotten to see a nice, peaceful town still abuzz about the Queen’s visit that I missed by, apparently, a couple of weeks. _

_ She must have come here right after Tanzelwil. Wish I hadn’t missed her, but clearly nothing happened. And if it did? She can definitely take care of herself. _

_ In a way, I am glad I missed her, because that means the attack on Silsailen this morning also missed her. _

_ Supposedly, it was by Dominion marines. This unit had been sent to defend the town in case the rumors turned out to be true. The rumors of, wait for it, Veiled Heritance activity in the area. _

_ It wasn’t the marines that did the attacking. The Heritance had attacked them on the road, stolen their gear, and left them all tied up in a basement while they pretended to be the actual marines until striking. _

_ Honestly, how nobody picked up that there was a disproportionate amount of Altmer specifically in that group (as in, literally no Bosmer or Khajiit) I don’t know. Although I guess the fake marines didn’t have to pretend for very long. _

_ It gets worse. The canonreeve’s daughter, Elenwen—not that Elenwen, she isn’t that old, and anyway that Elenwen was posted in Skyrim—came running to alert me that her father’s assistant was Veiled Heritance and had barricaded them both inside their manor. _

_ Teldur was not Veiled Heritance. Canonreeve Valano was. He also evidently hadn’t gotten the memo that Tanzelwil had gone according to our plans, not theirs, according to a rather damning missive I found that he hadn’t had the time to send. _

_ I made sure to inform him exactly of what transpired there before I did what I had to. Or, I suppose I didn’t have to. I could have tried to take him alive. _

_ After what he said about Ayrenn, I didn’t much feel like trying. _

_ I’m starting to get a very bad feeling about where the Thalmor got their information on her, and more importantly how they got that information instead of the truth.  ~~ If the Veiled Heritance got what they wanted ~~ _

_ I hope I’m wrong. If I’m not, I still have to try. No matter what sort of paradox it might cause. _

_ I’m probably wrong. I’ve seen enough to know that the Thalmor don’t need things to go their way to spin events like they did. _

_ —Canalie _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> fellas, is it gay to literally throw hands for your Queen?


	31. Fredas, 19th Last Seed, 2E 582

_ So I blew up a lighthouse today. It was for a good cause. No, actually, it really was. The lighthouse at South Beacon had been taken over by the Maormer, who were using it to signal to their ships where to attack us. _

_ Honestly, the lighthouse part was the good part of today. The bad part of today was finding out that the Veiled Heritance have someone high up passing on information about troop movements. Whoever it is could even be this Veiled Queen I’ve heard so much about. _

_ Whoever the Veiled Queen is, she’d have to have a legitimate claim to the throne somehow. It probably won’t be someone that close, but it can’t hurt to ask Ayrenn the next time I see her. _

_ She won’t be in Skywatch yet, and I don’t know for sure where she is now… but I might have an idea. Maybe I could just coincidentally be taking the same path? _

_ That sounds really bad now that I write it out.  _

_ I could also, of course, just say the truth. That I have a hunch on who the Veiled Queen might be and I need to know more about Ayrenn’s relatives to be sure. The only female relative I know of is… I think her name was Estre? I don’t think she liked me very much, but it wasn’t ‘secretly plotting to murder her queen and sister-in-law’ levels of dislike. Just the usual ‘ceremonial pomp’ levels of dislike for someone who barged in out of nowhere. Also she’s too close to the throne, someone would have picked up on something if it was her. Can’t be Estre. _

_ The more I write about this, the more and more ridiculous it’s sounding, but I’d like to think Ayrenn would still listen. Even if it was thoroughly ridiculous. If she trusts Raz, and she does, I’d like to think she’d at least hear me out. _

_ Time to come up with an excuse to be taking the same route as her. Assuming I’m right about the route. _

_ —Canalie _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> fellas, is it- yeah okay I'm done, we all know it's gay


	32. Loredas, 20th Last Seed, 2E 582

_ Found the right route after about three tries. If I’d gone another five minutes without finding someone I would have tried another. _

_ Good news: I did find someone! I even found someone who was from the Queen’s entourage! _

_ Bad news: the rest of the entourage (and the Queen) wasn’t there. Apparently they were kidnapped by a ‘mad mage’ which narrows it down a ton, obviously. At least I have a pretty good idea of where to start looking. _

_ Much, much better news: Ayrenn rode ahead and so wasn’t caught with the others. Which is a huge relief. I may have started to panic a bit before Eminelya informed me about that small detail. Somehow, it doesn’t surprise me in the slightest that she’d ride ahead (and knowing her, it probably drives everyone else involved crazy.) _

_ Time to go figure out what a mad mage would want here at all. Although really, the possibilities are endless. I’m willing to bet he’s involved with either the Veiled Heritance or the Worm Cult though. Maybe even both, I wouldn’t put it past either of the groups to work together. Really scary thought though. _

_ I’ll be back. If there’s one thing I know works on any mage, it’s appealing to their ego. _

_ —Canalie _

* * *

_ The mad mage was a disgraced member of Ayrenn’s court. As best as I can tell, no connection to either the Worm Cult or the Veiled Heritance for once, he was just that angry. And, although he tried to hide it, just as angry that Ayrenn herself had escaped his trap just by virtue of not being there. _

_ What would it have been like, if Ayrenn was there? He played upon every member of that party’s flaws in order to, well, play them like fools. The obvious answer is that she doesn’t have flaws, but I can easily picture her giving me a look and shaking her head to that. _

_ She has flaws, obviously, everyone has flaws. And I suppose hers would be… rushing into things too fast, before she knows all the details. I don’t know how that would have translated into Sanesselmo’s twisted experiment, and I’m not sure I’d want to. _

_ I’m just glad she wasn’t here. _

_ Anyway. His horrible ‘experiment’ is over. He won’t be bothering anyone anymore. The others actually offered for me to come with them so the Queen could thank me in person—I don’t think they recognized me as one of her Eyes, probably a good thing—but I refused. _

_ Why in Oblivion did I refuse? It would have been the perfect opening to ask Ayrenn what I needed to ask. Or maybe not, there might have been other people there, but… it still would have been a way to actually talk to her. And I refused. Like a fool. _

~~_ To tell the truth, I think I panicked a little and I’m not entirely sure why. _ ~~

_ I’m going to just roll out my bedroll and figure things out. Clearly this wasn’t going to work out anyway, I should just stick to my regular plan and be in Skywatch a few days early. If only I could have gotten to that wayshrine… _

_ I’ll be there eventually. Sooner rather than later sounds like a good start, though. Mathiisen wayshrine, Shattered Grove (they have to have an inn or something), then to Skywatch. Tomorrow. _

_ —Canalie _


	33. Sundas, 21st Last Seed, 2E 582

_ Shattered Grove had an inn. And a smithy, and plenty of houses, and all the other things a town should have except people. Living, breathing people that is. Every inhabitant of the town, when I got there, was turned to stone. _

_ Everyone except a mage. Who turned them to stone to protect them from the wildlife that had suddenly gotten hostile. Because that’s clearly a better solution than, I don’t know, warning them to stay inside and fighting off anything that tried to get them on the way home. There’s an obvious solution here and Merormo seemed to have missed it entirely. _

_ I’m starting to understand why people don’t like the Mages Guild. _

_ It gets even better. He knew perfectly well why the wildlife had grown hostile, been ‘possessed by Daedra’ as he put it. He was the one who got the Daedric energy in the area to begin with. He was the one experimenting with it.  _

_ It may have been for a good cause, in theory, but the road to Oblivion is paved with good intentions, and I wasn’t about to lie to the Canonreeve about why she and the rest of her town were turned to stone for Auri-El only knows how long. _

_ I’ve got a room in the inn now, at least. It’s too late to keep going to Skywatch tonight. Could have made it there today, if it wasn’t for that entire magically-induced mess. _

_ But I’ll get there tomorrow. And then I’ll have ten days to spare. Ten days to figure out what the Heritance are going to try in Skywatch and stop it. Assuming, of course, Raz hasn’t done it already. For all I know, he might already have things under control and then some. _

_ Then again, he’d said he had things under control right before leaping into my closet in Mathiisen, so I’m not convinced we have the same definition of that phrase. _

_ Skywatch. Tomorrow. If I have to guess, it’ll probably be a bit bigger—most places are—but maybe not by that much. Most of the city was built out of rock, and that’s a bit harder to destroy. _

_ Then again, the Oblivion Crisis made it abundantly clear that the Daedra could destroy whatever they wanted. The Crystal Tower’s been rebuilt, but it’ll never be close to its former glory. That’s one of the reasons I wanted to come on this mission. _

_ Maybe I’ll at least get to see it, like it used to be. _

_ —Canalie _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> how "let's turn everyone to stone!" was the first thought Merormo had I really, _really_ can't imagine skdjfhkdjf there are much easier options dude


	34. Morndas, 22nd Last Seed, 2E 582

_ Unfortunately, I can’t blame the third time I was thrown in jail on Raz. Not this time. What I wouldn’t give to have him here right now, even if I do kind of deserve being in here. At least I don’t think I’ll be in here for long—the only thing they really have me on is starting a brawl. _

_ In my defense, he had it coming. I’m pretty sure it’s not in the job description of the Eyes to punch people who insult your Queen, but also in my defense, he’s lucky I didn’t draw my sword and do a lot more than start a bar brawl. And that the guards were there to pull me off him. _

_ It was worth it. I’ll probably only be in here for a couple nights at most. Plenty of time to think. _

_ —Canalie _

* * *

_ Apparently people who are vocally pro-Ayrenn have been turning up dead in the Skywatch prisons. That would have been nice to know before I found myself in that very prison, but hearing it halfway through being broken out works too. Thanks Raz. _

_ It also doesn’t sound good for, well, anyone actually. There’s clearly a sizable Veiled Heritance cell here if they can do something like that, and Raz doesn’t think it’s the guards. It’s probably based out of the Barbed Hook Tavern (which is, not coincidentally, where I gave a very specific asshole a black eye.) Also wish I’d known that before I stepped in there for a drink.  _

_ Honestly, the fact that there wasn’t a single non-Altmer in there should have clued me in. Unfortunately, there’s not a ton either of us can do to investigate it now. I’m probably not welcome back in there, and if we’re right Raz wouldn’t be welcome in there to begin with. _

_ He has an idea, but he says it’ll take a few days. So in the meantime I need to just sit tight, keep my head down, and not get into any more brawls with undercover Heritance agents because he’s not bailing me out next time. _

_ That’s fair. I don’t think I’ll ever hear the end of that one. I just have to hope he doesn’t tell Ayrenn because that could be… embarrassing. To put it lightly. _

_ I’m not going to hope very hard, I’ll just try not to even be in a situation where that could come up again. It’ll be fine. I won’t need to be broken out of jail for a fourth time this month. _

_ Anyway! Speaking of Ayrenn—Raz agrees I’d need to ask her in person about her relatives, which could be difficult. Between her own Royal Guard and Estre’s guard, as well as all the extra security precautions being taken due to the Veiled Heritance, it’s nearly impossible for even Raz to get in to see her. And Ayrenn’s guard knows Raz. They don’t know me. _

_ So, nothing short of a literal emergency—say, if we discovered the identity of the Veiled Queen and it was someone who could attack Ayrenn at any moment—would get us in. And unfortunately, Raz doesn’t know anywhere near as much about Ayrenn’s relatives as he admits he probably should. There’s her cousin Alwinarwe, apparently running the actual government from Summerset Isle, her sister-in-law Estre, and a whole bunch of other cousins and second cousins who could easily be the Veiled Queen. _

_ Next in line, if something happened to Ayrenn (and nothing is going to happen to Ayrenn) would be her brother, Prince Naemon. He’s obviously not the Veiled Queen. Raz doesn’t particularly like him or his wife (Estre) but he doubts it’s Estre either. If, somehow, it was, she wouldn’t try anything in her own city, it would reflect poorly on her.  _

_ Alwinarwe is, from what I’ve heard, reasonably trustworthy? So it’s got to be some other cousin. Someone who would benefit from both Ayrenn and Naemon being out of the picture. Ayrenn would probably have a better idea of it than either of us would. _

_ But neither of us can get in to see her, certainly not privately, so it’s time to do something else entirely. I just wish Raz would tell me what, and not just tell me to ‘enjoy Skywatch’ and ‘this one will find you when he needs you.’ _

_ I think I saw a smithy somewhere earlier. Nothing comes close to dealing with stress as well as working a forge does. Not for me. _

_ —Canalie _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> she is _going_ to be kicking herself later. but also, yes, she did punch someone who dissed the Queen ingame. and would do it again anytime. Six was one of a few people who were online when I did it and were treated to my running commentary in guild chat. (we'll pretend guards in ESO actually throw your ass in jail.)


	35. Tirdas, 23rd Last Seed, 2E 582

_ If anyone asks, I don’t have any idea where my colleague in the Mages Guild got those extra parts. Not that anyone’s asking. I don’t think her superior actually cares that much one way or the other so long as he doesn’t have to get them himself. _

_ Also, I am so, so sick of frogs. Frog racing seemed like a good idea at first. Sure isn’t now. I almost want to try and rig the race, but that’s a big almost. Not even sure how I’d rig a race of frogs. _

_ I just need to keep watching them, figure out which one wins the most, and bet on that one. _

_ —Canalie _

* * *

_ I love frogs! Specifically, this one frog. Don’t know its name but it’s a gorgeous green one and it comes in first more than half of the time. Sure, I’m winning some and losing some, but I’m winning more than I’m losing. _

_ I should probably stop gambling on frogs and actually find somewhere to sleep though. _

_ —Canalie _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sidequest time! so far I think Cana has committed more crimes than any of my other characters. gotten caught for more of said crimes too. don't think Cana's going to be my sketchy thief-type character tho, she's law-abiding _most_ of the time.


	36. Middas, 24th Last Seed, 2E 582

_ The Prophet decided to try and contact me before the sun was even up this morning. I asked him if it was time-sensitive. He said no, but— _

_ I didn’t listen anymore after the ‘but.’ I told him I’d be there as soon as I could, but right now I really, really needed to be in Skywatch. Then I rolled over, pulled a pillow over my head, and went back to sleep. _

_ I meant what I said. I’ll happily help when I can, but right now I legitimately can’t. Not unless I can find Raz first and check to make sure he won’t need me for a couple days at least. And the issue with that is finding Raz. It’s very hard to find Raz if he doesn’t want you to find him. _

_ I’ll give it a go anyway. _

_ —Canalie _

* * *

_ Can’t find Raz, guess I’m staying in Skywatch for the near future. Nothing really to do except fulfilling writs and catching up on my sleep. Both of those are important too, of course, but not quite that important. Nowhere near as important as Ayrenn. _

_ —Canalie _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *deep sigh* why did I make another one of these pining idiots I barely survived the first one


	37. Turdas, 25th Last Seed, 2E 582

_ Well, now I know why I couldn’t find Raz. He was in disguise. Specifically, he had some kind of earring that made him look like an Altmer man with a beard. _

_ Ironically, I’d seen him around after all, I just didn’t know it was him. I might not have figured it out at all if it hadn’t occurred to me how strange it was that another high elf was talking like a Khajiit, and even then he all but had to say it. _

_ He didn’t say where he got this earring, just passed it to me and gave me a job. After ensuring I could, in fact, avoid punching people for saying bad things about Ayrenn for more than five minutes. _

_ One time, Raz. One time. _

_ He did have a point though. I really do need to not punch anyone because now I’ve got the earring, and apparently I’m going to join the Veiled Heritance. The original plan was to have me (one of the only Altmer Eyes, and the only one on Auridon at the moment as far as I know) sneak in by myself. But Raz is pretty sure I punched their recruiter. _

_ So… disguise. _

_ I can do this. I’ll just pretend everything bad they’re saying about Ayrenn, they’re saying it about the Veiled Queen instead. And everything good they’re saying about the Veiled Queen, I’ll pretend they’re really saying it about Ayrenn. _

_ This is a flawless plan. _

_ Okay, no, there’s a ton that could go wrong. But I promised Raz that if I didn’t think I could do this, I’d find him and give back the earring, and he’d do it instead. Which would be fine except he was really, really bad at pretending to not be a Khajiit. _

_ So I’ve got to do this. And I will do this. For Ayrenn. _

_ —Canalie _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "this is a flawless plan," says the one who knows full well this isn't remotely close to being flawless


	38. Fredas, 26th Last Seed, 2E 582

_ It’s the moment of truth. I’m as ready as I’ll ever be, I suppose. _

_ For Ayrenn. _

_ —Canalie _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry. next couple entries, I can promise, are really _really_ long though. like "I should probably get writing more entries" long. eh I've got a few hours before work, now's as good a time as any.


	39. Loredas, 27th Last Seed, 2E 582

_ I don’t know how I made it through all that. I’ll go ahead and start from the beginning, because there’s… a lot. Didn’t have time to write anything until now, it’s probably for the best that I didn’t because anyone in the Veiled Heritance seeing me writing in a book they couldn’t read would probably bring up some questions I couldn’t answer. _

_ It certainly helped that I came up with a fake name before I stepped back into the Barbed Hook. I had a couple of options, but I went with Cyrelas. That’s my father’s name. He’s perhaps the one person involved with the Thalmor that might not kill me on sight if he knew what I’d been doing in the past. Still a big might, but… if anyone would understand, maybe it would be him? _

_ It wasn’t hard to act like he would too. Interested in girls, romantically that is, quiet but a powerful mage, carrying lots of magicka potions—okay, not that last part, the extent of my ‘disguise’ was Raz’s earring and a borrowed set of mage robes from a Skywatch guildmate. Father certainly wasn’t balding and didn’t have a beard, but I managed even so. _

_ I went up to the mer I’d punched earlier (it was very satisfying to see him still nursing a black eye) and said the code words Raz had given me. And then, just like that, I was in. _

_ Apparently they were looking for some new officers. The mer I punched mentioned something about an extremely irritating new agent of the ‘false Queen’ who had ruined quite a few of their operations in the south of Auridon. Took a lot of self control not to smile at that. Good thing I didn’t, too, because he muttered something about how they’d deal with her when they dealt with Ayrenn. _

_ Good fucking luck doing that now, Palomir. _

_...anyway. We traveled to Errinorne Island, east of Skywatch and presumably abandoned. It wasn’t abandoned, it was a hotbed of Veiled Heritance activity, and apparently I was just the sort of material they were looking for, I just had to pass some trials first. Intelligence, endurance, strength. _

_ Good thing I’d been practicing my magic before I tried any of that. None of the other applicants (because apparently, all the officer candidates have to fight each other to the death to figure out who becomes the actual officer) stood up for long against a lightning bolt or two to the face. And then, apparently, the Veiled Queen herself was going to speak. _

_ Until then, I’d almost let myself get a little too into the role I needed to play. Father isn’t a flirt, never has been, but I couldn’t quite stop myself from flirting a little with some of the other new recruits.  _

_ (Female, of course, I sincerely doubt the Veiled Heritance would take kindly to their new male officer flirting with guys. Or anyone at all would really. Not that I particularly wanted to flirt with the guys, so it worked out.) _

_ But I wasn’t here for any of that. I was here for Ayrenn, and I was going to find out what they had planned for her if it was the last thing I did. _

_ It very nearly was the last thing I did. Raz had warned me that every six hours, I’d need to slip out and reattune the earring’s enchantment, otherwise it would abruptly stop working. I’d had the perfect opportunity earlier. I could have excused myself to go to the bathroom, and done it in an instant. Instead I got far too invested in the character I’d created, and kept chatting with an admittedly fascinating fellow officer, who I was on the verge of asking to dinner or… something, when she started talking about how horrible Ayrenn was. _

_ And then it was time, and then we were inside with the Veiled Council, and then the Veiled Queen appeared and spoke. _

_ It was Estre. Ayrenn’s sister-in-law, someone I’d genuinely thought was too obvious for her to actually be the Veiled Queen—and according to Raz, she didn’t even know magic. _

_ Clearly she did, and it… was unmistakably her. She was hooded, of course, because even in private she needed to protect her identity. But… I could tell. I’d heard her voice before, and the hood didn’t do as much as she likely thought it did, not that it would have needed to if I wasn’t there. _

_ She greeted us new recruits, first of all. By name, even. (I don’t think the real Cyrelas would have liked her very much either.) She asked each of us why we had joined the Veil, out of feigned curiosity but in reality, she was sizing us up. Making sure we were as loyal as we claimed, even after pledging our immortal souls to her. _

_ (One good thing about my soul being somewhere in Coldharbour and very much missing, I suppose. I can’t pledge something I don’t have anymore.) _

_ I told her why I joined the Thalmor, just with substituting the Veiled Heritance instead. That I felt like I had to do something to protect my country, my home from outsiders who were happy to take advantage of us, then leave us in the dust in our hour of need. That I couldn’t trust those in power to do what was right for me, for the common people. _

_ I didn’t tell her that why I joined was at least in part because there were really no other options, certainly none that I knew of then. Both of my parents were involved, if at a much less fanatical level on my father’s part. Really, I was trying to follow in my mother’s footsteps, because she was so capable, so cool, and maybe, just maybe, I’d be able to make her proud for once in my life if I did.  ~~ I’m not sure I ever could have made her proud. Certainly can’t now. ~~ _

_ Spouting exactly what the Thalmor would have wanted to hear worked well. Really, really well, to the point where she moved on from me and eventually started detailing the concerningly in-depth plan to… kill Ayrenn. _

_ The horrifying thing is, it would have worked, too. Ayrenn would have been determined to keep Estre safe, and just at the moment she least expected it… _

_ With Ayrenn out of the way, the path would be clear for Estre to take control. Theoretically. In reality, there was still the issue of her husband, Ayrenn’s brother, Naemon. Who Estre probably also wants dead, because who doesn’t she want dead? _

_ I didn’t hear what they were planning to do with him, mainly because it was right then that the enchantment wore off, and everyone stared at me for about two seconds before swords came out and I, for obvious reasons, ran like hell. _

_ I’m stubborn, not stupid. There’s a difference, and running headlong into a crowd of heavily armed enemies is one thing when I’ve got my own weapons and armor. It’s another thing entirely when the only thing I have going for me are some mage robes Neetra didn’t want me to return covered in blood, and whatever magic I can still use. Which is very limited. _

_ Okay, it may have been stupid to try and swim back to Skywatch, but it worked well enough that they likely assumed I’d been eaten by slaughterfish long before I made it to dry land. Which… I nearly was but it’s fine, really, I’ll make Neetra a new spare set of robes if I can’t patch up these. _

_ I had bigger problems, like warning Ayrenn before it was too late. It would have been stupid to run in on my own with nothing but borrowed robes now in serious need of repair and a smattering of spells. _

_ Fortunately, I found Raz on the way in. _

_ Unfortunately, I found out from Raz that Ayrenn was alone with Estre, practicing for the ceremony on the first ~~,~~ ~~ although I think any coherent thoughts I had screeched to a halt after the words ‘alone with Estre.’ ~~ _

_ I won’t write that everything’s fine because it’s not. Estre escaped, and while there’s a detachment of marines on their way to Errinorne Isle right now, nobody’s too optimistic that she didn’t warn everyone there. You never know. Maybe they still thought I’d been eaten by slaughterfish. _

_ I probably looked like I’d been eaten by slaughterfish. Sorry Neetra. _

_ Not everything’s fine, but enough is, because Ayrenn is fine. Physically, anyway. Otherwise, that can’t have been easy, thinking you could trust someone and then finding out she’s been behind about six separate assassination attempts and were planning a seventh (and more, if the seventh failed.) _

_ I’m back in my inn room now. Got my armor back, I’ll do my best to repair Neetra’s spare robes tomorrow morning, and then I suppose I’ll wayshrine back to Vulkhel Guard and see what the Prophet wants. I feel kind of bad for putting it off for so long? On the other hand, he said it wasn’t time-sensitive, and if I hadn’t been here… _

_ Estre could have struck at any time. Obviously she was waiting for an opportunity to make it look like she wasn’t at fault, to make sure Ayrenn couldn’t fight back, but… _

_ Aedra, that makes me feel even worse. I can hardly imagine how bad it must be for Ayrenn. I wish there was something I could do to help. Working a forge is how I deal with mine (and make a tidy bit of coin on the side, so I have a justification beyond stress relief) but I don’t think that’s an option for Ayrenn. Unless…  _

_ I have a really, really bad idea. _

_ —Canalie _

* * *

_ Officially, that never happened. _

_ Unofficially, details tomorrow, I’m grinning like an idiot and I shouldn’t be grinning like an idiot and I don’t know why I’m grinning like an idiot, but also I’m one long blink away from passing out at any given moment. _

_ So: tomorrow. _

_ —Cana _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> if you want to make this chapter even better, picture Cana coming in to expose Estre, throwing open the doors a la [this gif](https://31.media.tumblr.com/1cd5b78f0f350946274b13ca629fedd2/tumblr_mpot46ydCm1qaa5c1o2_500.gif), sopping wet, dead on her feet, with a slaughterfish still gnawing away on her bag.
> 
> also it's 11:38 PM it's not past midnight yet shh
> 
> (y'all might like the next chapter :P)


	40. Sundas, 28th Last Seed, 2E 582

_ I definitely got up earlier than I should have, but I needed the time to write this down before I went back to Vulkhel Guard, I need to get back to the Harborage early enough to be back in Skywatch before Turdas, and I need to write down what happened last night just so I can tell someone. Even if that someone is an inanimate object I have no intention of ever letting others read, it’s better than nothing. _

_ So, last night, I had the bright idea to go visit Ayrenn. To be fair, it technically wasn’t night yet, but it was getting fairly late in the day. Most places in Skywatch close their doors an hour or so after dark, and it was almost sunset.  _

_ In light of… well, everything that had happened, Estre’s personal guard was being watched a lot more closely, and Eyes of the Queen—Raz and I included—were able to come and go a lot more freely. Ayrenn was holding off on making a public announcement about Estre until her scheduled public appearance and I doubt she’s changed her mind on that since. _

_ The important thing is, I was able to get in to see her. She looked tired. Really, really tired, far more so than just a few hours earlier. I think she was glad to see me, though. A lot more glad to see me when I explained my really, really bad idea. _

_ She told me to stop calling it a really, really bad idea and to meet her outside the Fighters Guild at sundown. In retrospect, it makes perfect sense that she’d be good at sneaking in and out of places—she managed to disappear nearly off the face of Nirn for years, all the tales of her exploits are things that came up after the fact by people who are only now realizing who she was. Or I suppose some of them might be made up, but if the story about the bear was true, I can believe anything. _

_ Especially after last night. _

_ In retrospect, who else would have been lurking around the Fighters Guild this late at night? Besides… an actual guildmate, I suppose, and I don’t even know most of mine by face never mind by name. So in retrospect, maybe it wasn’t quite as embarrassing that I didn’t recognize her at first. _

_ It was really, really weird to see her without her crown, or her usual set of armor. It was even weirder to realize that, if Ayrenn hadn’t clued me in to the fact that it was her, I might not have recognized her at all. White hair isn’t exactly common, but it isn’t exactly uncommon either. Couple that with some much less distinctive armor and a green hooded cloak, and I know exactly how she managed to disappear for as long as she wanted to. _

_ I don’t know how, but Ayrenn looked even more beautiful than usual. I wouldn’t have thought that was possible, but something about the easy way she carried herself, away from prying eyes, made it happen. _

_ It took a lot of willpower on my part not to tell her that. Then I realized I didn’t really have a good reason for not, so I told her anyway. _

_ She laughed. Smiled. Thanked me, then raised an eyebrow and asked me to lead on.  _

_ So I did. Most blacksmiths, I’ve found, don’t mind you borrowing their forge as long as they’re not using it themselves, you provide your own materials, and you clean up after yourself. This particular smith was a little surprised to see me twice in a day, especially with a friend, but after a few moments he said he’d be off getting a drink and to clean up when we were done. _

_ Needless to say, he didn’t recognize Ayrenn. Definitely for the best there, although I can’t say I wasn’t a little nervous on that front. _

~~_ He also, incorrectly I might add, assumed that we were, well, _ ~~

_ As it turned out, Ayrenn knew very little about how to work a forge. Very little beyond ‘don’t touch anything hot,’ anyway. You’d assume that would be common sense but you wouldn’t believe how many would-be adventurers that fancy themselves smiths wind up burning themselves that way. _

_ Fortunately, while common sense isn’t anywhere near as common as it should be considering the name, it’s something both Ayrenn and I have. Which is good. I don’t think either of us would have been able to explain easily if she burned herself. _

_ It went… fine, I think? She didn’t manage to make anything useful, yet, but she’s picking up the basics really well. Far better than I did, to start off—if Ganriil was still alive I’d apologize for being such a horrible student. _

_ Actually, I’d apologize for a lot of things, not least of which being the circumstances surrounding his death. _

_ Back to Ayrenn. I’ll take strange and awkward feelings over painful things I can’t do anything about. She… once we were done, she helped clean up, I said she didn’t have to but she insisted. Then we waited for the smith himself to get back so he could lock up for the night. _

_ It can’t have been more than a few minutes, maybe half an hour at most, and yet it could have been so much longer. Ayrenn started asking me questions. About my family, where I’d grown up, things like that. _

_ I had to be careful, obviously, but as long as I avoided specifics I figured I would be fine. So I told her about my father, the scholar. My sister, who I hadn’t seen in years but I hoped she was doing alright, wherever she was. The boy who would have been my brother-in-law, who I still considered a brother until the end came.  _

_ And… my mother, who really speaks for herself. I didn’t explain very much about her before Ayrenn figured it out and called her some things I would never say to Mother’s face  ~~ even if a part of me really does want to. ~~ _

_ I tried to explain some things, as much as I could. I don’t think I’m ready to bring up the time travel thing yet. I don’t know if I ever will be ready to bring it up. Ayrenn could probably guess it on her own, if I hinted at it enough, and that might be best except that, I’ll admit it, I’m scared. _

_ I did explain the Thalmor. Sort of. I called them a group like the Veiled Heritance, pretty small actually, Ayrenn probably never would have heard of them and they haven’t been relevant for years. _

_ Technically, I wasn’t lying. The Thalmor (the kind I’m used to, not the bureaucrats) were a lot like the Veiled Heritance, particularly in the ways that mattered. They definitely started small, and they won’t be relevant for years. A good couple eras, actually. _

_ But I told her I was sorry anyway. If not for lying to her face on a couple of things, then for willingly being a part of that for so long. _

_ She told me not to be. Sorry, that is. And she hugged me. I’m still trying to wrap my head around that fact now. It was… nice? I think? _

_ If I tell anyone where (and more importantly when) I’m really from, it’s going to be her. _

_ But not yet. _

_ —Cana _

* * *

_ The Prophet’s hiding something. Lyris too, maybe. Or maybe it’s just the Prophet that’s hiding something and Lyris doesn’t know any better? No, she’s smarter than she pretends, if the Prophet is hiding something she’s in on it. _

_ Point is, I’m starting to be suspicious about one person in particular: Varen Aquilarios. The man who Mannimarco tricked into starting the Planemeld. The man who may have started the Three Banners War in his death. _

_ Except, neither the Prophet nor Lyris have actually mentioned him dying. The Prophet said he was ‘lost,’ whatever that means, and refused to clarify. Lyris said he was consumed by the Soulburst, which I suppose could mean death, but why is Lyris using a euphemism? She usually just says things as they are, and this should be no exception. _

_ I’m starting to develop a theory, but I won’t write it down unless I have better evidence than a hunch. The last time I had a theory and wrote it down, I thought Estre couldn’t possibly be the Veiled Queen because she was too obvious, and now she’s wanted dead or alive. (I for one would prefer dead.)  _

_ Besides, if I bring up what they’re hiding, they’ll start asking more questions about what I’m hiding. I wasn’t exactly subtle about asking Lyris what year it was, and I suspect the Prophet already knew even before that. Perks of having a literal prophet on your side I suppose. _

_ Still. I’ll keep quiet as long as they keep quiet. It’s a good arrangement. Even if they’re now sending me into Vulkhel Guard to look for a Worm Cult base. _

_ Yeah, like I’m anywhere near stealthy enough for the job. I’m stealthier than Lyris, I suppose, but not by much. There is literally nothing about me that says stealthy. _

_ Then again, if I can find the place, I won’t need to be stealthy, I’ll just have to keep word of me asking questions from getting back to them so they can flee. _

_ —Cana _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Cana will probably never admit this but it was totally a date. honestly, it took me _so long_ to write this entry (the first part of it, anyway) but can you blame me?
> 
> also if you're wondering, Cana's current theory is that Varen _is_ Mannimarco.


	41. Morndas, 29th Last Seed, 2E 582

_ I don’t like Abnur Tharn. That’s a step up from my undying hatred for most of the Worm Cult, at least, because at least he has a sense of humor and hasn’t directly tried to have me killed yet. That’s probably because he thought I was one of his agents disguised as an adventurer, however, with a bad disguise at that. _

_ Bad disguise my arse. I probably was tempting fate a bit too much by telling him I thought I looked great, but he still thought I was his agent so it worked out. Helped that I had a helmet on. _

_ Anyway, the Worm Cult’s base in Vulkhel Guard is taken care of. It was sorely tempting to just set the whole place ablaze but it was underneath a perfectly normal and fairly important lighthouse. Also, one not taken over by Maormeri raiders like the last one I blew up. _

_ So I didn’t burn the lighthouse itself, I just burned everything that looked remotely undead or related to the undead, and then I tipped off the actual guards. _

_ The orb that Tharn’s actual agent was using to contact him is now safely in the Prophet’s hands. It’s his problem now. Neither he nor Lyris need me for the near future, so it’s back to Skywatch for me. _

_ The Prophet did not appreciate my explanation of why I’d taken so long to return to the Harborage. There may have been a small argument. I may have said some things about how if Ayrenn was the emperor of Tamriel, she would have done a better job than Varen and certainly wouldn’t have caused the Soulburst, so now both the Prophet and Lyris are mad at me. _

_ They’re mad at me for different reasons, strangely enough. Lyris kept vehemently defending Varen, while the Prophet agreed that Varen was not a good emperor in the end but said that even the strongest can be swayed by lies and manipulation a la Mannimarco. _

_ I doubt that. Ayrenn would never have fallen for Mannimarco’s lies. _

_ That’s why I’m currently in the inn in Vulkhel Guard and no longer in the Harborage. The Prophet said he’d contact me when he needed me the next time, and while he agreed that ensuring the safety of one’s monarch was a noble pursuit (that bit was said with a pointed look at Lyris) he doubted that either of us would be particularly happy if he had to send Lyris to find me because I kept ignoring his summons. _

_ Lyris would, I’ll admit, be a bit harder to ignore than a magical projection.  _

_ So I’ll come, as soon as I can, next time. As long as whatever they’re calling me for is in fact as important and time-sensitive as they say it is. _

_ Hopefully it’ll be later rather than sooner. I’m pretty sure the only thing stopping Lyris from starting a brawl with me on the spot was the fact she didn’t want to do it in front of the Prophet. Maybe some time will help with that. _

_ Right now I need to be back in Skywatch. _

_ —Cana _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Lyris is going to show up at _some point_ and whenever it is it's going to be inconvenient lmao


	42. Tirdas, 30th Last Seed, 2E 582

_ For the most part, Ayrenn has kept the news of Estre’s betrayal under wraps. She plans to make an announcement about that on the day she was going to make a public appearance with Estre anyway, and more importantly on the day Estre was planning to kill her. _

_ Estre’s fled and then some, but nobody would put it past her to try something on the first anyway. If she doesn’t try something, someone will. Needless to say we’re all on edge. _

_ By ‘we’ I mean myself, Raz, and a few other Eyes in the area I haven’t really been introduced to yet. I’m starting to realize that as far as the Eyes of the Queen go, I’m probably about as un-stealthy as any of us get. _

_ Apparently I do get shit done though. I’ve got that going for me, at least. _

_ Enough about me. Even in the best-case scenario, which this probably won’t be, there are a few places Ayrenn is… concerned about. Let’s put it that way. Canonreeve Sinyon of Dawnbreak is friends with Estre, and while that doesn’t mean much in the grand scheme of politics, it could translate to him choosing Estre over Ayrenn.  _

_ So I’m going to Dawnbreak, to scout things out. Hopefully, I’ll be back in Skywatch by tomorrow, the next day at the absolute latest. If not… _

_ Ayrenn will be fine, obviously. But that doesn’t stop me from being terrified she won’t be. _

_ —Cana _


	43. Middas, 31st Last Seed, 2E 582

_ Fuck daedra, and especially fuck High Kinlady Estre. But fuck daedra most of all. I’ve got some backup now, at least, but if I have to fight one more pissed off atronach or dremora I’m going to lose it. There’s no way she’s not behind this, which means she’s turning on her allies too. _

_ Either that, or Canonreeve Sinyon was a lot more loyal than Ayrenn feared. But I tend not to be particularly optimistic when I have to clean daedric guts off my sword every five minutes. The sooner we can find the source of the daedric invasion, likely some kind of portal, the better. _

_ Unfortunately nobody’s been able to get far enough to find it. And the portal’s bound to be guarded. _

_ —Cana _

* * *

_ Raz is here. He won’t be here for long, of course, but there’s no one I’d trust more to make a diversion on this scale. It’ll have to be a good one, there’s far more daedra than there is anyone to fight them and more could come through at any time. _

_ The plan isn’t too complicated, at least. I meet Raz by the unguarded exit of the cave where the portal is. He pulls me up so I can actually get to said exit (there’s a reason it’s unguarded), we deal with whatever’s guarding the portal (probably a dremora), and once the portal is shut, he causes a bigger diversion to distract the daedra and I rejoin what’s left of the marines. _

_ It should, in theory, work well. But I know better than to think everything will go according to plan. No plan ever survives contact with the enemy, and this one will be no different. _

_ But as long as it succeeds, ideally without either of us biting the dust? I’ll take it not going to plan. I’d better finish writing, I don’t have long. Raz said just before dawn and the sun looks like it’s starting to rise. _

_ I suppose this should probably be under a different date, but I’m not quite willing to acknowledge how little sleep I got last night yet. _

_ —Cana _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Dawnbreak is going well, as I'm sure you can see.


	44. Turdas, 1st Hearth Fire, 2E 582

_ I’m back in Skywatch. There’s a few hours left until Ayrenn’s speech, and I fully intend to make the most of them by taking a nap, but I need to write something first. _

_ Everything went, mostly, according to plan. That was, of course, until Raz found something on the body of the dremora guarding the portal. (Also, it looked… a lot like an Oblivion Gate, but fortunately we didn’t have to deal with any sigil stones, that would have taken forever.) _

_ Originally, I was going to head on to Firsthold while Raz went back to Skywatch. That changed when we found out that the daedric invasion of Dawnbreak had been a distraction. The daedric invasion that had nearly overwhelmed the unit of well-trained marines stationed here, with so many daedra you could barely walk two feet without being attacked by another one was a distraction. _

_ What for? _

_ Firsthold. _

_ Raz is on his way there now due to being actually good at stealth, while I took the note from Estre back to Ayrenn. It… wasn’t particularly nice, to anyone. Not Sinyon, who apparently ‘betrayed’ Estre, and certainly not Ayrenn. _

_ I need to sleep. I need to be vigilant in case something, anything happens. Raz was going to do it himself, but he ordered me to make sure I was here instead. I answer to Ayrenn first, and Raz second, and no one else, and Raz doesn’t order things lightly. _

_ Ayrenn definitely knows what I’m up to but she hasn’t ordered me to stop. She looked suspiciously close to ordering me to take a nap before I said I was on my way to, though. _

_ Sleep. Can’t wait. _

_ —Cana _

* * *

_ Nothing happened. Well, Ayrenn gave her speech, and there was understandably a bit of an uproar over Estre being declared a traitor—but nobody tried to attack her during her speech. Or before. Or after. _

_ I’ve been ordered (well, asked, but when your queen asks you nicely to do something you don’t say no) to go to Firsthold myself and join Raz. However, I was asked significantly more forcefully to actually get more sleep than two hours worth of naptime in a broom closet first. _

_ Protesting that my sleeping habits are normally fine did absolutely nothing to help my case. _

_ Oh well. I’ll be a more effective agent with more sleep, at least. Less likely to fail, less likely to get myself killed. Again. That makes my head hurt when I’m not running on approximately five hours of sleep over the past two days, so I’m going to stop writing now and start napping. The sooner I sleep, the sooner I get to Firsthold, and the sooner I can do my part to bring Estre down. _

_ I might have not suspected her anywhere near as much as I should have, in retrospect—but I never did particularly like her. From what I can tell, not a lot of people did. _

_ —Cana _

* * *

_ How the hell did I sleep through an entire assassination attempt? _

_ It’s fine, everything’s fine, I wish I hadn’t missed it if only because I haven’t gotten to see Ayrenn fight since Tanzelwil. And also because she shouldn’t have to protect herself? But I’m glad she can, obviously. _

_ Estre isn’t here in person, at least. Which isn’t actually a good thing because that means she’s likely in Firsthold in person. _

_ I’ve got to go. _

_ —Cana _

* * *

_ Note to future Cana: if I manage to get through everything in Firsthold in one piece, go back to Torinaan and bring reinforcements. They’re going to need them. I’ve never been particularly religious myself, but even so… _

_ This is Estre’s doing, it has to be. Clearly nothing is sacred to her. _

_ —Cana _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I relate to Cana's sleep deprivation on a spiritual level


	45. Fredas, 2nd Hearth Fire, 2E 582

_ Firsthold is under siege. More importantly, Firsthold is under siege by a daedric army that makes the one at Dawnbreak look like child’s play. The daedric army is also under siege by the combined forces of the Auridon Marines, the Mages and Fighters Guilds, and more than a few Eyes of the Queen. _

_ It sounds really impressive when I write it down like that. Realistically, it’s mostly the marines, the guilds are doing what they can to protect their own guildhalls and my fellow Eyes (not something I thought I’d write) are picking off stragglers when the opportunity arises. _

_ Raz is supposed to be around here somewhere, nearly everyone I’ve talked to has seen him at some point. More importantly, the Mages Guild apparently have a plan, and they need someone who is either brave enough or suicidal enough to run through a horde of daedra to do it. _

_ I’m not suicidal or particularly brave, but someone has to do it, and I’ve got the best chance of survival. There’s a particular spell I’ve been working on, one that allows me to absorb anything coming at me—projectiles magical or mundane, swords, anything—and in theory reflect some of it back.  _

_ So far, I’ve only gotten it to work consistently for short periods of time, but I have the magicka to keep recasting it as many times as I need to. Hopefully. If not, well, I’m a reasonably fast runner even with my armor? _

_ —Cana _

* * *

_ So Estre tried to start the Oblivion Crisis an era early, not to mention centered on Firsthold and in the Summerset Isles. In other words, I was sent back to prevent the Oblivion Crisis, not create a second one. _

_ Fortunately, it was nowhere near the scale of the actual Oblivion Crisis, even if there were several honest-to-Aedra Oblivion Gates. And then the barrier I had to help bring down to even get in to where the Oblivion Gates were. And then Estre opened a fourth one and fled inside it. _

_ I’d like to say, with four of us (Raz, Battlereeve Urcelmo, a particularly optimistic mage named Sinien, and me), Estre didn’t stand a chance. But I’d be lying if I said that, it was… close. Far too close. _

_ But she’s dead. All her Oblivion Gates are closed and that invasion is over. Firsthold will rebuild, although I can’t believe the history books back home didn’t even mention this. _

_ Actually, no, I suppose I can. It would be too hard to mention this without the cause, and it would be extremely hard to paint Estre in a sympathetic light if the books mentioned she’d summoned daedra to attack Firsthold. And Dawnbreak. Considering how much history has done Ayrenn dirty, they wouldn’t want to portray anyone who didn’t side with her in anything but a sympathetic light. _

_ Just because I know why the history books didn’t mention this, of course, doesn’t mean I agree with it. But there isn’t anything I can do, is there? There wouldn’t be anything I could do even if I could get back to my own time, which I can’t. _

_ The important thing is that Estre is dead, and Ayrenn is on her way here. _

_ Honestly, I suspect that if she’d been here in person, nothing would have stopped her from joining the fight herself. I certainly wouldn’t have minded seeing her fight again, but there’s probably about fifty pages worth of protocol and tradition explaining why not. _

_ Not that Ayrenn has ever been much for tradition, from what I’ve heard. Apparently she rode a bear at some point, which is mildly terrifying but part of me wonders what it was like. _

_ She’s here! Got to go. _

_ —Cana _

* * *

_ Smithing again tonight. Might be joined by my pretty friend in the green cloak again. _

_ Actually, no, I’ll almost certainly be joined by Ayrenn tonight if either of us can find a working forge in all this mess. And a blacksmith that won’t look too hard. _

_ No particular reason why, minus the fact that Naemon showed up. Ayrenn’s brother, if you remember. Next in line to the throne before Ayrenn returned out of the blue, and more importantly Estre’s husband.  _

_ Ex-husband now, I suppose. He should be a lot more careful, considering that it wouldn’t be at all a stretch for him to have known exactly what his wife was up to. Even if he didn’t outright support it, he could have easily looked the other way. _

_ But Ayrenn trusts him, so I will too. It’s not like I don’t know what Altmeri culture is like. Any emotion is a sign of weakness, and that pressure is likely magnified a hundredfold in the aristocracy, let alone the monarchy. _

_ With that in mind, it’s no wonder Ayrenn left. _

~~_ It’s no wonder Lora left, too. _ ~~

_ —Cana _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **:)**


	46. Loredas, 3rd Hearth Fire, 2E 582

_Forgot to write this last night, but Ayrenn managed to make a halfway decent pair of sabatons! Admittedly, we melted them right back down into ingots, but still! I’m really proud of her, she’s progressing far faster than I did when I first started._

_It feels a little bit illegal to be proud of your queen for something. Then again, I suppose she’s not supposed to be out smithing in the first place, or doing half the things she does. But she doesn’t let tradition dictate her life._

_Maybe I shouldn’t either._

_—Cana_

* * *

_Battlereeve Urcelmo is taking the marines still in fighting condition from Firsthold to Torinaan. I’m not with them. Believe me, I would love to be with them._

_Unfortunately I’ve been ordered to get some actual rest first. Logically, I can see where Ayrenn’s coming from, but counterpoint: I got a good night’s sleep last night, I would be fine._

_But I’m not about to disobey my queen, so time to try to get to sleep early tonight. I’m really not that tired, though..._

_—Cana_

* * *

_I was that tired._

_—Cana_


	47. Sundas, 4th Hearth Fire, 2E 582

_Raz is more than a little suspicious of how I knew exactly how to deal with Oblivion Gates. Which is honestly, fair. It’s not exactly the kind of thing you learn in school or as a common trade. Maybe they do teach Sigil Removal 101 in the Mages Guild at some point, but somehow I doubt that class exists anywhere in this day and age._

_When he asked, I shrugged and said I’d seen something similar before, a while back. He didn’t keep asking, thankfully. I don’t know if I could have maintained the lie there._

_I feel… really bad about lying to him about this. I’ll be honest about that much. Between him and Ayrenn, they’re the only people I could tell about my whole situation. And I will, sooner or later. Hopefully sooner rather than later._

_I’m just not ready. Not yet. And to be completely honest, I don’t know if I ever will be, but I can’t just go hey, funny story, I’m a time traveler who was supposed to be sent back in time to further the goals of an organization way too similar to the Veiled Heritance for comfort. Then I got murdered and my time travel amulet got broken, so I’m stranded here which isn’t actually that bad except it means I can’t do anything about my own version of the Veiled Heritance except hate them from at least an era before their conception._

_Neither of them need to deal with that right now. Even if I’m never ready, it needs to be at a time when they’re ready to hear it. Where, if they decide to arrest me for everything I’ve done and was going to do (and I wouldn’t blame them) they’ll be able to do that without putting anything else in jeopardy._

_—Cana_

* * *

_Finally managed to get out to Torinaan myself, although there wasn’t all that much left for me to do there. The daedra there are dealt with, finally, and I just did… something? With various shrines and relics of the Aedra. Our gods, or ‘our ancestors’ if you want to be literal._

_The important part is that a rather important holy site to some rather religious people is now significantly less crawling with all sorts of nasty daedric beasties. And I now have more proof of Estre’s betrayal, not that I needed any more. Not when we all were treated to a confession from Estre herself as she tried to kill us all in a flaming pocket of Oblivion._

_I don’t have nightmares. But if I did, I would be hearing FLAME ATRONACHS, SHIELD ME in them. Fortunately, Estre’s dead and with any luck I’ll never have to deal with her again._

_Unfortunately, I doubt this is over with her death, not even close. If everything I had to deal with in the south of Auridon was any indication, the only reason there hasn’t been more uncovered in the rest of Auridon is because there hasn’t been much investigation done._

_I’m pretty good at that! If barging into things and demanding answers and more often than not having to fight my way out of them counts as investigation, anyway. Which it totally does. Other people can handle the actually stealthy stuff._

_The Thalmor… well, the Fourth Era Thalmor to clarify, although I doubt I really need to, hold that all proper Altmer should hold their heads high at all times. And yet they strongly encourage being sneaky and doing whatever it takes to accomplish our their missions. Including things that they vocally condemn, but in secret applaud._

_I didn’t realize half of the things the Thalmor did and said were wrong until I was so far removed from them that I had no option but to branch out from them. The other half, sure I knew they were wrong, but nobody was about to do anything about them. The last people who tried… the lucky ones were executed quickly._

_For Ganriil, there wasn’t even a body left to bury._

_So I may have been lying about the nightmares. I do have nightmares, and I haven’t heard Estre screaming in them. Yet. Probably just jinxed it._

_But… anything I’ve done in the Second Era, no matter how much I fuck up, it pales in comparison to things I’ve done willingly, as a Thalmor agent._

_I need a drink. Which is probably a sacreligious thing to write at a holy site, but frankly summoning daedra is far worse than my desire for quite extraordinary amounts of alcohol._

_—Cana_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> she is so lucky she didn't attract Sanguine's attention


	48. Morndas, 5th Hearth Fire, 2E 582

_ In retrospect, I really should not have drank so much last night. My head feels like someone dropped a mountain on it. Or two. _

_ In my defense, can you really blame me? Yeah. Didn’t think so. I don’t think it’s a good sign that the room spins whenever I look up too fast, so I’m just going to write this now and go back to sleep for a while. Couple hours at least. Maybe light will hurt less then? _

_ —Cana _

* * *

_ My headache’s marginally better now. Light still makes it hurt more, but not as much more? Which I’m taking as progress. And anyway, it’s cloudy outside today and will hopefully stay that way because I’ve got a job to do. From Raz, not Ayrenn yet because he needs to report back to her on the new developments in the situation. _

_ In roughly the… northeast? Of Auridon, there’s the College of Aldmeri Propriety. It’s still standing in the Fourth Era, and still in use actually, for… ironically enough, the same thing it’s being used for in the Second Era: to train up and coming Thalmor agents. Of course, the definition of Thalmor is very different between now and then, and so the College should also be very different. _

_ In practice, Raz is all but convinced that the Veiled Heritance has been controlling it for perhaps some time now. The headmaster at the College used to vocally support Ayrenn, but these days, his agent in the area has been sending more and more disturbing reports back. _

_ In other words, it’s time to send in the… whatever I’m called. Cavalry? I don’t think riding to places I can’t get to easily with a wayshrine counts. But I’m A) an Altmer and B) one of the very few Eyes of the Queen that isn’t stealth-oriented. _

_ Sometimes, you just need someone to go in and whack things with a sword. Or pull rank. Raz advised pulling rank first to see where that would get me, and by the time I’ve tried that he should have reported to Ayrenn and will be able to join me, and his agent already in the area. (There’s a wayshrine. Unfortunately, since I’ve never been to said wayshrine before, I’ve got to take the long way there.) _

_ Once I’m there, I need to find a Khajiit named Zaban. He’s posing as a traveling merchant with the Bandaari. Or maybe he actually is with the Bandaari, and he just happens to be an Eye as well? Raz wasn’t entirely clear on that. It doesn’t matter that much, I can ask him myself. I’ve got to ask him more details about the whole College situation anyway. _

_ Time to go. I’m going to cry if it doesn’t stay cloudy and relatively not sunny. Maybe it’ll even rain! Normally traveling in the rain isn’t fun, but the roads are usually dry enough and if it’s raining it will be dark. Which is the important part. _

_ —Cana _

* * *

_ Luck was actually on my side for once! The sky didn’t clear up until it was getting dark. Found Zaban, College grounds are closed right now however so now’s as good a time as any to sleep this off. _

_ —Cana _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> might I repeat: she is SO LUCKY that she didn't attract Sanguine's attention. or write a drunken entry. (yet. I'm tempted because that was really fun to do with Lora...)


	49. Tirdas, 6th Hearth Fire, 2E 582

_ I really wish Zaban had been mistaken about the College. I think he really wishes he was somehow mistaken about it too. But it’s obvious, just from looking at the place. All the teachers are Altmer. All the students are Bosmer and Khajiit. _

_ Zaban isn’t entirely sure when it changed, but this was supposed to be a cultural exchange of all three peoples involved in the Dominion. Altmer, Bosmer, and Khajiit were supposed to be both students and teachers, and originally, they were. But faculty members started resigning, or having unfortunate ‘accidents’, and now the entirety of the faculty are Altmer and the entirety of the student body are Bosmer and Khajiit.  _

_ They probably let any of the Altmer enrolled graduate already. Since, of course, they don’t need to learn their own culture and replace it with an entirely new one. And nobody should have to replace their own culture! _

_ I’d like to say this is different in the Fourth Era, that the College of Aldmeri Propriety is at least not used for anything at all. It’s not. It’s where I was trained to join the Thalmor, where I had all of our society’s prejudices solidified further. _

_ Gods. It makes me feel sick, but if I get hungover again I’ll be no help at all. So: time to pull rank. Zaban’s going to hang back outside to meet Raz, he should be here later today and frankly there’s few people I’d rather have at my side. _

_ The Thalmor of… tomorrow, I suppose? They would have disagreed with that. Raz would have been untrustworthy simply by virtue of him having a tail, and Ayrenn too because she didn’t subscribe to our society-wide cultural superiority complex. One of many reasons why the Thalmor of tomorrow didn’t know shit about what they were talking about, and one of many reasons why I’m going to fix this before it can get to that point. _

~~_ For this Dominion, anyway. I doubt I’ll live to see the Second Aldmeri Dominion.  Actually, I hope I won’t, because from what I do remember of Ayrenn from the history books _ ~~

_ College. Pulling rank. Let’s see how bad Headmaster Tanion is. _

_ —Cana _

* * *

_ What the actual fuck, he’s horrible. I thought (hoped, maybe) that Zaban was exaggerating. And yet here I am writing this while watching the students patch each other up after the people supposed to be teaching them instead beat them half to death and told them over and over that their cultures, their ways of life, meant nothing at all. Not when they could subscribe to a worldview that made them inherently inferior because… why? Because we don’t have fur or are taller?  _

_ Zaban was so not exaggerating. If anything, he was understating the situation. _

_ This needs to change, and fast. I told one of the more in charge students, wood elf named Baham, that they did have allies. I for one would happily fight with the College, and I am convinced that if Ayrenn was here she’d take on Tanion herself. And win. _

_ Also there’s more agents of the Queen coming, and soon. But between myself, Raz, and Zaban (who I didn’t mention as an agent, for obvious cover-related reasons) we still won’t be able to handle the entire faculty of the College. Not alone. _

_ Fortunately, the students outnumber the faculty nearly ten to one. Unfortunately, they’ve got no weapons. The instructors take away their training blades after the lesson is over. Fortunately, I do happen to have a very good friend of mine who is very good at stealth, and would be more than happy to help here even if we weren’t both working directly for Ayrenn. _

_ The attack begins tomorrow. At dawn. _

_ —Cana _

* * *

_ Well, fuck. Zaban is dead and I’m under no illusions as to who killed him, or perhaps more accurately who had him killed. To make matters worse, I think the Heritance members that murdered him found the note I gave him. You know, the one saying when Raz would be coming himself? _

_ I’m waiting near the wayshrine. Out of sight, behind some bushes. I’m under no illusions about whoever attacked Zaban being more than happy to deal with Razum-dar himself, and Raz of course would have no idea there’s an ambush waiting for him. It’s getting close to sundown. Once it is, Raz will be here, and I am not letting one of my only friends here walk into an ambush. _

_ Time to cause a distraction. I can probably handle whoever is here myself? But if not, just a distraction will do the trick. _

_ —Cana _

* * *

_ Remember what I said about most of my fellow Eyes being far more stealth-oriented than I was? Raz’s specialty might be stealth but I shouldn’t have forgotten he’s more than capable of holding his own in a fight. _

_ There were four of us taking on Estre. Myself, Raz, Battlereeve Urcelmo, and Magister Sinien. Nobody died except her, thank the Aedra, but when it came down to the end, Raz and I were the only ones still capable of fighting further. I might have been the one to finally knock her down, but it was Raz who dealt the final blow. _

_ Anyway the ‘ambush’ was dealt with fairly quickly, particularly as Raz almost seemed to know it was coming. He definitely wasn’t surprised, even if he was disappointed (and sad) to hear about Zaban. But it’ll be worth it. Tanion and his pathetic excuse for a College will be brought down. Once and for all. _

~~_ And then the College will be taken over again two eras in the future for the same gods-damned thing but _ ~~

_ Raz may have been onto something when he said they’d never look for us here, ‘here’ being once again, the student dormitories. Baham wholeheartedly agrees. Of course they wouldn’t expect ‘an Altmer, even one that sullies herself with the lower races’ to go so far as to hide here. And what’s another ‘lowly cat, never mind that he’s far older than the average age of students here.’ _

_ Raz got the same look in his eye (ha) that he did when he was about to recruit me. He’s talking with Baham now, because apparently he doesn’t need sleep. Or he slept ahead of time. I’m not going to ask, I’m just going to offhandedly mention that to Ayrenn the next time I see her because there was really only one person I told just how little sleep I’d been getting lately and that was Raz.  _

_ Snitch. _

_ —Cana _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I love Baham she is so making an appearance again later. or two. or three. frankly there should be more Eyes that don't A) never show up again or B) die and never show up again.


	50. Middas, 7th Hearth Fire, 2E 582

_ Okay so I don’t know how we weren’t discovered in the middle of the night but apparently it was a near thing a couple of times. Baham overheard one of the instructors guessing that ‘the Queen’s meddlers’ had fled using the wayshrine. I was safely hidden underneath a bed nobody looked under, so it was fine there.  _

_ Not sure how I slept through that or if that was necessarily a good thing but I guess I needed the sleep. I definitely don’t now. Irritating as it was at first being woken up like this, they came in earlier and nearly discovered Raz. _

_ Baham’s friend or possibly adopted sister Ilara tried to cover for him. She was successful in that they still have no idea Raz or I are hiding in here, but not so much in that she got dragged off to somewhere called Saltspray Cave. _

_ Baham’s drawing me a map. Raz just left to go, as he put it, ‘liberate’ their cache of training weapons. With those, they’ll be able to free the College. _

_ Unfortunately, Ilara’s stuck in the cave. And apparently Tanion is down there with her. Believe me, I had my sword ready almost before Baham told me what I needed to do. _

_ —Cana _

* * *

_ The College is freed. Ilara will make an excellent new headmaster, and (I was right) Baham will make an excellent new Eye. I’m still… kind of confused about exactly what the relationship between them is? They’re definitely closer than just friends, I don’t think friends usually hold each other for that long. Or hold hands. Or kiss each other on the lips. _

_ I guess they must be like adopted sisters! Good for them. _

_ —Cana _

* * *

_ I don’t know what I just got explained to me by Raz but it was certainly… something. I will say that much. Apparently girls can like girls? Like… the same way girls like boys and boys like girls? Raz started to talk about liking both as well but then took one look at my face and decided he was going to save that for another day. _

_ A day I am not looking forward to myself, as I am still very confused. Good for Ilara and Baham, I suppose? I didn’t know that was even a thing that existed. I certainly don’t like girls myself, I just am not really interested in romance. Too traumatized. _

~~_ I am not going to think about the fact that I told Raz as much and he laughed and said, what about Ayrenn? _ ~~

_ What would Ayrenn even have to do with anything? I don’t think she’s… well, alright, she’s very pretty, but anyone with at least one functioning eye can see that! It doesn’t mean anything! Any man—or woman, I suppose, since that is apparently a thing—would be lucky to have her! Although really, considering this is Ayrenn I’m talking about, if anything it would be Ayrenn that had them. _

_ Maybe she’s not interested in romance either! I could see that. Romance is highly overrated, anyway. I don’t think about how her hand felt in mine on one very brief occasion back in Tanzelwil, when she pulled me out of the way of a particularly angry spirit. I don’t ever think about her laugh or her smile or how she manages to be so amazing, all the time. _

_ I’m not interested in romance. If I was, I would probably be interested in Ayrenn because who, in their right mind, wouldn’t be? She’s Ayrenn! _

_ —Cana _

* * *

_ Fuck. _

_ —Cana _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> about damn TIME you useless lesbian of an elf


	51. Turdas, 8th Hearth Fire, 2E 582

_ New assignment: go help some other Eyes smuggling a pair of defectors from the Daggerfall Covenant into Auridon at North Beacon. Baham’s joining me. She’s scarily capable, at this point I’m convinced she would have graduated at least a year ago if it hadn’t been for, you know, the Veiled Heritance being horribly racist and not wanting anyone remotely competent who wasn’t an Altmer. _

_ Raz isn’t coming this time. He found something in Tanion’s files he needs to deal with, something about tracking down some remaining leaders of the Heritance? Whatever. He’s got this, and we’ve got this.  _

_ For the Queen. _

_ —Cana _

* * *

_ We’re almost there, which is fine, the other Eyes (hopefully with said defectors in tow) will be arriving tomorrow. Baham suggested making sure our camp couldn’t be seen from North Beacon, just in case things go wrong. _

_ Honestly, if I’ve learned anything it’s that if things can go wrong, they will go wrong. So it’s a good plan to be proactive. I’m really not entirely sure why Baham’s been joking about closets, either? I’d assume it was an Eye thing but I’m an Eye and I don’t get it, there’s not even any closets nearby! We’re camping in the middle of the wilderness! _

_ I’m just… going to sleep. And try not to think too hard about certain things. Certain people. _

_ —Cana _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> here's to another thirty/forty chapters of denial y'all. (Lora and Cana got it from the same place. if I ever write their dad's fic, the denial will be even worse lmao)


	52. Fredas, 9th Hearth Fire, 2E 582

_ Things absolutely went wrong. They didn’t go as wrong as they could have, though! Particularly considering that apparently, our defector had neglected to mention just how much the Daggerfall Covenant would want her husband back. _

_ It went fine, in the end. I didn’t even have to blow up the lighthouse this time! Which is good, because there wasn’t anywhere nearby I could get kindlepitch and fire salts. Although I’m definitely keeping that recipe in mind the next time I need to burn down a building that won’t burn easily, kindlepitch is a bit hard to get on short notice but fire salts you can get from any alchemist worth their salt(s). _

_ I have no idea why I’ve been making so many accidental puns lately, but I’m not complaining. Puns are alright. _

_ —Cana _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> she didn't have to burn down a lighthouse _this time_


	53. Loredas, 10th Hearth Fire, 2E 582

_Back to Skywatch! Baham’s clearly passed the Eye of the Queen “test” with flying colors, so she and Raz are heading back there to meet the Queen. I’ll be joining them soon, and… wait._

_The Queen is in Skywatch. I can’t go there, I can’t face her right now. Maybe not ever! But definitely not right now. There’s got to be some excuse I can think of to not go back there right away._

_Wayshrines? Maybe. Quite possibly. There’s still quite a few I haven’t gotten to myself. Nobody can possibly fault me on that! I’ve just got important things to do, and I’ll happily continue to do said important things for her. I just can’t face her. Not anytime soon._

_“I’m sorry, Ayrenn. I’ve got important things to do. We’ll speak another time.”_

_Yeah, that doesn’t sound believable to me either._

_Wayshrines. I’ll figure something out by the time I get to all of the ones I haven’t been to yet. There’s one near some ruins called… Quendeluun, I believe? And another near Greenwater Cove. I’ve literally never heard of Greenwater Cove but apparently it’s south of Firsthold and I might as well see if there’s anything going on in the area while I’m there._

_Quendeluun’s closer though, so I’ll head there first._

_—Cana_


	54. Sundas, 11th Hearth Fire, 2E 582

_ Well I now have one less wayshrine to get to. Quendeluun wasn’t too far from the College wayshrine, and the ruins were frankly fascinating! _

_ They also, of course, were filled with Pact troops attempting to make a move on Auridon. And a mage who had been working with them because his sister was kidnapped, and happily helped me to bring them down once I rescued his sister. That, of course, made very little difference to their father, who didn’t want to give him a chance to prove he’d changed. _

_ That… brought up some uncomfortable things for me to think about, I’ll admit. I miss Father, but… would he be willing to kill me, if our places were switched? That’s an interesting mental image, him in the Second Era. He would probably have a field day. Or several. _

_ And as for the question of my own family, I don’t want to know the answer, but I at least know the answer in this situation. The soldier father told his son that if he ever saw his face again, he’d kill him, as was his duty. _

_ And then he… let him go. _

_ —Cana _


	55. Morndas, 12th Hearth Fire, 2E 582

_ I shouldn’t be as disappointed as I am to hear that the Queen has returned to Skywatch for now. It’s as much a practical move as it is a political one. With Estre A) dead and B) a traitor, she is now very, very much incapable of being left in charge of Skywatch. Also, Skywatch is roughly equidistant from all major cities on Auridon and has a harbor. _

_ It’s the best option, so I’m not surprised, and I shouldn’t be disappointed. It’s for the best that I don’t see her in person for some time anyway. I need to work this out on my own, and there’s absolutely no reason I can’t continue to do my job while I am.  _

_ I’ll go find Raz later. I’m curious to see what Greenwater Cove is like. And also where it is. _

_ —Cana _


	56. Tirdas, 13th Hearth Fire, 2E 582

_ It is really, really weird having a town be where in my time, there’s nothing but deserted cliffs. If I had to guess, after the Oblivion Crisis or something of a similar scale, the survivors from Greenwater Cove relocated to nearby Firsthold. _

_ Alternatively, they might have relocated after this incident, because I imagine the town being on fire and under attack by Maormeri invaders isn’t exactly conducive to living here. But now that the Maormer’s ships have been sunk and the town is no longer on fire  ~~ mostly ~~ the townspeople seem pretty determined to stay here. _

_ Nobody’s answered my questions about why the town is called Greenwater Cove, though. The water isn’t green? I suppose, if you were generous, it would count as a greenish blue in certain light, but it’s not actually green by any stretch of the imagination. _

_ Personally, I’m more interested in this ancient Aldmeri defense system. It did its job admirably. Unfortunately, I haven’t been able to replicate how it works since. _

_ Maybe it only responds to true need? The Aldmer were capable of more impressive feats than an emotionally sensitive weapon. Few other cultures were, from my knowledge, but I know perfectly well by now that the source of most of my knowledge was… biased, at best. _

_ The only other cultures I can think of off the top of my head capable of this would be the Ayleids, the Dwemer, or the Clockwork Apostles. The Dwemer are, of course, long gone by now, and both the Ayleids and Clockwork Apostles were by the Fourth Era.  ~~ At least, as far as I know. I’m doubting my own knowledge more and more these days. ~~ _

_ Still. I can’t help but wonder if this device still exists in my native time? If it does, the Thalmor don’t know of it. I’d only been here once before and I didn’t see anything remotely Aldmeri then. But then again, I wasn’t looking up, or looking for anything in particular. _

_ I wonder if it would still be functional. _

_ —Cana _


	57. Middas, 14th Hearth Fire, 2E 582

_ Took a trip to Vulkhel Guard. You can’t prove it was because I was homesick. I had a perfectly valid reason for going there, I’m trying to join up with a group called the Undaunted who sound very fun. They are, quite literally, undaunted by anything. There could be a literal dragon and they’d fight it, and I think that’s very cool of them. _

_ Alright, I was, maybe, a little bit homesick. I don’t miss the Thalmor. I don’t miss my mother. I don’t miss the unreasonably high standards we all were held to even before we were born. _

_ But I do miss my father, and my sister. I miss the magic I’m used to, the smaller Vulkhel Guard of my time. I miss being blissfully unaware of the fact that I am apparently interested in romance, just with the wrong gender. _

_ Or… not the wrong gender. Just the same gender. Nothing wrong with that, despite what the Thalmor might have thought. _

_ I faintly remember a time when I was interested in romance. Not with boys, of course, but I remember telling my mother that a girl looked pretty once, when I was much younger. It was one of her friends’ daughters, and she did look very pretty. _

_ But I remember the look on her face very well, and… I don’t remember much after that. It’s likely for the best that I don’t, because I don’t need to remember to guess at what happened next. After that, romance became a taboo subject to me. I didn’t bother with boys or girls, because I wasn’t interested in boys and I… couldn’t be interested in girls. _

_ My mother was never proud of me, but she was less disappointed in me when I threw myself into my studies. She was still disappointed in me, of course, because I wasn’t as good as Loranya or anyone. But she was less disappointed than she could have been. _

_ I don’t know why I’m writing this. I guess the best answer I have is because I can’t not write it. I have to get it down somewhere, because otherwise I can’t stop thinking about it. And I need to stop thinking about it. _

_ —Cana _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> time to update the tags! in all seriousness, I didn't originally plan it to be this bad and then it just kind of spiraled out of control, and I suddenly can't blame Cana for repressing so much at all :C


	58. Turdas, 15th Hearth Fire, 2E 582

_ Figured I might as well visit the Prophet and Lyris while I’m here. The Prophet was pleased to see me, Lyris less pleased and more surprised. Shockingly, they had nothing for me to help them with. Then again, maybe that’s not so shocking. Most of the things I could feasibly do, Lyris could likely do as well. _

_ She was still mad at me. No surprise there. _

_ The Prophet said he was attempting to use the orb I retrieved from the lighthouse basement in Vulkhel Guard, but if it didn’t work he had an alternate plan. He asked if I’d be willing and able to help in a few days. _

_ I said yes. Not that I need an excuse to stay in Vulkhel Guard for a few days, but an excuse is certainly useful. Lyris, of course, raised an eyebrow and started asking about the Queen. _

_ If she wasn’t still mad at me already, she definitely is now. I doubt she appreciated getting punched in the face.  _

_ I probably shouldn’t have punched her in the face. In my defense, what was I supposed to do, tell her the truth? Absolutely not. I can barely handle the truth myself. I’m not trusting her with it. _

_ —Cana _


	59. Fredas, 16th Hearth Fire, 2E 582

_ Saw Raz today. I hope he didn’t see me as well but I know better than to hope too much. If I’ve learned anything about him, it’s that he’s remarkably good at finding people (and things) whether they want to be found or not. _

_ It’s fine. _

_ Okay, it’s really not fine, but it’s not him I’m avoiding. I was planning to go looking for him for a new assignment once I’d helped out the Prophet, so he can’t say I’m avoiding him. The Queen did keep ordering me to get some sleep, so I can say I’m doing that. My family is from around here, after all. They just haven’t been born yet. _

_ Although that does beg the question, would my family still live around here? I should know. Family is important to Altmeri culture, always has been. _

_ But anything before the Thalmor wasn’t. _

_ —Cana _


	60. Loredas, 17th Hearth Fire, 2E 582

_ I don’t think I did a very good job at explaining why I was hiding in Vulkhel Guard. First I tried to tell Raz that my family lived around here but then he wanted to meet them and I panicked and told him that they didn’t anymore but used to and I was homesick. And also I’m helping some friends with something. But if he needed me for anything I would happily do it once I’d helped out my friends. _

_ It shouldn’t be that surprising that I have friends, right? Even if they’re not actually my friends. Or even my guildmates. But “people I’m working with to get my soul back and stop the Planemeld” doesn’t really roll off the tongue.  _

_ Also he might not even believe me. Never mind that there’s a fairly popular song that goes “the Planemeld is nigh, the Planemeld is nigh” over and over again. Bards love it. I swear I even heard Lyris playing it at one point, and she’s not even a bard… I think. _

_ He didn’t call me out for avoiding the Queen, at least. Which is good, because I’m not avoiding her. If anything… okay, no, I can’t get away with saying she’s avoiding me. Not unless I have some very good other reason to not go to Skywatch. _

_ Honestly, I have several reasons to stop avoiding Skywatch. I want to go to Skywatch. I want to see her, but… I don’t think I can keep it together. Now that I know what I know. About me. _

_ And maybe she’d at least let me down gently, but I…  _

_ I’m scared. _

_ So I’ll stick to cutting down Daedra for now. I’ve been helping with dolmen duty for the past few days. Might as well keep doing it while I’m waiting for the Prophet. Five gold says I’ll wind up cutting down more Daedra for him. _

_ —Cana _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Cana isn't quite as clueless as y'all thought. (or, she's more clueless, depending on the way you look at it.)


	61. Sundas, 18th Hearth Fire, 2E 582

_ Okay, so. Quite a bit happened today. Spent most of today in Coldharbour which is obviously the last place I’d want to spend any time but it was necessary, and at least I wasn’t alone this time. I had Lyris. (Who… is much less angry about me punching her than I expected? I’m not going to question it. If anything she seemed annoyed when I tried to apologize.) _

_ Why? Simple. Abnur Tharn. One of the Five Companions who immediately went to Mannimarco’s side, or so we thought. As it turns out, he defected from Mannimarco’s side almost as quickly as he went to it in the first place. _

_ So Lyris and I got sent on a rescue mission, I punched a projection of Mannimarco in the face (sadly the real Mannimarco wasn’t physically there, but I’d like to think it hurt his physical form as well) and now the Harborage has a third semi-permanent resident: Abnur Tharn, a pretentious politician with a stick up his rear bigger than some Altmer I know, which is really saying something. _

_ Also, my theory about ‘the Prophet’ turned out to be way off. He’s not secretly Mannimarco. He’s secretly Varen Aquilarious. You know, the would-be emperor who caused the Planemeld in the first place?  _ _ Tharn said that like it was going to be some big deal-breaker. He was… very surprised to hear that I was relieved, actually. Even more surprised to hear why. Lyris, of course, started laughing so hard that she nearly choked. _

_ All of Varen’s comments about, well, himself? How he’d failed everyone, how he’d tried but ultimately wasn’t good enough? Those suddenly make a lot more sense. And here I was thinking he was Mannimarco with an identity crisis.  _ _ I think even he was a bit amused by how far off I was. Hard to tell for sure. _

_ I… should probably head to Skywatch now. On the other hand, inn rooms are cheaper in Vulkhel Guard and it’s late already. _

_ So help me gods, I’m going to Skywatch tomorrow if it’s the last thing I do.  _

_ I have to do something or I will lose my mind. I already lost my soul, if I lose my mind, what's left? Just an empty shell of an elf in heavy armor. _

_ —Cana _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> for all y'all are complaining about Cana, I'm pretty sure she's figuring things out faster than Lora. which.... well, Cana has an excuse, even if her excuse is "useless lesbian." Lora doesn't even have that lmao


	62. Morndas, 19th Hearth Fire, 2E 582

_ Banekins are bad enough when they’re not talking. Apparently Tharn didn’t get that memo, and also he doesn’t waste any time. But also, I’ve informed him that if he sends a banekin into my room while I’m sleeping again, so help me Auri-El, I’ll come find him just to strangle him with my bare hands. _

_ I’ll do it too. I don’t even know where Wormroot Depths is.  _

_ (Except somewhere in Grahtwood, apparently. I’ve never even been to Grahtwood. I know it’s somewhere in Valenwood, but beyond that…) _

_ Tharn said he’d wait for me there. I told him he’d be waiting a long time. He’s still, apparently, going to wait for me there until I get there. Or have another banekin wait for me instead and simply portal himself in once I do get there. _

_ Whatever. It’s not my problem. I at least have it marked on my map for when I do get there. And now… like I said, Skywatch.  _

_ —Cana _


	63. Tirdas, 20th Hearth Fire, 2E 582

_ I don’t know why I’m surprised, it was only a matter of time before Raz called me out for what I was doing. If anything, I’m surprised he took so long. I shouldn’t be surprised that he cornered me before I could even get in to see Ayrenn. _

_ I explained I had to help someone with something in Grahtwood, and… tried to ask him if there was anything I could help the Queen with there. He said yes and refused to give me more details.  _

_ His words, not mine: “Raz thinks you should talk to her, and not just about this.” _

_ This is the only thing I’m willing to talk to her about at the moment but thanks for nothing, Raz. Honestly I’m barely willing to even do this. But… I have to, don’t I?  ~~ Or she’ll realize what’s really up here and she won’t want me around anymore and I’ll have no one again ~~ _

_ I’m just going to get this over with. I managed to pretend for my entire life. I can pretend for a little longer. _

_ —Cana _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *deep sigh* if it makes y'all feel any better, Cana's still doing better than Lora did at this point in her story.


	64. Middas, 21st Hearth Fire, 2E 582

_ I’m going to Grahtwood. On the ship now, actually—I made a bet with Captain Jimila of the Prowler, I… may have lost but the important part is that I’m getting to go for free, and at least I’ll have something to do besides think too hard about the ocean. _

_ Ayrenn is staying in Auridon for the time being, but she’ll be going to Grahtwood herself, soon. Her ship leaves from Skywatch on the last day of Frost Fall, and… for some reason, she wants me to be on that ship with her. _

_ Why? _

_ I tried to ask her. She raised an eyebrow and asked why I was avoiding her. I dropped the question.  _

_ What’s more important is that there’s something going on in Elden Root, which is A) the Dominion’s capital apparently, and B) in the middle of Grahtwood. It’s in the big tree. Can’t miss it, she says. _

_ With my luck I probably will miss it. But whatever. It’s fine. I… think I managed to act normally. Somewhat. If anything, I might have been trying a little too hard. _

_ She did ask me if I was alright. I started to say yes, realized that was the opening I needed, and started spewing some complete bullshit story about just needing some alone time after Firsthold, and the College, and everything. But I’m still more than capable of doing things as an Eye, I just… need to do them alone. For a bit. _

_ Ayrenn accepted that much. But I agreed to come back on the 31st of Frost Fall, and I shouldn’t have kept talking but she asked if I’d be willing to talk about what’s bothering me then. _

_ I’m a fool. I said yes. At least I have a month to figure out what to say. _

_ —Cana _


	65. Sundas, 25th Hearth Fire, 2E 582

_ We actually got to the port city of Haven yesterday, but between everything, I just haven’t found the time to write. And it’s a little hard to write on a ship. A little bit’s fine, but after a certain point I’m risking emptying my stomach onto my field notes, and I really would rather not do that. _

~~_ Can I even call these field notes anymore? They’re not a diary, that’s for sure. Maybe a journal? _ ~~

_ Haven was, of course, under attack by pirates. Which Jimila, Oblan, and the rest of the sailors on the Prowler very vehemently insisted were not what they were. They’re privateers, not pirates, there’s a difference and that difference is that they only go after non-Dominion ships. I’m not sure how I feel about that but as long as they’re not attacking the Dominion, they’re alright. I think. _

_ What I’m suspicious about is the fact that General Endare, a hero of the Dominion stationed in Haven, pulled her troops out right before the attack. _

_ It worked out in the end, but barely. I’m glad we got here when we did. If we hadn’t… I don’t want to think about it. _

_ —Cana _


	66. Morndas, 26th Hearth Fire, 2E 582

_ I’m well on my way to Elden Root! Got slightly distracted, I may have accidentally joined a group called the Brackenleaf Briars? I’ll admit I’m still… not entirely sure what I joined, I was just curious. But there are worse things than getting to talk to a tree and agreeing to protect said tree if it came to that. What I want to know is, why would they let a random outsider join? _

_ Then again, I might have some idea. The way to truly unite different cultures, different ways of life, is by learning about them. Not by forcing any one culture upon others as superior, like the Thalmor did and the Veiled Heritance would like to—although the Heritance don’t want to unite anyone except the Altmer against Ayrenn. _

_ Good fucking luck. _

_ —Cana _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> local disasmer unintentionally joins every group under the sun, more at 11


	67. Tirdas, 27th Hearth Fire, 2E 582

_ Okay. I should be in Elden Root tomorrow. Hopefully. Or, maybe I’ll get sidetracked again by helping someone out with something actually fairly important. In my defense, I have a good reason for getting sidetracked, this poor elf was freaking out and if I’d come by any later her friend probably would have been spider lunch. _

_ As far as ultimate fates go, spider lunch is probably one of the worse ones. So I’m glad. And Ayrenn didn’t say I needed to get there immediately. I mean, she clearly meant as soon as possible, but if it was time-sensitive she would have sent Raz who presumably already can travel to the wayshrine there. _

_ Assuming there is a wayshrine there, anyway. I’ll settle for one somewhere in the general vicinity of Elden Root. It wasn’t in the first big tree I found, but maybe there’s another one? _

_ —Cana _


	68. Middas, 28th Hearth Fire, 2E 582

_ I got sidetracked again. Ran into a Mages Guild expedition at the Ossuary of Telecar with a detachment of Dominion Marines protecting them, so I was doubly obligated to help out. There were some issues with ghosts, and one in particular that kept trying to talk to people. _

_ That was… something. I made the right choice, simply because it was the only one I could make, and it may have been slightly immature to kick Telecar once I’d bound him to his corpse again but he very much deserved it. _

_ I swear I’ll get to Elden Root tomorrow. _

_ —Cana _

* * *

Something _ I forgot to mention: the marines here were part of General Endare’s detachment. They had no idea about the pirate attack on Haven, nor how close it was. _

_ I don’t know where General Endare is. Neither does anyone else. But if I find her, I’m going to have some serious questions for her. That’s some particularly inconvenient timing—or particularly  convenient, if Endare is Veiled Heritance. _

_ —Cana _


	69. Turdas, 29th Hearth Fire, 2E 582

_ Elden Root. Finally. _

_ You know, somehow I wasn’t quite expecting Elden Root to be inside a literal tree. Until recently, I’d never been to Valenwood. I didn’t know that their capital city was inside a very big tree, aptly named the Elden Tree. _

_ It’s huge. It might be taller than the Crystal Tower of this era. It’s definitely taller than the Crystal Tower I knew. Maybe that’s part of why Naemon has such a big stick up his behind. _

_ Sorry, Prince Naemon, I should probably give Ayrenn’s brother some respect. On the other hand, he also was Estre’s husband, and I doubt I’m the only one who’s more than a little suspicious that Estre wasn’t working alone. So, I think those things probably cancel out. _

_ He seems loyal to Ayrenn, at least? But we’ll see.  _

_ Apparently there was supposed to be an embassy built for the Khajiit in Elden Root, and it hasn’t happened yet, so I’m going to see why. Technically I got sent from King Camoran (seems nice enough) to deal with Naemon (who the king mentioned had a stick up his, and then added that he was the king, he could say that, so he’s cool.) And now I’m being sent on another errand by someone who knows perfectly well that I’m the one who killed his wife. _

_ I don’t think Naemon appreciated me protesting that she’d tried to kill me first. _

_ Anyway, embassy that hasn’t happened yet! Despite the fact that it should have already and then some! Hopefully it’s just general bureaucratic incompetence, but I’m not getting my hopes up there. _

_ —Cana _

* * *

_ The Altmer Embassy closed for the day an hour ago. I want to scream but I’ll settle for doing it in a pillow instead of at whoever’s in charge there. If Ayrenn was here, she’d be able to… well actually she’d probably face the same amount of bureaucracy getting in her way, and she can’t, officially, go around that. _

_ Personally, I think that’s stupid. What’s the point of being the Queen if you can’t fix things? But then I look at the whole Veiled Heritance issue, and yeah, I can see why she’s sticking to really important matters and leaving the rest to her Eyes. Like me and Raz. _

_ I miss her. I’ve got to say something when I’m back in Auridon, I can’t not say something about… all this. I just don’t know what. At least I’ve got time to figure out what to say. _

_ But I really do miss her. _

_ —Cana _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> nice


	70. Fredas, 30th Hearth Fire, 2E 582

_ It was not bureaucratic incompetence, it was the actual Veiled Heritance who really just don’t know to give up when they’re down. They also were really, really not pleased to see me. I guess news got out among them who killed their queen. _

_ I wasn’t surprised to find out that part, it’s gotten to the point where I can tell who’s Veiled Heritance just by how much they look down on anyone not an Altmer. You’d think they’d learn to hide that better around other high elves, but I’m not complaining. It makes my job much easier. _

_ I was surprised by how actually, legitimately helpful Naemon was.  _

_ Well, I don’t think he’s forgiven me for killing his wife even if she was a traitor, but he was still more helpful than a certain ambassador who was all smiles to my face and then turned around and tried to kill me. I may not like him, but I can respect him, and I think that feeling is mutual. _

_ —Cana _


	71. Loredas, 1st Frost Fall, 2E 582

_I thought the Orrery of Elden Root was a myth, and not a particularly well-founded one at that._

_It’s not a myth. It’s real, and because a certain traitorous ambassador knew the details of what was being planned there, we’ve got to activate it the hard way. Or more specifically, I’ve got to find everything we need to activate it the hard way, and then cross my fingers that it works._

_I hope it works. If it does, it’ll prove that Ayrenn is worthy to rule all of Tamriel as Empress. Obviously there’ll be people who will look at that and still think she isn’t, but if anyone is fit to rule, it’s her._

~~_Seriously, though. What’s next, the Staff of Magnus turns up?_ ~~

_To operate the Orrery the traditional way (as said in the legend, which even I knew) we need a skilled operator, an Ayleid source of power, and a divine spark. You can probably guess who’s going looking for them. At least I don’t have to do all the searching myself, I have a general idea of where to look._

_Skilled operator: Conservator Daraneth, maintains the Orrery and is quite possibly the only person alive who knows how it works. Unfortunately she’s in Southpoint at the moment on some personal business. I’ve been informed not to refer to her as a ‘missing element’ to her face. Or really at all, if I can avoid it. I wasn’t going to but, okay…?_

_Ayleid source of power: the Heart of Anumaril, another thing I thought was merely the stuff of legends. May or may not be in an Ayleid ruin not too far away from here called the Reliquary of Stars. Someone from the Mages Guild is convinced it’s there and honestly, as long as the Mages Guild gets to study it afterwards, they’ll be happy to help._

_Divine spark: someone needs to be in three places at once. An artefact I’d actually never heard of, Rajhin’s Mantle, should do the job. There are rumors that it’s located at the Falinesti Winter Site._

~~_Falinesti itself is… gone. The city apparently just disappeared one day. There’s no mention of that in the history books, only that it rooted itself permanently at its summer site the year before the Oblivion Crisis and hadn’t moved again since. It could, theoretically, start moving again at any time, but it’s just gone here. Disappeared off the face of Tamriel. Where is it? What happened? It has to come back, right?_ ~~

_I’m not entirely sure where I should go first, but I’m leaning towards Southpoint. If I wayshrine back to Haven, and head west from there, the road looks to be fairly direct._

_—Cana_


	72. Sundas, 2nd Frost Fall, 2E 582

_ The trip to Southpoint was supposed to take about three days, but considering how far I got today, it’ll probably take a bit longer. In my defense, what was I supposed to do, not help Captain Linwen rescue her wife? _

_ They might currently be pirates, but most of the crew of the Albatross wants to pay off their debts and become privateers for the Dominion now. The people who didn’t were, well, the mutineers. I guess they could have been lying, but I’m pretty sure they weren’t. Maybe saying they know me will help? _

_ I hope it will. They were nice. _

_ —Cana _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yes, they instantly recognized Cana as a Fellow Gay and she would have been welcomed aboard the Albatross after the fact if she wanted it


	73. Morndas, 3rd Frost Fall, 2E 582

_ If I find Sorion I’m going to strangle him. That’s a pretty big if, of course, even I can tell that he’s clearly fucking around in a very literal sense. Frankly his wife deserves much better. She wasn’t very happy to be told that, though. _

_ Anyway, I’m still looking for her cheating bastard husband of a bard. If by some miracle he hasn’t slept with half of Grahtwood by now, I’ll drag him back here and try not to punch him too much. _

_ —Cana _


	74. Tirdas, 4th Frost Fall, 2E 582

_ Apparently there’s a community of Argonians living in Grahtwood, in the Gray Mire. They seem fairly cool, for the most part. Unfortunately there were a couple of people who were… less than happy about the idea of being part of the Dominion, but it got taken care of, it’s fine, there is absolutely nothing to worry about, Slim-Jah and Uta-Tei just went on a boat fishing and they won’t be coming back. _

_ Obviously I left out that last part. The remaining leader of their community clearly wants to work with the Dominion now and I don’t think the other Dominion agents here would appreciate the truth. The important thing is that they’re on our side now. _

_ I still can’t help but wonder, if things might have gone differently if I’d acted differently. If I’d been faster, I could have gotten between Slim-Jah and Uta-Tei. Or maybe if I hadn’t taken Slim-Jah up on his offer to spar with one of his hunters. Fighting people may be the way to respect for Nords (case in point: Lyris) but it must not be for Argonians. _

_ Sure, one of their leaders made some mistakes. But the rest of the Gray Mire shouldn’t be exiled because of the actions of a few people, all of whom are dead now. They were slaves, and of course they don’t want to work with the people who enslaved them, who in their right mind would? _

_ Well, the Argonians that are a part of the Ebonheart Pact, apparently. _

_ This is why I follow the Dominion. _

_ —Cana _


	75. Middas, 5th Frost Fall, 2E 582

_ There was a dolmen to the north of the road. Stopped by to help out the Fighters Guild with it. Daedra are always fun to fight. And by that I mean they really aren’t, but it’s less… I know Daedra never truly die, they’re just sent back to Oblivion. So I’m not really killing them. _

_ On an unrelated note, I’m almost to Southpoint. I’ll be there tomorrow, even if I keep getting sidetracked. I would have been there today, even with dolmen duty, but it’s… _

_ I found someone who had hanged himself, not far from where I planned on camping for the night. There was nothing left to bury but bones. I took his pack, and the amulet he was wearing. It’s a long shot, but maybe someone in Southpoint will have known who he was and I can at least give his family some closure.  _

_ I might keep the amulet, for now at least. It’s got some kind of enchantment. I can’t tell what, exactly, but it could be useful until I can find that poor adventurer’s family. They’ll want it back, I’m sure, but until then… _

_ I swear I just heard something. But there’s no one here. A detect life spell reveals nothing, and the only thing detect dead shows me is the grave I dug earlier. _

_ I must just be hearing things. I didn’t realize I was that tired, but I have been fairly busy today, it’s not that surprising. I’d better get to sleep. _

_ There it is again! But there’s still nothing here. Unless the ghost of that unfortunate mer(?) is trying to talk to me, but I haven’t gotten another response when I try to ask questions. Just... _

_ I must be imagining it. _

_ —Cana _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> listen can you blame her for getting sidetracked by THAT


	76. Turdas, 6th Frost Fall, 2E 582

_ It really is unfortunate that Daedra can’t die, and that I know this perfectly well. Otherwise I might not have stopped myself from attempting to run through Sheogorath with my sword. _

_ Alright, that isn’t a smart idea regardless, but he’s toyed with everyone here. I thought there was something strange going on with Daraneth, but I had no idea… _

_ It’s fine. She’s agreed to return to operate the Orrery when the time is right. _

_ It’s fine. Everything’s fine. Sheogorath can take his undying love of cheese wheels and shove it up his behind. If he thinks this can stop me, he’s wrong. He doesn’t know the half of what I’ve had to do just to survive. It’ll take a lot more than a voice in my head to bring me down. _

_ Nice try, you Daedric bastard. _

_ —Cana _


	77. Fredas, 7th Frost Fall, 2E 582

_Next on the list is Rajhin’s Mantle. Partially because I actually know where Falinesti Winter Site is, partially because it’s not too far from Southpoint, its wayshrine, or where I am currently, and partially because I’m curious about both Rajhin’s Mantle and Falinesti._

_Regarding today’s matters, I… well, I found Sorion. Not looking forward to telling his wife what happened to him._

_Do you have any idea how unnerving it is to have a mer cheerfully compare pumpkin flesh to your own flesh? I don’t think I can look at pumpkins the same way after this. Honestly, I think I’m going to stay well away from that cottage for the rest of my life. Let someone else deal with the Bosmer breaking both the law and the Green Pact._

_I would have killed her, if it came to that. Fortunately I didn’t have to._

_—Cana_

* * *

_What a new, festive thing to see in my nightmares. I could do without._

_—Cana_


	78. Loredas, 8th Frost Fall, 2E 582

_ Briefly became a bounty hunter, as you do. But really, what was I supposed to do, not explore further in the mine I’d ducked into for a quick rest when I found someone dead in there? _

_ And then, of course, I had to take a detour all the way back to Elden Root and the Altmer Embassy. With someone’s severed head. For a bounty, because I couldn’t not do something and they wanted proof that the orc was dead. _

_ Well, he’s dead, unless he can somehow sever his own head and survive. In the end, it was a battle of endurance more than anything else. _

_ You can guess who came out on top. It wasn’t him. And anyway, he had it coming. He’d killed far more people than I ever have, and not out of anything so noble as self-defense or a good cause. He said, when he won, he would… _

_ Well, he didn’t win, so it doesn’t matter. And no one can fault me for doing what I had to do. _

_ I had to do it. I didn’t have a choice. And if I did, I would have chosen the same thing. _

_ There is absolutely no reason why I should feel this bad about it. _

_ —Cana _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For those of you who don't already know/are unfamiliar with ESO, [this quest](https://en.uesp.net/wiki/Online:Phantom_Guilt) might be interesting...


	79. Sundas, 9th Frost Fall, 2E 582

_ It makes sense in retrospect that the Undaunted are everywhere, not just in Auridon, but it was a surprise and a very welcome one to run into some… others? (I’m not sure what the plural for an Undaunted is.)  _

_ As it turns out, nobody mentioned to me that the epic thing we were fighting was… a former Undaunted. Apparently she’d been kicked out for turning against her friends, and had been luring other Undaunted in since to hunt them down. _

_ So, naturally, once the actual Undaunted figured out what was going on, they kept going in anyway and took it as a challenge. _

_ I feel like there’s probably a fairly high mortality rate among Undaunted. But everyone in my group survived, at least! Most of them dispersed fairly quickly after it was… over. I’m sticking together with a couple of Dunmer, Irivsea and Ereseth, for the night. They’re comrades from the Fighters Guild as well, on their way to relieve the crew at the dolmen roughly… southeast of here? _

_ It really shouldn’t surprise me that there’s some overlap between the Undaunted and the Fighters Guild. And it doesn’t, not that much. _

_ On a somewhat unrelated note, it’s… nice, in a strange sort of way, that even in the middle of a three-way war in deadlock, members of the Fighters Guild and the Mages Guild have free reign across Tamriel. It has to have gotten abused at some point, I’m not that optimistic. _

_ But clearly it hasn’t been enough of a problem for it to be stopped entirely. Which is… nice. I’d like to see the rest of Tamriel, outside Dominion territory. Maybe I could go back to Vvardenfell, at some point. I should have read Father’s book, and I likely never will now, but… he always did speak highly of the gods of the Dunmer. The… living ones? Not the Daedra. _

_ Not right now, though. Right now I have my own problems to deal with, and quite a few that aren’t mine but nevertheless still take priority. _

_ —Cana _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Catch me actually giving a reason for fighting a world boss (and a cameo from one of my other characters and a friend's! Ereseth Samarys is mine, Irivsea Nerodar is spinanotherstory's! Although his ESO username is different, but then again, so is mine :>)


	80. Morndas, 10th Frost Fall, 2E 582

_ So I found Falinesti Winter Site. _

_ And the marines that were supposed to be at Haven when the pirates attacked. General Endare’s detachment. No sign of General Endare herself, yet. _

_ Apparently she’s been looking for Rajhin’s Mantle herself. Since… well before anyone knew we needed it. How did she even know it was here? How did she know we’d need it? Did she know we needed it? _

_ And more importantly, is she Veiled Heritance? Because her treatment of the Falinesti Faithful (mostly Bosmer, people who take care of the site of Falinesti while waiting for the city to return) means it wouldn’t be a surprise. From what I can tell, they’d be happy to help find Rajhin’s Mantle if Endare had just asked. _

_ Did she? No. _

_ She just pressed them into service.  _

_ No one’s quite sure where she went, only that wherever it was she took a detachment of soldiers there. Probably not the worst idea, something will definitely be protecting the Mantle if it’s that powerful.  _

_ That is a problem for the Cana of tomorrow to figure out, because night fell about two hours ago and I can use what authority I have (which isn’t that much, but they don’t need to know that) to get Endare’s unit to do this the right way, or not at all. _

_ —Cana _


	81. Tirdas, 11th Frost Fall, 2E 582

_ Neither the written nor the spoken word can accurately convey just how much I hate frost trolls. On a more positive note, the Jade Dragoons (Endare’s unit) are a lot more willing to listen to someone who helps save them from said frost trolls. Honestly, you’d think some of them had never heard how to fight a troll before. I hadn’t fought one until today, but the basic principle is the same. Just use fire! _

_ Now I just need to figure out where Endare is, and if I need to… stop her. I’d like to think I won’t have to stop her, but there’s just too many coincidences here for it to be—well, a coincidence. _

_ Brelor (colleague from the Mages Guild) has an idea. So far, his ideas have turned out pretty well, so I’m inclined to keep listening. _

_ —Cana _

* * *

_ I am going to fight a god. _

_ Or I would, if he was still around here and I could find him. Rajhin (or Rajhin’s Shadow? It’s a bit hard to tell which) is a petty imp-fucker with all the charm of a runty goblin. _

_ He… trapped this woman, Nairume, in a frozen vault underneath this site forever. Or at least, until she gave in and used his Mantle to escape. Which will never happen, because she said no and kept saying no. _

_ Like I said: I want to fight a god and if Rajhin’s stupid Shadow shows his stupid furry face he’s going to get an armored fist planted in it before he can so much as issue a greeting. _

_ I’ll settle for fighting Endare if she doesn’t cooperate. I almost hope she doesn’t, which is immature on my part. I should hope she does cooperate. The last thing Ayrenn needs is more betrayal after the whole mess on Auridon and Ambassador “I’m A Horrible Traitor” Tarinwe. _

_ But I really would like to beat the piss out of her. _

_ Or Rajhin. I’d prefer Rajhin. _

_ —Cana _

* * *

_ So Nairume is pretty. And also still alive, and she helped me get Rajhin’s Mantle. Unfortunately, Rajhin wasn’t there. General Endare was. Ex-general, now. _

_ I shouldn’t feel guilty about having to kill her. She wasn’t Veiled Heritance, I think, it was something with Rajhin’s Mantle. She asked me to kill her! And I was all too happy to oblige, because Veiled Heritance or not she was an asshole before Rajhin’s Mantle made her betray Ayrenn! _

_ She had it coming. She did. _

_ Fuck off, Sheogorath. _

_ —Cana _


	82. Middas, 12th Frost Fall, 2E 582

_ Helping to transfer Rajhin’s Mantle back to Elden Root. Brelor is worried that transporting it through the wayshrine network could have adverse effects (more than it’s already had already, that is) so we’re taking it back on foot. _

_ He keeps telling me I didn’t have to help. I keep telling him no, I absolutely did. It was my job to find Rajhin’s Mantle in the first place and it’s my job to make sure it gets there in one piece, without driving anyone else to… _

_ I feel sick. _

_ —Cana _


	83. Turdas, 13th Frost Fall, 2E 582

_ Rajhin’s Mantle is safely in Elden Root and well away from anyone it might… affect. Officially, it’s being protected from the Veiled Heritance or anyone else who might want to get their hands on it. _

_ Unofficially, that’s not the case at all. If anything, everyone else is being protected from it. _

_ It’s there. It’s done, and that’s two tasks down. I’ve got to complete the third by the time I need to go back to Auridon. I can’t fail Ayrenn. I won’t be able to look her in the eyes if I do. Not that I’m really worthy to do that in the first place.  ~~ Not after ~~ _

_ Next up is the Heart of Anumaril. Rumor has it that it’s located in the Reliquary of Stars, an Ayleid ruin to the northeast of here. It’s close to a city called Cormount on my map, so I’ll head that way and turn off the road once I’m close. _

_ —Cana _


	84. Fredas, 14th Frost Fall, 2E 582

_ Did not plan on getting sidetracked again, but I am glad I did this time. And it wasn’t for that long, I can still travel a bit further tonight. _

_ —Cana _

* * *

_ On second thought, it’s getting late and dark and wet, and I have some ideas for getting Sheogorath to piss off and shut the fuck up. Now’s as good a time as any to try that out. Thunderstorms are supposed to be his summoning days. _

_ —Cana _

* * *

_ It was not particularly successful. But it didn’t make things worse, at least. I’ll keep trying. _

_ —Cana _


	85. Loredas, 15th Frost Fall, 2E 582

_ In retrospect, casting a muffle spell on my own ears might have worked a bit better if I hadn’t run into someone on the road. And then had to uncast it to actually hear them, and come up with a halfway plausible explanation for why I cast a muffle spell on my own ears. _

_ That’s probably going to be the least of my problems today, though.  _

_ It was storming last night. Part of the reason why I set up camp a bit earlier than usual. Last night, during the storm, someone in the village of Karthdar cut their sacred blossom. And now the forest is mad. _

_ I know, it sounds unbelievable to me too, but the town is full of senche tigers and spriggans that haven’t given me a second glance. The Bosmer who directed me toward the town, on the other hand… let’s just say it’s probably a good thing she’s fast. _

_ Someone violated the Green Pact, and the forest is angry over it. An outsider, someone unconnected to the Pact or the town, needs to go out and collect evidence to fix things.  _

_ Like I said, because I’m an outsider, I won’t get attacked. And if I don’t help, they’re just going to stay in the cave until someone does, because they can’t leave until this is fixed. _

_ Needless to say I’m going to help. They can’t stay in the cave forever, and how hard can it be to figure out who’s responsible for this? Detective work could be fun. _

_ —Cana _

* * *

_ It’s been narrowed down to three suspects, but not by me. That was narrowed down long before I got here. It’s between Aranak (Khajiit merchant), Eranas (spinner, alchemist), and Gathiel (spinner’s wife). _

_ I think I’ve pieced together the events that happened last night, at least. But it doesn’t help very much. If I’m right about what happened and when, the forest could easily be angry at all three of them. In my experience, making bargains of any kind with immortals tends to not exactly be logical. _

_ Gathiel has been sick for… a long time. Months, if I had to guess, and while her husband Eranas the spinner is an alchemist, he’s limited in what he can do by the Green Pact. So nothing has been improving for her. Then, two days before the storm, Eranas found something. _

_ The village’s sacred blossom, Sanguine Alendil, could cure Gathiel. But even if it wasn’t sacred to the village, which it was, Eranas was forbidden from cutting it by the Green Pact. _

_ Gathiel didn’t want to die. So she took matters into her own hands. Aranak, an outsider, didn’t know that the blossom was sacred. Aranak received an anonymous order (that Gathiel’s diary reveals came from her) to cut the blossom and leave it in the forest, by a particular dead tree at the riverside. _

_ Eranas found it, although what he was doing outside in the storm I’m not sure. He assumed it was a gift from the forest, and wasted no time in using it to cure his wife. That’s when the storm intensified, and when the forest attacked. _

_ I have to make a choice, somehow. But what if I choose wrong, and the Green Pact is still considered broken? _

_ By process of elimination, Aranak has to be out simply because he’s a Khajiit and I don’t think it’s possible for a Khajiit to break the Bosmeri pact when he never followed it in the first place. That leaves Eranas and Gathiel. _

_ Eranas may have been researching the flower himself, but if he was going to break the Green Pact, someone else did it first. Someone else who may not have had the strength to cut the flower herself, but that doesn’t make her any less guilty in that she ordered someone else to. _

_ Gathiel’s responsible for this. Although it’s more accurate to say that Gathiel is the most responsible for this. All three suspects are somewhat responsible for what’s happened, but saying that Eranas is responsible is like saying the smith who forged a bandit’s sword is responsible for the people they killed. _

_ He had the tools, but he didn’t use them. Gathiel did. _

_ But who would be willing to just waste away like that without trying something, anything to survive? She couldn’t have realized what her actions would do, could she have? _

_ I… need to make a decision. One way or another. And I know what my decision is going to be, now. I just hope it’s the right one, and that all this is over. _

_ —Cana _

* * *

_ Gathiel is dead. I can’t help but feel responsible. _

_ —Cana _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Cana: Detective work could be fun!
> 
> Cana, several hours later: So detective work was not fun.


	86. Sundas, 16th Frost Fall, 2E 582

_ I’m back on my way to the Reliquary of Stars. Took a break on the road to eat, and I think I see an Ayleid ruin up ahead. It’s on the right (well, left) side of the road… could it be the Reliquary of Stars? Am I there already? I didn’t think it was that close to Karthdar... _

_ Only one way to find out. _

_ —Cana _

* * *

_ It was not the Reliquary of Stars. It was Laeloria, which is also on my map but the stupid map had Laeloria listed as being significantly further south of here. _

_ Also I never want to deal with any Daedric Prince again, thank you very much. Not Azura, not Sheogorath, and definitely not Molag Bal. _

_ I did make a… friend? Possibly? I think you can count someone as a friend once you’ve gone into Coldharbour and retrieved someone’s bones and tortured soul together. She’s a little unsettling, but I’ll chalk that up to the whole… necromancy thing. _

_ It’s very weird to meet, never mind fight alongside, a necromancer that isn’t trying to murder me or anyone actually. But it’s a strangely good weird. And Vastarie is… nice. _

_ I swear I’ve heard her name somewhere before, though… maybe I wrote it down somewhere in here? _

_ —Cana _

* * *

_ Update: I didn’t write it down somewhere in here, but I knew where I’d heard about her before once Vastarie mentioned her ex-husband. Telecar. As in, the Ossuary of Telecar. As in, the little ghost I helped re-bind his father. Calion. _

_ Vastarie was shocked. Understandably so, but it’s very unexpected to see someone so normally self-assured be that surprised. _

_ Anyway, I’m taking a slight detour back to the Ossuary of Telecar. Maybe Calion is still there. And if not, Vastarie is reasonably confident she can track him. _

_ I know, not another detour, but if I help her with this, she’ll help me with retrieving the Heart of Anumaril, and gods know I’ll need it. _

~~_ I swear that's not what I was thinking of, though... _ ~~

_ —Cana _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi hello I love Vastarie very much
> 
> (also, given certain canonical details about her that Cana hasn't found out in-story yet, it's entirely possible that Cana has run into her in the past and was recognized despite Cana herself not recognizing Vastarie. time travel is fun.)


	87. Morndas, 17th Frost Fall, 2E 582

_ Calion wasn’t at the Ossuary of Telecar anymore. I can’t blame him. I wouldn’t want to linger in a place like that any longer than I had to, either. _

_ Vastarie was disappointed, but she can track him now. And she’s going to help me find the Heart of Anumaril. If it exists. _

_ It’s probably not a good sign that someone on the level of Vanus Galerion and Mannimarco isn’t entirely sure if it exists, either. _

_ —Cana _

* * *

_ Woke up from a nightmare again. Normally that wouldn’t be noteworthy in the slightest, but… Vastarie doesn’t seem to think it’s because of Sheogorath, even if the nightmares and the voices started around Southpoint. The only hint of Daedric influence she can sense on me is Molag Bal, which is merely a side effect of me not having a soul. _

_ Sometimes, I forget about that part. It’s nice to forget about that part. _

_ But… the nightmares have to be from something, right? Vastarie suggested some kind of curse, non-Daedric, probably non-necromantic either judging by the fact that she doesn’t recognize it.  _

_ She did ask if I was okay. _

_ I… didn’t know how to answer. _

_ —Cana _


	88. Tirdas, 18th Frost Fall, 2E 582

_ Recovering the Heart of Anumaril from a rebellious, murderous Daedric caretaker would have been a lot harder without Vastarie on my side, that’s for sure. _

_ Unfortunately, I don’t think my colleagues in the Mages Guild agreed. _

_ They’re kind of mad at me now for working with a lich. Nobody told me Vastarie was a lich. And besides, if she’s helping us, and not helping Mannimarco, why should it matter in the slightest that she’s a necromancer? _

_ I’m starting to understand, I think, how Mannimarco recruited so many to his cult of murder. The Mages Guild is just too rigid. And, of course, the Worm Cult will be all too happy to take in people who don’t like the Guild. _

_ Vastarie just quietly left when they started yelling at me. It took me three hours to convince them that no, what the fuck, I had no idea that she was a lich (although in all fairness it would have been over much sooner if I hadn’t let slip that I thought she was cute.) _

_ But still. Three. HOURS. _

_ It would be one thing if I was directly working with the Worm Cult, but was I? Absolutely the fuck not! They murdered me! And took my soul! You think I’d work with them after that? _

_ Anyway. Heart of Anumaril is obtained and well on its way back to Elden Root. So am I, because my guildmates don’t want to let me out of their sight at the moment. Gods fucking dammit. Do I fucking look like a necromancer? _

_ Well, I don’t even look like a mage to be honest, so I guess that one’s a little bit on me. But still. _

_ I spend some time working briefly with one (1) lich, who isn’t even that bad… _

_ Whatever. It’s not like it’ll take that much longer to travel with it and make sure nothing happens on the way back. _

_ —Cana _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Moral of the story: don't admit you think the person your guildies are already yelling at you about is cute.


	89. Middas, 19th Frost Fall, 2E 582

_ Casting a muffle charm on myself before I fell asleep was a resounding success. Not one of my guildmates noticed that anything was wrong. Which is good, because the absolute last thing I need is some people with sticks up theirs thinking I was cursed by my friend who, I keep reminding them, I had no idea she was a lich! _

_ (I’d still consider her a friend, though, if she’d consider me one. I just know better now than to say as much in front of the Mages Guild.) _

_ —Cana _

* * *

_ The Heart of Anumaril is safely delivered to the Orrery. That’s… everything. _

_ I can hardly believe it myself, but it is! Conservator Daraneth is back and no longer being possessed by Sheogorath, Rajhin’s Mantle is being stored well away from… anyone, really, and the Heart of Anumaril is ready. _

_ I could probably take an actual ship back to Auridon and still get there in time. I won’t, because who in their right mind would when offered an option that doesn’t have you seasick for days on end? But I could, if I wanted to. _

_ Maybe I’ll go back to Auridon early. I absolutely could. _

_ Or maybe I just… won’t. _

_ —Cana _


	90. Turdas, 20th Frost Fall, 2E 582

_ Chickened out three steps from the wayshrine, because of course I did. Went to go clear things up with the Mages Guild instead. Valaste thought it was ridiculous that my guildmates would hold me responsible when I clearly had no prior knowledge or who or what Vastarie was, and she’s in a position of some authority in the Guild at least, so that’s good. _

_ Apparently translating the second book we got from Sheogorath is… slow-going. And by slow-going, I mean Valaste says she’s translated it, but it makes no sense. I’m going to take a look at it now. It’s late, but maybe if I stay up late enough I won’t dream at all. _

_ —Cana _

* * *

_ Vastarie was wrong, it’s definitely Sheogorath messing with me and unfortunately, he only seemed amused when I put my fist into his face. His nose didn’t even stay broken. _

_ Yes, I know, punching a god is a terrible idea. _

_ Counterpoint: he knew exactly what he was doing when he made me play the ‘leading role’ in his ridiculous, stupid play. I’m fine with fighting the Pact and the Covenant. Killing their leaders—even though it wasn’t really them at all—was actually kind of satisfying. _

_ But… Ayrenn. _

_ Gods, I know she’s fine really, I know she would never do… that, it’s just Sheogorath messing with me but… _

_ I think I’m going to go back to Auridon sooner rather than later. I’ll check to see if the Fighters Guild wants me to do anything while I’m here, but that’s it. That’s it, nothing else. _

_ Maybe Sheogorath will have less of a hold over me back home. _

_ Maybe I’ll stop getting horribly seasick on the seas or through wayshrines while I’m at it. _

_ —Cana _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the Circus of Cheerful Slaughter is a fun, not at all traumatizing quest for the Mages Guild.


	91. Fredas, 21st Frost Fall, 2E 582

_ Guildmaster Sees-All-Colors (Fighters Guild) did have something she wanted me to help her with. It was pretty nice, actually, fighting our way through a Dwemer stronghold, the Dwemer themselves long gone but their constructs all too active, following the trail of a weapon that could stop the Planemeld. Maybe. _

_ I really like Colors. I mean, she’s got pretty scales and she’s damn good with a sword, but also she’s just… nice to be around. Someone who you know, instinctively, has your back. It’s nice, and not a feeling I get very often these days.  Still more often than before. _

_ And we’ve found the weapon… or really, pieces of the weapon, and the plans to rebuild it. Still. Better than nothing. _

_ Molag Bal isn’t going to know what hit him. Honestly, the only way it would be better is if we could get the Fighters Guild working with the Prophet and everyone else there. _

_ Actually… there is a guildhall in Vulkhel Guard, that’s where I joined up. And I am heading back to Auridon soon. It might be worth bringing that up. Maybe. _

_ Wasn’t I supposed to do something for the Prophet (or actually, no, it was Tharn) in Grahtwood? I can’t remember where, and I can’t exactly ask anyone else in Team Let’s Punch Mannimarco given that I’m pretty sure Tharn is going behind everyone else’s back to do this. So, either I’ll find him eventually on my own, or he’ll be there and I can ask him myself. _

_ I mean, I can’t imagine why he wouldn’t be there. He wouldn’t be stupid enough to have gone all the way to Grahtwood to wait for me when I told him rather emphatically that I wouldn’t be able to help him there for a while. As in, at least one quite literal month. Unless, of course, he is that stupid, in which case he is never allowed to say anything negative about Lyris ever again. _

_ —Cana _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tharn is that stupid


	92. Loredas, 22nd Frost Fall, 2E 582

_ I’m back in Auridon. Vulkhel Guard, specifically. Yay for wayshrines! No yay for consistently feeling like I’m going to be sick after using them. That didn’t always happen, but at least now the excuse I told Raz as to why I didn’t use wayshrines is somewhat accurate? _

_ Still. Not fun. Fuck off, Sheogorath. _

_ —Cana _

* * *

_...I realized why I recognized Vastarie. Not her name, but Vastarie herself. One of my first field operations as an agent of the Thalmor. There were rumors of necromancy in the area. I and a few others had been sent to check it out. We’d split into two groups. I took one, Filinwe took the other. _

_ I… don’t remember very much after we cornered the necromancer herself. Flashes of old, powerful spellcasting. Being thrown up into the air and held there in a spectral chokehold. The necromancer leveling her staff at me, seeing my face, and… stopping. _

_ I can remember her words—and her voice—far too well. She asked, “Why don’t you know me?” _

_ Then Filinwe’s group returned, and the necromancer’s eyes went wide. I remember how distinctly… not undead, how normal she looked in that moment. Scared, even. _

_ Mainly because that’s the last thing I remember before waking up in the infirmary as one of three survivors, and the worst off by far. _

_ That necromancer... _

_ That was Vastarie. _

_ She remembered me, somehow. In the present. In the future? _

_ My head hurts. I’m going back to sleep. _

_ —Cana _

* * *

_ Up again. Forgot the muffle charm. Really needed the muffle charm. _

_ —Cana _


	93. Sundas, 23rd Frost Fall, 2E 582

_ Abnur Tharn is legally not allowed to say anything remotely negative about Lyris Titanborn or her supposed mental faculties ever again. If he does, I’m setting him on fire. Or punching him. _

_ The worst part is, I can’t even explain to the others why. Although I doubt Lyris would argue with me setting him on fire, or punching him, or both, just for the hell of it. _

_ What is he still doing in Grahtwood? What is he even doing in Grahtwood? I told him I wouldn’t be there for a while! _

_ Anyway, his idea probably is the right move. Neither Lyris nor  ~~ the Prophet ~~ Varen have any leads on their end, and I really don’t on mine. _

_ I still can’t believe that the Prophet turned out to be the fool with delusions of grandeur who caused this whole mess. _

_ Actually, no, I can believe that. He’s still got delusions of grandeur. It’s just not his grandeur he’s got delusions of. What I really can’t believe is that I thought he was secretly Mannimarco. _

_ —Cana _


	94. Morndas, 24th Frost Fall, 2E 582

_ Back in Skywatch now. Naturally, Ayrenn isn’t. Yet. Probably in Firsthold, if I had to guess, but she told me to meet her in Skywatch and I’ll be here for her in Skywatch when she wanted me to be here for her, for some reason. _

~~_ Why would she _ ~~

_ Okay, not going there tonight. Maybe someone at one of the guildhalls will have some odd jobs I can do in the meantime. Still got a few days. Alternatively, I could catch up on my sleep. _

_ Counterpoint: Sheogorath. _

_ —Cana _


	95. Tirdas, 25th Frost Fall, 2E 582

_ Not actually doing guild work, but something else. I met an old woman in the marketplace. She’d… all four of her children had died before her. She wanted to visit their graves, but it’s too dangerous for her considering that she can barely manage a slow walk. _

_ So I’m visiting them for her. Three of the places she marked, I’ve been nearby before. The fourth… I’ve never actually heard of Castle Rilis. _

_ —Cana _


	96. Middas, 26th Frost Fall, 2E 582

_ There was a very good reason I hadn’t heard of Castle Rilis. But… it’s done. I’ve visited the final grave, I’ve laid Ancalin’s children to rest, and I shouldn’t have got involved in someone else’s problems. I should have tried to talk Sorondil out of it, I should have known better but I… didn’t. _

_ I should have known. Somehow. There should have been some way to save him. I should have ran. I ran from that horrible elf who compared me to a pumpkin. If I should have fought back instead of running against anyone, it should have been her. _

_ Not someone who just wanted to be acknowledged as someone worth something. _

_ It’s fine. I’m fine, really. _

~~_ I’m not fine. _ ~~

_ —Cana _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> How worried would you all be if I told you that the next entry is on the 30th?


	97. Sundas, 30th Frost Fall, 2E 582

_ Hopped on dolmen duty outside Vulkhel Guard for the last several days. It’s easier to ignore things when you’re busy, either fighting off Daedra or spending time with your guildmates in the Fighters Guild. I think I’ve got several campfire songs memorized at this point. I didn’t know the Fighters Guild had campfire songs. _

_ Anyway… my shift’s over, now, so it’s back to Skywatch bright and early tomorrow morning. Skywatch, and Ayrenn. _

_ I made a promise. I’m not going to break it without a good reason, and my own misplaced self-pity doesn’t count. If I do ever just disappear, Ayrenn deserves to know why. She deserves to know when I won’t be coming back. _

_ But I made a promise this time. To be fair, that promise was to talk about what was bothering me. I almost wish I’d brought up the whole time travel thing then, because there’s so much more now. Or anything else pre-Grahtwood. _

_ Now, everything else pales in comparison to how many lives I’ve taken. But it’ll be worth it. It has to be, in the end. Somehow. _

_ Otherwise, how can I keep going at all? _

_ —Cana _


	98. Morndas, 31st Frost Fall, 2E 582

_ Why did I agree to go on a boat? _

_ Oh, right. Because Ayrenn asked me to. Maybe she won’t anymore once she realizes just how sick I get on ships. Not that wayshrines are much better these days, but… still. _

_ We haven’t really had a chance to talk yet. But it’s a long voyage, there’ll be time, and when that time comes… I’ll be ready. I don’t think I can tell her everything. But some things, she needs to know. Some things, she deserves to know. _

_ Okay, so Raz just poked his head in and said she wanted to see me. Sort of. I’m paraphrasing. _

_ (Actually, he said something much more… encouraging, in a way I don’t really need or want to be encouraged in, but thanks?)  _

_ I’d better go now, before I lose my nerve. Wish me luck. _

_ —Cana _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Curious as to what happens next? Look no further than [Over the Seas and Far Away](https://archiveofourown.org/works/27162730), the first of probably quite a few scenes I couldn't do justice in journal format, so I wrote them out.
> 
> Next chapter's going to be fun. :)


	99. Morndas? Probably? This one isn’t sure...

_Raz is pretty sure it’s Morndas, but he isn’t about to read back to check the exact date, day of the week, or how his friend and fellow agent who is a useless fool of a telmoran who can apparently only express her affection by nearly DYING._

_Raz is fine, thanks for asking, merely extremely put out by the fact that he must resort to writing in your own diary to get it through your thick skull that people care about you. Some more than others. Some very, very much more than others. Raz feels the need to point out that our beautiful and similarly inclined queen hasn’t left your side since whatever it was you did._

_This one is, regrettably, not privy to the details, as he was being a good friend and giving you your privacy while simultaneously being a good agent and standing guard outside the queen’s quarters. However, from what he has pieced together, someone aboard this ship placed a Dwarven spider in her closet, rigged to explode when the closet is opened again._

_While this one must applaud your quick thinking and bravery, he also must remind you that there were several other things you could have done that would not have resulted in anyone getting hurt. Raz would have much preferred to do the investigating and then send his foolish friend with the heavy sword (you. Raz is talking about you, Cana) to handle it, but given that time is of the essence and you are unlikely to wake up before the end of the voyage…_

_Of course you are wondering, why, Raz? Why must you use my journal? The fact of the matter is this, and quite simple at that: one does not solve a mystery without taking detailed notes, and this one does not wish to risk others reading them, nor does Khajiit have the magical ability to cast a spell like you have on this book. Raz has seen this kind of enchantment before. It is meant to prevent the reading of information by untrusted individuals, yes?_

_To the best of Raz’s knowledge, and please do correct this one if he’s wrong, it works based on who is writing. Writing from you, for example, is only readable by you and those you trust. Writing by this one in this same book is only readable by Raz and those Khajiit trusts._

_That being said, Raz does trust you, so part of why he is writing this is to keep you updated on what happened after you nearly died. (Raz would again like to remind you to be more careful. Have you ever seen a queen cry? This one has and would prefer not to again.) He does not, however, presume that trust goes both ways._

_Perhaps you trust this one, perhaps you don’t. It is a gross invasion of privacy to read someone’s diary without their consent, and Raz would like to think we are friends and therefore there is no need to invade your privacy. So, he has no intention of trying to read what you have written before this. He will merely write._

~~_Raz isn’t particularly interested in reading about your pining anyway._ ~~

_—Razum-dar, in case it was not already obvious. (This one thinks it was.)_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've got to go to work like... right now. but look who it is! you might get a few chapters from Raz before this part is over.
> 
> Edit: By the way, telmoran = lesbian because let's be honest have you SEEN Tel Mora? I'm pretty sure I borrowed that headcanon from [Boethiah](https://boethiah.tumblr.com) on Tumblr. And by that I mean I'm not sure what her AO3 is anymore and at this point I'm afraid to ask. Her headcanons are EXCELLENT though, to the best of my knowledge she's nearly singlehandedly responsible for a big part of the fandom no longer hating Almalexia.


	100. Might still be Morndas, might be Tirdas. Who knows?

_ It is still dark outside, so this one will continue to assume it is Morndas until the sun proves otherwise. Sleep (or a lack of it) will not stop Raz from finding the truth. Sleep may, however, give Khajiit the clarity he needs to piece this together fully, so this one fully intends to take the very briefest of catnaps once he has properly written down his findings. _

_ There is one impostor among us. There is no one above suspicion except for this one, you, and—obviously—Ayrenn. However, Raz has quite expertly narrowed it down to individuals currently on this ship. You see, Cana, there was a sweep carefully done of the ship just before and just after leaving port. Khajiit happens to know we can trust the inspectors, because the inspectors are: this one. _

_ There was nothing out of the ordinary in Ayrenn’s closet before or after we departed. No, she wasn’t either, she has been out of the closet since long before you ever knew her. Therefore, it must be someone currently on this ship. _

_ As Raz is sure you can tell, this narrows it down so very much. That is to say, not at all in the slightest. Something else, however, does. Most of the ship’s crew was searched before they were allowed to board—with the exception of the captain. All of the None of the stuffy high elven nobles accompanying us were, because too many of them protested. _

_ Fortunately, we did not travel with many of the said stuffy high elven nobles. There are merely five suspects—six, if you count the captain of the Albatross, but given that you recognized Captain Linwen earlier as a friend of yours, Raz can safely rule her out for the most part. _

_ The suspects are as follows: _

_ Calandur: very suspicious, both in general and of me. When this one attempted to ask him where he was and if he had an alibi, he asked Raz if  he had an alibi. Yes! He did! He may have no formal title but he is in charge of far more than Calandur or even you will ever know, and he does his job far better than him! Very necessary digression aside, Calandur didn’t have an alibi and is a known enthusiast of Dwemer tech, so the most likely suspect at this moment. _

_ Luriel: one of Ayrenn’s most staunch supporters from the start. Some variety of noble, but Raz has gathered she was close with Ayrenn and Naemon both in their childhood. Has an alibi of being with Omara and several of the crew in the mess hall. However, both she and Omara are prestigious illusionists. _

_ Omara: vocally supportive of Ayrenn, but this one happens to know she does not particularly like her behind closed doors. However, she has an alibi of having been in the mess hall with Luriel and others, and she does not seem to particularly like anyone behind closed doors—with the odd, yet completely understandable exception of Luriel. _

_ Tarinwe: our ambassador to Grahtwood, briefly returned to Auridon to accompany us there. Has given no reason to suspect her of any wrongdoing, however she was quite possibly the most vocally angry about searching for security purposes. Does not have an alibi. _

_ Vestarin: the other reason Raz did not search the nobles, but it wasn’t because of anything she said. She had a terrible cough that Khajiit really did not want to catch. She technically doesn’t have an alibi. Counterpoint: she can barely walk, never mind do so quietly enough to get all the way to Ayrenn’s quarters.  _

_ It has to be one of them. Raz has all the evidence he needs to figure this out, he just needs to sleep on it. _

_ —Razum-dar, he who is currently very tired _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Will there come a day when I stop referencing Among Us at any possible opportunity in my fics? Perhaps, but it sure isn't today.


	101. Definitely Tirdas!

_ This one is sure it’s Tirdas now. Raz must confess he didn’t mean to sleep this long, but nothing bad happened while Khajiit was taking a nap. Barring nearly falling out of the crow’s nest while he was asleep, of course, but such is life, is it not? _

_ Regrettably, reviewing the evidence yields no new insight. This one’s whiskers droop at the very thought of not figuring this out. _

_ Time to bring these findings to Ayrenn. If nothing else, a second set of eyes never hurts. Why do you think Raz prefers to work, not alone, but with one trusted ally? This also helps when, say, you are perhaps better at working in the shadows than your friend and therefore can throw your heavily armored, angry friend at anything that needs fighting without worry. _

_ Although in your case, this one knows it’s the opposite. _

_ —Razum-dar, about to descend the crow’s nest much more carefully this time _


	102. Still Tirdas

_ A second pair of eyes was exactly what this mystery needed. Or more specifically, a second pair of eyes who had heard in a scathing letter from her brother weeks ago about a particular ambassador’s very betrayal. Never did this one think he would appreciate Naemon’s… directness, so much. _

_ Tarinwe is in custody now, like she deserves. How she escaped custody in Grahtwood, never mind without anyone realizing she had already betrayed us, this one is not sure. He will, however, be making discreet inquiries once he is back on dry land. _

_ Raz can certainly relate to your… dislike of traveling on the sea, if for—he suspects—entirely different reasons. Raz just would very much like not to get wet. If it were not for that, why, Raz could spend the rest of his life sailing away on a pirate ship. Instead of just a few months, but that is a story you should hear from Ayrenn if at all. It is far more amusing on her end of it, and far less embarrassing for Raz. _

_ Now that this is taken care of, Raz will return your journal… diary? But of course, now that he has the chance, he has nothing stopping him from being extremely explicit. _

_ Canalie, for the length of Alkosh’s exceptionally fluffy mane! Take a hint! This one is so, so very tired of you and Ayrenn dancing around each other. Ayrenn blatantly refuses to make the first move because she doesn’t want to scare you off. Raz respects her decision, but if you won’t make the first move either.. _

_ You see this one’s problem. Please do something. This one is very, very, very tired. This will also be Raz’s final entry in here, unless of course you once again do something reckless and stupid (something that humble Raz, of course, would never do) and Raz is forced to catch you up on what events have transpired since then. Again. _

_ Sleep well. If you don’t make a move, and she continues to not make a move, well, you cannot hold Khajiit responsible for ensuring you don’t drive him completely insane, can you? _

_ (The answer is no, you can’t.) _

_ —Razum-dar, who really would like you to get a move on _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I think Raz is as tired as y'all are


	103. Fredas, 4th Sun’s Dusk, 2E 582

_ I have a lot of things to think about. _

_ I’m glad Raz managed to catch Tarinwe, that’s for sure. And the fact that he didn’t immediately recognize her means that he genuinely… didn’t read the rest of my field notes. He didn’t even try, because he would have been able to read them if he’d tried. _

_ He was mostly right about the enchantment on this. And even if he wasn’t… Raz trusts me? Why? I can’t even admit to someone that I’ve got feelings for her. Or I guess more accurately, I haven’t tried. _

_ I think I’d rather do it on my own terms than have Raz force me into something embarrassing, and he’s made it abundantly clear at this point that if I don’t do something, he’s going to do something for me. So, I will! _

_ Right after the… ratification ceremony, I think it’s called? The big thing with the Orrery of Elden Root that I’ve been running around Grahtwood finding things for. It’s going to determine if Ayrenn is worthy to rule Tamriel, but it’s really a formality if anything. We all know she is. If anyone’s worthy, it’s her. _

_ But if it’s some kind of test, the last thing she needs is to be distracted.  _ _ So I’ll tell her after she’s passed. _

_ —Cana _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Curious as to how that went? Well, if you've played this far in ESO you already know most of it, but you still might want to shuffle on over to [The Orrery of Elden Root](https://archiveofourown.org/works/27250810) just for the extra drama.


End file.
